Tag: twitter

7 Hilarious Sex Horror Stories On Twitter

volcanoWho doesn’t love a good sex horror story to lift your spirits. We all have some embarrassing story, and the good people on Twitter are more than happy to share theirs. Here are the best/worst ones.

  1. “my worst one was DEFINITELY the time i was on top w this guy & out of NOWHERE the ball of my nipple piercing FELL OFF & LANDED IN HIS MOUTH & HE STARTED CHOKING HAHAHAHA.”
    When naughty piercings go wrong…
  2. “Did it on a bed with wheels and I honestly could not contain myself when we started making our way over to the other side of the room.”
    That’s one way to switch it up!
  3. “Went home with a girl one night (very drunk) to cut a long story short in my taxi home the next morning the taxi driver looks at me and says ‘what’s happened to your face mate, fighting last night was you?’ Period blood everywhere.”
    Accidental blood hound!
  4. “The one and only time I’ve ever had a three way. I got both girls pregnant.”
    Three’s company too?
  5. “giving my bf head in a straight up public street in coolock at 2am and some girl shouted over HOWS IT TASTE and i stopped briefly, shouted FUCKING UNREAL LOVE then continued.”
    Delicious!
  6. “ate some hot wings once and when i went to finger a bird the remains of the hot sauce started burning the insides of her fanny and she started screaming.”
    Not hot…
  7. “I had a guy over and woke up the next morning to find that he SHAVED HIS PUBES IN MY SINK WITH MY RAZOR.”
    Fetish thing?

Looking for a memorable sexual experience? You’ll never forget what happens at NiteFlirt!

Check out more hilarious sex horror stories on Twitter: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jamedjackson/sex-horror-stories-straight-from-twitter

Ariana Grande Defends A$AP Rocky’s Dick After Leaked Sex Tape

7350054890_99bf861756_oOn Twitter, Ariana Grande came to the defense of A$AP Rocky after his alleged sex tape leaked. It seems there’s been some unflattering memes circulating about the tape—specifically, about Rocky’s dick. He tweeted: “MY PENIS AND I WOKE UP 2 THE ALARMING DISTURBANCE OF A VIDEO CLIP 2DAY .AS HIS DEFENSE ATTORNEY WE’RE PREPARED 2 DENY ANY SLOW STROKES OR LACK OF KILLIN THE PUSSY .A LONG LIST OF SATISFIED WOMEN CAN ATTEST TOO.”

If that wasn’t persuasive enough, Grande’s response was even better: “My friend Courtney said it looked just fine!” Grande tweeted, plugging Courtney Chipolone’s Instagram handle in the post. Grande then doubled-down on her remarks with a shoutout to her friend: “Merry Christmas Courtney,” the singer wrote. Chipolone wasn’t mad—she posted a screenshot of Grande’s original tweet to an Instagram story with the caption: “@arianagrande my guy.”

Looking for some sexual satisfaction? We’ve gotten no complaints here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about Ariana Grande defending A$AP Rocky’s dick on Twitter: https://www.dailydot.com/irl/ariana-grande-courtney-chipolone-asap-rocky/

Brands Are Tweeting X-Rated Comments

1It seems companies are getting in on the meme game where people challenge their followers to name things you can say 1) during sex and 2) while tweeting on behalf of your brand. To Netflix’s tweet “what’s something you can say during sex but also when you manage a brand twitter account?”, Ben & Jerry’s responded with, “Do you wanna take a lick?” Wingstop said, “Bone-in please.”

Pepsi apparently likes it in the butt: “we prefer it in the can.” While Absolut had solid advice for both vodka and fucking—“Slow down, you want it to last”—Instagram got right to the point: “double tap.” Kettle Chips said “you can go elbow deep in me” and Tazo Tea had this helpful tip: “Sometimes it helps to blow on it first.” Of course, Animal Planet requested that followers “send a *good* snake pic.”

Looking to play a naughty game? We’re all about getting X-rated here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about brands tweeting X-rated comments: https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/netflix-brands-name-something-you-say-during-sex

Meme ‘Name Something You Can Say During Sex And Another Activity’ Goes Viral

SextingApparently there are a lot of things you can say that will make sense both during sex and while being held hostage, at a football game, or any other unrelated activity. The Twitter meme that follows the format, “Name something you can say during sex and also while [unrelated activity]” has everyone on the internet playing along. Someone asked, “Name something you can say during a Giants game and sex,” and a Twitter user responded: “Didn’t perform well but at least we’re gaining more experience.”

One person said, “Why am I even here? This is terrible. What I got at home is better anyways” in response to another who wrote, “What’s something you say in a Starbucks and that you can also say during sex?” To a hostage situation someone tweeted, “I think the bonds are a bit loose. Can you please tighten them?” Journalist David Itzkoff wrote, “I hope this doesn’t get overshadowed by a baby someday” in response to someone who asked Twitter users to “name something you can say during Star Wars and sex.”

Looking for something naughty to say? We love talking dirty here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about a meme that asks Twitter to name something they can say during sex and an another activity:https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/name-something-you-can-say-during-sex-meme/

There Was A Wild Sex Toy Featured In ‘Watchmen’

measurement-1476913_640In case you’re just tuning in to Watchmen, the new HBO series that takes after the comic book, we have big news: Dr. Manhattan’s huge dick was featured in the latest episode. Dr. Manhattan’s ex, Silk Spectre, reveals a massive blue dildo modeled after his dick, complete with detachable balls. While the sex toy was not on screen for long, it made a big impact on the internet.

“Ok. That dildo on #watchmen was so big it should’ve been listed in the credits as an extra,” said one fan on Twitter. Another tweet read, “Was Silk Spectre’s dildo an accurate representation of Dr. Manhattan’s junk? If so, GOOD LORD. #Watchmen.” Fans can get a Dr. Manhattan-inspired dildo in real life for $92.

Looking for some big pleasure? Let’s get wild on NiteFlirt!

Check out more about a massive dildo featured on Watchmen: https://mashable.com/article/watchmen-sex-toy/

Twitter Users Guess Which Fictional Villains Are Based On Sexual Fetishes

9741737763_d422cd07c8_zComic book writer Gail Simone asked Twitter users which villains they suspect are manifestations of creators’ sexual fetishes. “Um…my bet is on EVERY villain/villainess is based on a sexual fetish,” Twitter user @amenakamel wrote. “But Catwoman is glaringly obvious — hello BDSM.” Another user added, “I pretty much assume Chris Claremont was extremely horny for all 26 years he was writing X-Men.”

In fact, most of the thread was dedicated to Claremont, who co-created the Hellfire Club, a fictional society inspired by the real-life Victorian-era secret society in which aristocrats drank, had kinky sex, and tried to summon the devil. Somebody added, “I’m sorry Chris but you seem to like ladies who would literally step on you.” And as it turns out, a lot of Claremont’s work seems to feature tentacles. Kinky comic nerds…

Want to explore your sexual fetishes? Come make your fantasies a reality right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about which villains fans suspect are based on sexual fetishes: https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/gail-simone-fictional-villains-creator-sexual-fetish/

10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids

If you’re a parent, you know the often hilarious truth about sex after kids. As one tweet accurately puts it, “Your sex life as a parent basically becomes ‘Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep.’” Here are the funniest tweets from parents about post-kids sex.

  1. “If your sexytime music is cartoons playing loudly outside your locked door, you might be a parent.”
    Mood music!
  2. “Husband and I wrestled behind closed doors this morning. My daughter busted in and pounced on his back.
    No one won the wrestling match. No one.”
    Time for a rematch?
  3. “Me: Do that thing I like
    Husband: [takes the kids and leaves]”
    Sexy!
  4. “[Married pillow-talk]
    Husband: What’s your deepest fantasy?
    Me: That when our kids eat dinner they don’t leave any crumbs under the table.”
    Dirty talk indeed!
  5. “Being married with children is like being a teenager again. You can only have sex if you sneak around and don’t get caught.”
    That can be hot!
  6. “Be sure to keep the spark alive by texting him sexy little nothings like,
    ‘We need to check the kids for lice’ and ‘please buy tampons.'”
    A truly generous lover!
  7. “Having sex when you’re a parent is like trying to shoot from half court with 3 seconds left on the clock.”
    Score!
  8. “Before kids: shower sex
    After kids: shower decontamination.”
    Dangerous when wet!
  9. “Him: What are you wearing?
    Me: Medical-grade hospital socks with anti-slip technology.”
    There is probably a fetish for that…
  10. “The best thing about sex after kids is probably no matter where in your house or car you do it, you end up with legos, Barbie shoes, or Shopkins lodged in your body.”
    Professional hazards.

Looking to re-spark your sex life? You don’t need a babysitter for NiteFlirt!

Check out more funny tweets about sex after kids: https://www.buzzfeed.com/asiawmclain/funny-sex-after-kids-tweets

Elizabeth Warren Tweets About ‘Cougars’ To Make Fun Of Sex Scandal

cup-1010916_1920Elizabeth Warren joked about claims by two right wing conspiracy theorists that she paid for the services of a 25-year-old male escort by tweeting about her college football team – the Houston Cougars. Warren’s accuser Kelvin Whelly, a bodybuilding former US Marine, was paraded in front the media with a sign reading ‘Elizabeth Warren Cougar?’ behind him. Whelly said he met the senator through a male escort website, Cowboys4Angels, and that their sex sessions included bondage and sex toys.

The ex-Marine told the media Warren messaged him saying that he should ‘bring toys’ and that he should surprise her. He went on to claim Warren was into bondage and ‘violent’ sexual tendencies, with the pair having ‘many BDSM sessions’ together. Warren responded on Twitter: “It’s always a good day to be reminded that I got where I am because a great education was available for $50 a semester at the University of Houston (go Cougars!). We need to cancel student debt and make college free for everyone who wants it.”

Looking for some hot Cougar action? We can always surprise you here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about Elizabeth Warren tweeting about Cougars: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7538349/Elizabeth-Warren-makes-fun-allegations-bondage-sex-sessions-bodybuilding-ex-marine.html

9 Of The Wildest Stories From ‘Sex Sent Me To The ER’

Sex Sent Me To The ER was a show on TLC that used actors to reenact real-life sex mishaps. The stories were both scary and hilarious—and definitely served as good cautionary tales. Here are some of the wildest stories:

  1. Woman had severe vaginal pains after her husband used exploding candy rocks to perform oral sex.
    When food in the bedroom goes wrong….
  2. Woman got third degree burns because her partner poured a melted gummy bear on her chest.
    This is not sticky/sweet!
  3. Guy got his penis stuck in the door knob hole while trying to having kinky sex with his girlfriend.
    Kinky in a bad way…
  4. Couple got electrocuted while having sex on a mechanical bull.
    The woman said, “and then boom! I’m getting electrocuted via my vagina.”
  5. Couple had sex on the bus during a Zombie Run and when a “zombie” spooked them, this woman jumped, and accidentally broke her nose.
    Run for your (sex) life!
  6. Guy got third degree burns on his foot because he was hooking up by an open fire.
    Hot?
  7. Man had a legless lizard slither into his urethra because he was butt naked outside in an attempt to find his “sexual spirit.”
    Maybe he was really looking for his spirit animal?
  8. Guy slipped and hit his head on a meat hook while trying to have sex with his wife in a meat freezer.
    What men will do for a piece of tail…
  9. Couple got sick from C. coli, a bacteria found in pigs, after having sex in the mud.
    Dirty, literally!

Want to get sexually adventurous? You don’t have to roll around in the mud to get dirty, just c’mon over to NiteFlirt and we’ll help!

Check out more about the best sex mishaps from ‘Sex Sent Me To The ER’: https://www.buzzfeed.com/ajanibazile/sex-sent-me-to-the-er

Brexit Is Destroying Sex Lives

2-215Sexually frustrated people in the UK have taken to Twitter to complain about how their sex drives have dwindled due to the stress Brexit is causing them. Some have even filed for divorce after their partner voted differently than they did. Some have remained with their partners, but feel too angry about things to have sex with them.

Luckily, these sexit-themed jokes about how “BoJo killed your mojo” have relieved some unfortunate tension: one tweet says, “In other words Hard Brexit or Soft Brexit?” Another writes, “These days my hard backstop is always a part of my withdrawal agreement.” But this tweet pretty much sums it up: “I find that I am getting screwed everyday with Brexit.”

Want to relieve some sexual tension? As Al Green says, “Let’s stay together” here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more sexit-themed jokes on Twitter: https://mashable.com/article/brexit-sex-lives/