Tag: twitter

Donald Trump’s Televised Address Gets ‘Sex Tape Audio’ Edit

white-male-1834072_640Many Americans opted not to watch President Donald Trump’s Oval Office address—including porn star Stormy Daniels, who live-streamed herself folding laundry during the speech. It seems people on Twitter had a more entertaining idea for how to watch the footage: stripping the words to show only Trump’s breathing and sniffing. The result, as one Twitter user says, is “Donald Trump ASMR my new worst obsession.”

The oval office “sex tape audio” edit inevitably prompted some amusing responses online: “This was actually the sex tape audio with Stormy Daniels, same duration and sign off.” Another tweet said, “I watched all of this and none of the original, but feel like I heard the best parts anyway.” Or to put it another way: “this is what hold music sounds like in hell.”

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Check out more about Donald Trump’s speech getting a sex tape audio edit:https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-oval-office-address-edited_us_5c35ba83e4b0f5aba7d9a087

Tumblr Porn Bots Have Started Commenting On Horror Art Posts

7350054890_99bf861756_oA horror artist who posts on Tumblr got a comment that was actually stranger than his spooky work. It seems one of the site’s infamous porn bots added the caption “Come to me and get a good fuck.” Obviously, it went viral, and was shared over 9,000 times by tickled Twitter users who saw the artist’s Tumblr.

As one tweet said, the comment really puts “the ‘head’ in ‘siren head.’” Another user quipped, “Ol’ grandpa slime needs a hoggin.’” But we can only guess—as one astute tweet pointed out—that horror and porn is probably someone’s kink!

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Check out more about Tumblr porn bots commenting on horror art posts:https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/krishrach/tumblr-porn-bot-art-stolen

‘Sims 4’ Announces First-Person Mode, Players Instantly Plot To Fuck

Image Credit: SIMS / EA

Players already have naughty plans for the new Sims 4. In a recent Twitch livestream, EA announced that the game would be getting a first-person video mode in The Sims 4—which means it’s time to bone! “Finally I can see my sims fuck in first person,” said a Twitter user who expressed what we were all thinking.

The free update is set to be released soon, but players already have lots of exciting plans in the works. One MILF on Twitter described her quest to use first-person mode: “Ok so the sims 4 is gonna have first person camera soon and honestly it’s made me even more determined to get a new pc so I can put the wicked whims mod in my game.” As another Sims player said, “The future is here folks, and it’s sticky.”

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Check out more about players using Sims 4 first-person mode to do the nasty:https://mashable.com/article/sims-4-first-person-mode/#cSftEQwm2GqV

Al Roker Shared A Recipe Called ‘Sweet Potato Poon’

Image Credit: BuzzFeed News

The subversively smutty people on The Today Show had to stifle their giggles when introducing Al Roker’s Thanksgiving recipe for “Sweet Potato Poon.” While the show tried to play it off like just-another-wholesome recipe, the dirty folks of the internet had a lot to say about the supposedly family-friendly dish. As one Twitter user pointed out, “Poon … checks notes from 80s-90s…. nope doesn’t check out uncle al just wanted to say poon on network television.”

The “poon” seemed to whet a lot of people’s appetites: “Mmmm-mmm! Can’t wait to get my hands and mouth all over that sweet potato poon.” Another tweet said, “[al roker unveiling his mother’s famous apple cider donuts on the today show] they’re called cinnamon boyholes.” But this is what we’re wondering: “Isn’t Sweet Potato Poon what leads to Truffle Butter?”

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Check out more about the internet’s dirty jokes about Al Roker’s ‘Sweet Potato Poon’: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/krystieyandoli/al-rokers-sweet-potato-poon

Fendi’s $1,000 ‘Touch Of Fur’ Shawl Looks Like A Pussy

vaginaanatomyA new shawl that retails for nearly $1,000 has gotten Twitter’s attention—because people think it looks like a giant vagina. The pink shade of the silk, wool and fur shawl looks shockingly vulva-like, leading the company to remove the shawl from their website after many on social media started making pussy-jokes. The Guardian was among the first to point out that “It makes you look like you’re being born.”

A Twitter user quipped, “My DH just said ‘don’t let bald men wear it’ I can’t imagine why…” Another Twitter user was feeling inspired by the pussy-shawl: “That’s my Halloween costume sorted.” But the best response we heard from Twitter was this gem: “It does look like something warm to slip into on a cold day.”

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Check out more about Fendi’s $1000 vagina shawl: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fendi-vagina-shawl_us_5bc587e4e4b0d38b5870bc28

The Beto Sex Tweet

cup-1010916_1920A tweet that’s spread like wildfire puts into perspective what really matters in the 2020 election: Beto O’Rourke’s ability to make you cum. It seems in the wake of his impressive run against Ted Cruz, people are wondering simultaneously if he’ll run for president and how he is in bed. One woman answered what everyone was thinking with a single tweet.

“Ojeda and Avenatti as candidates are like the guy who thinks good sex is pumping away while you’re making a grocery list in your head wondering when he’ll be done. O’Rourke is like the guy who is all sweet and nerdy but holds you down and makes you cum until your calves cramp.” The tweet blew up after Will and Grace star Debra Messing re-tweeted, apparently agreeing that sex with Beto would involve dom-sub play and muscle spasms. In response to the attention, the woman who made the Beto Sex Tweet locked her Twitter account less than 24 hours after it was posted.

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Check out more about the Beto Sex Tweet: https://www.dailydot.com/layer8/beto-sex-tweet/

Sex Doll Rental Company Recreates Your Dead Lover

Image source: The Daily Dot

There’s a sex doll rental company offering some comfort for the bereaved—literally. Sex Doll Official offers premium sex dolls to purchase, rent, or customize to your heart’s desire, including replicas for customers’ dead partners. The owner says, “We have a lot of people approach us who have dolls made that resemble a partner they have lost. It can be very beneficial for them and helps them keep a piece of their loved one, it provides them with comfort.”

Obviously, Twitter is having a field day with the creepy idea: “Well the part about this that bothers me is that it says ‘RENTAL company.’ So you don’t get to KEEP your dead lover sex doll?” one person said. Another quipped, “Good things to rent include power tools, video games, boats, and apartments. Bad things to rent include plastic molds of your dead wife that you ejaculate into.” This is the creepiest non-Halloween thing we’ve ever seen!

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Check out more about a sex doll rental company that can replicate customers’ dead lovers: https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/replica-sex-doll-rental-company-dead-partner-twitter/

‘Hurt Me’ Sex Memes Are Hilariously Painful

feet-1095408_1280The latest Twitter meme is causing pain to BDSM enthusiasts—pain from too much laughter, that is. Kinksters who like to inflict pain during BDSM sessions will get a real kick out of the new “hurt me” meme. It turns out there’s a lot of different ways to “hurt” someone…

  1. Me during sex: hurt me
    Them: we are in august and you haven’t done anything right with your life in the whole year
    Me: what
    Them: what about all of that new year resolutions you were about to do this year??? Where are they??
    Me: stop
  2. Me: I want you to hurt me 😉
    Them: My Chemical Romance broke up
    Me: Wait-
    Them: 5 years ago
    Me: STOP!
  3. [during sex] me: hurt me
    her: sir this is a McDonald’s
    me: McHurt me
  4. Me: I want you to hurt me
    Her: You’ll never get to save the quarian ark
    Me: Wait
    Her: And it’s going to be years before there’s another Mass Effect or Dragon Age
    Me: Stop!

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Check out more “hurt me” memes: https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/hurt-me-sex-memes/

9 Mind-Blowing(ly Funny) Sex Jokes

sexinspaceWhen it comes to sex, feisty Twitter users want to make us scream—with laughter, that is. That’s right, the dirty joksters of Twitter are at it again, and this time they’re really bringing the raunchiness. Here are 9 sex jokes that are sure to blow your mind:

  1. “[during sex]
    her: call me names
    me: george.”
    Well, at least you didn’t call her by the wrong name…
  2. “Day 126 with no sex. I’ve lost hearing in my right eye.”
    Not having sex is dangerous, people!
  3. “The strap on the back of crocs is so they stay on during sex.”
    Adventurous!
  4. “[After sex] Sorry I was clapping so much.”
    Bravo, you sex machine, you!
  5. “Sex is a lot like Mario Kart, you go really fast, you throw some bananas, Wario is there.”
    Naughty, naughty Mario!
  6. “Shower sex is overrated fuck me in the microwave.”
    Hot!
  7. “[during sex]
    her: i want you to hurt me
    me: your sister’s more successful than you
    her: wait
    me: not a big fan of the new haircut
    her: stop.”
    Kinky!
  8. “casual sex means you get to wear jeans during it.”
    Ummm….
  9. “[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] ‘Go on without me.'”
    Not much of a go-get-er, eh?

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Check out more Twitter sex jokes: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jamiejones/jokes-about-sex-that-will-have-you-screaming