Tag: tweets

8 Tweets About Sex During Quarantine

Twitter has some things to say about sex during quarantine that are as funny as they are painfully true. Whether you’re single and socially responsible (i.e., celibate) or cooped up with bae, these tweets definitely capture what sex is like right now. Here are the best 8 tweets.

  1. “Me: I’ve got the coronavirus. Bae: so I’m not seeing you this week?” Bae gonna have to wait!
  2. “I’m so horny this is rock bottom: ‘do you watch rick and morty. PICKLE RICKKKKK.’” There is a Rick and Morty porn parody!
  3. “We’re in quarantine so if ur still not getting booty pics ur a loser.” Show some love, send a booty pic!
  4. “Never having sex has officially gone from LAME to VERY COOL AND SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE.” It’s funny cause it’s true.
  5. “if you aren’t quarantined with someone that you can have sex with at any time, you may be entitled to financial compensation.” Fair enough!
  6. “bae: come over. me: can’t in self isolation. Bae: my parents aren’t home. me: but they SHOULD be.” Bae, have you heard of phone sex?
  7. “My mom is overly supportive: Mom: ‘I bet with social distancing phone sex is on the rise.’” Mama knows best.
  8. “There are no rules for dating during the pandemic. Cyber date 16 dudes at once, have phone sex in your childhood bedroom, ask “what are we” after the second zoom date, join your ex’s new girlfriend’s IG Live, find a sugar daddy to buy you a peloton, the possibilities are endless.” The glass is half full!

Looking for socially responsible sex? There’s nothing better than phone sex at NiteFlirt!

Check out more hilarious tweets about sex during quarantine: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/tweets-about-sex-and-dating-during-self-isolati

These Musicians Invented Sex, According To The Latest Twitter Meme

condomsIt turns out sex was invented by musical acts like Lady Gaga, The 1975, and BTS—at least according to Twitter. After a religious tweet went viral for saying that sex was created by God, Twitter users responded that, actually, musicians being openly horny encouraged everyone else to do the same. Here are the best responses to the tweet, “Sex was created by God, for marriage, between a husband and a wife. Not for a boyfriend and girlfriend that are dating.”

  1. “sex was invented in 2012 when the 1975 said ‘if we’re gonna do anything we might as well just fuck'”
    Good idea!
  2. “sex was invented by lana del rey in 2012 when she wrote down the words ‘my pussy tastes like pepsi cola’”
    Delicious!
  3. “sex was invented in 2008 when Lady Gaga said ‘let’s have some fun this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick'”
    Definitely makes us want to get down!
  4. “sex was invented in 2014 when yoongi rapped ‘my voice turns people on, whether be a man or a woman, the flexible movements of my tongue will make you cum'”
    Hot!
  5. “Sex was invented in 1994 when Marilyn Manson said ‘I am the god of fuck!'”
    So sex was created by god!
  6. “No offense but I thought sex was invented in the Purple Rain movie when Prince told Appelonia to purify herself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka”
    They’re not wrong…
  7. “sex was invented in 2012 by bruno mars when he said ’cause your sex takes me to paradise'”
    Sexy and heavenly!
  8. “sex was invented in 2011 when the lonely island and akon released ‘i just had sex'”
    Naughty!
  9. “sex was invented in 2012 when one direction said ‘i want you to rock me'”
    Further proof that sex was invented by horny musicians!

Looking for some sexy fun? We can take you to paradise right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the Twitter meme about musicians inventing sex: https://mashable.com/article/sex-was-invented-meme/

8 Hilarious Tweets About Sex

deliveyrinrear-haymarketrebelTwitter nails it (pun intended!) on the raunchy tweets. The Twitterverse just seems to understand how well the platform works for sex jokes. Here are 8 of the most hilarious and naughty tweets about sex.

  1. “[during sex]
    Me: hurt me
    Him: your metabolism isn’t what it was in high school and it shows
    Me: wait
    Him: you never lived up to your potential because you rely on talent instead of work ethic & immediately abandon everything you’re bad at because you’re afraid of failure.”
    Ouch!
  2. “‘Okay now let’s do a silly one!’ – me after sex.”
    It’s funny cause it’s true…
  3. “pee after sex or you will get a tgi friday’s.”
    Or an HGTV!
  4. “british people be having sex like:
    mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving.”
    Cheerio!
  5. “i’m tryna have sex so rough that the earthquake is shook.”
    Sex goals right there.
  6. “Shower sex is overrated fuck me in the microwave.”
    Inventive!
  7. “Sex is like pizza, if you’re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you’re doing.”
    Sage advice.
  8. “yeah sure love is love but I’m pretty sure douching ur ass for 2 hours to bottom for a top who you have to double text in order to get a one word response isn’t love, sweetie.”
    Words to live by.

Looking to have a good time? Let’s get naughty at NiteFlirt!

Check out more raunchy sex tweets: https://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanschocket2/just-22-hilarious-tweets-about-sex

James Blunt’s X-rated Twitter Posts

britishunderwearUK mega-star James Blunt is all about bawdy humor on his widely-followed social media accounts. The naughty musician took things up a notch when he shared details about his sex life on Twitter in response to a fan’s question. When the fan asked the musician about how he seduces women with his music, Blunt responded: “Wet.”

The tweet garnered over 82,000 likes and 11,000 shares. A couple of days before, another social media user had asked Blunt: “How do you get a girl with your music?” Cheeky James wrote back: “You get one free with every album purchase. (Terms and Conditions apply.)”

Looking for something X-rated? Come find out the naughty ways we seduce fans here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about James Blunt’s X-rated Twitter posts: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-6950331/James-Blunt-makes-X-rated-joke-sex-life-Twitter.html

8 Hilarious Tweets And Tumblr Posts About Sex

5942090561_8656911f4b_zPeople on the internet keep it real when it comes to sharing funny observations about sex. And the most hilarious, sex-related posts are funny ’cause they’re true. Here are 8 silly tweets and Tumblr posts about sex that are just too much (check out more below).

  1. “I hate the word nut, cum is a nicer word.”“Oh, look at the squirrels storing cum for the winter.” Squirrels and humans alike love cum!
  2. “him: did u cum?
    me: yes, to the realization that this was a mistake.”     We’ve all been there!
  3. “boys get really hot and bothered when sexting and I’m probably laughing during it and eating macaroni.” Well, that does sound like a delicious way to multitask!
  4. “attention men: pls stop telling us you want to go down on us for ‘hours.’ thats way too long. we have stuff to do. i’ve got a lasagne cooking.” The perfect combo: orgasm followed by lasagne.
  5. “Having sex outside sounds pretty adventurous but what if a bug crawl up ya asshole then what you gone do.” The deep questions in life…
  6. “Sex sounds the same as when you stir potato salad.” Mmm, wet and delicious!
  7. “Fuck her from the back while she’s cooking eggs in morning for you.”“Y’all gonna learn to stop taking sex advice from Tumblr when ya titty hit that hot pan on the stove.” Ouch! Breakfast can wait…
  8. “Apparently the average person has sex 89 times a year. This is going to be a fucking brilliant week.” Better get down to business!

Looking for something to lift your mood? We’ve got just the thing to make your week fucking brilliant on NiteFlirt!

Check out more hilarious tweets about sex: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/dirty-tweets-and-tumblr-posts-that-will-make-you-scream?utm_term=.kcAzY7P10w#.aaax1WQ53E

8 Dirty Tweets From 2017 That You’ll Still Be Laughing At In 2018

kgoalboostIt was a good year for raunchy tweets. That’s why we found some that were so funny you can still enjoy them next year! Here are 8 dirty tweets that you’ll still remember come (pun intended) 2018.

  1. “My mum asked if I had anything to suck on during the flight; apparently ‘idk what does the pilot look like’ wasn’t an acceptable answer.” Sorry, ma—trying to join the Mile High Club!
  2. “‘No sex before marriage.’
    ‘Say it after me.’” Exactly.
  3. “*reads motivational makeup bag: ‘If at first you don’t succeed fix your ponytail and try again.’
    Is this about sucking dick?” Obviously. And it’s good advice, too!
  4. “You know the pussy good when you pull yo dick out, and it sound like you refreshing yo TL.” Mmm, nothing more refreshing and delicious!
  5. “Every time u yawn in October, a ghost put his dick in ur mouth.” OMG! Yes!
  6. “reading sexts you sent when ur not horny anymore and u can’t believe those things went thru ur head.” It’s true…
  7. “‘did you cum?’
    ‘yeah to my senses, get out of my house.’”     We’ve all been there.
  8. “@Gordon Ramsay: ‘This I why I love meat…’
    @andywarhella: ‘when the pipe got ya legs shakin and ya eyes rollin back in ur head.’” Where’s the beef?

Looking for some naughty fun? We’ve got just what you need to end 2017 on a high note on NiteFlirt.

Check out more raunchy tweets that will keep you laughing in the new year: https://www.buzzfeed.com/genamourbarrett/the-worst-things-to-happen-to-food-in-2017

11 Funny Tweets About Female Masturbation

Image Source: Flickr.com | WillVisionThe comedians of Twitter did not “beat around the bush” with these hilarious tweets about female masturbation. Let’s just say you’ll be laughing until your batteries run out! Here are 11 funny tweets about rubbing one out.

  1. “is ‘beatboxing’ a good euphemism for female masturbation? asking for a friend. she’s a world class beatboxer.” Perfect euphemism…for your friend.
  2. “Did Catholic school ruin my chances at a healthy relationship with my vibrator.” We’ll pray for you.
  3. “Why is it called masturbation and not beating around your bush?” The important questions in life.
  4. “M: *drunk* This vibrator isn’t working.
    H: *from another room* HAS ANYONE SEEN THE REMOTE?”     Whoops!
  5. “I’ll take the batteries out of the TV remote to use in my vibrator. IDGAF.” Get ‘er done!
  6. “Anything’s a dildo if you’re  brave enough.” What you call brave, we call resourceful!
  7. “I bought batteries for my toothbrush but put them in my vibrator instead because priorities.” #lifegoals
  8. “Shower sex.
    Only it’s me and my vibrator getting it on.”     Nothing wrong with a little me-time!
  9. “‘Let’s call them robots in disguise!’
    ‘We’ve already decided they’re personal massagers.’
    -Carl gets outvoted at the vibrator ad meeting.”     Robot personal massagers?
  10. “Remember when a selfie stick was just called a dildo?” The good ol’ days.
  11. “Ugh – NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theater again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered ‘inappropriate'” But not uncommon for a Ryan Gosling movie, let’s be honest.

In the mood for some quality entertainment? Come check out our beatboxing skills on NiteFlirt!

Here’s more funny tweets about female masturbation: https://www.buzzfeed.com/crystalro/hilarious-tweets-about-masturbating-by-women-for-women

8 Funny Tweets That Prove Human Sexuality Is Weird

Some people on Twitter don’t hold anything on back—especially when it concerns sex. Whether they’re keeping it real, waxing poetic, or just being silly, these hilarious tweets prove that there’s nothing humans haven’t thought about when it comes to sex. Here are 8 funny tweets that will make you feel better about the weird thoughts you’ve had about sex.jean_koulev

  1. “Ryan Reynolds looks kind of orange and suddenly I’m wondering if I’m attracted to Oompa Loompas & citrus bc I’m still down #GoldenGlobes”
    If only Oompa Loompas looked like Ryan Reynolds…it could be a new fetish!
  2. “This sensual video of Cole Sprouse eating a hamburger will make you feel some type of way.”
    This proves guys are turned on by everything!
  3. “If I were a lobster, the rubber bands would turn me on, to be honest.”
    Lobsters and bondage—makes sense to us!
  4. “I get turned on by people who make Star Wars references. I’m C3PO-sexual.”
    The force for horniness is strong with this one!
  5. “Cosmopolitan tweets: ‘My husband loves leaving fruit in my vagina all day so he can eat it later.’
    Twitter response: Oh. We just use a bowl in the kitchen.”
    Delicious!
  6. “Hi I’m Katie, my turn-ons include smoking, scrunchies, science & S-E-X. Don’t like rude men, very loud trucks, murder or crowded libraries.”
    The lady knows what she likes!
  7. “Graduate from college and all of a sudden you’re turned on by stainless steel appliances and sales on organic food at Trader Joe’s”
    Yup. Sounds about right.
  8. “WOMAN: guys suck
    GUY: ugh I know right? guys are the worst. except me haha. i am good and nice. can you send me pics of ur feet?”
    It’s funny cause it’s true!

Want to get weird and wild? We never hold anything back here!

Check out more hilarious tweets about sex: https://www.buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/theres-a-place-called-glory-hole-donuts-and-you-will-want

#ThingsISayAfterSex Is the Funniest Hashtag On Twitter 

AfterSex 640Oh, Twitter. Just when we think the tweets can’t get any funnier, along comes the hashtag #ThingsISayAfterSex. Try not to cry—whether from laughter or truth—after reading these.

  1. Get tested. #ThingsISayAfterSex
    Safety first!
  2. Good game. #ThingsISayAfterSex
    High five!
  3. Nothing, because I don’t like to talk to my right hand. #ThingsISayAfterSex
    It’s funny cause it’s true!
  4. Why are you still here? #ThingsISayAfterSex
    That was good and all but…
  5. You gonna change my grade now? #ThingsISayAfterSex
    Hot for teacher!
  6. Bring your friend over next time. #ThingsISayAfterSex
    Three’s company too!
  7. I better be breathless and not able to say anything. #ThingsISayAfterSex
    One would hope.
  8. DOESN’T MATTER, HAD SEX. #ThingsISayAfterSex 
    Truth.

Looking for an experience that will leave you breathless? Let’s do some dirty talking!

Check out more #ThingsISayAfterSex here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/samanthawieder/people-are-tweeting-thingsisayaftersex-and-its-too-funny

9 Hilarious Tweets About Masturbating

Image Source: Flickr.com | User: rccola159When it comes to cracking jokes about jerking off, you just have to give a hand (see what we did there?) to these witty people writing hilarious tweets about masturbating. As one Twitter user says, masturbation is really just a “VERY poorly attended orgy.” Here are 9 hilarious tweets about masturbating.

  1. “Good term for masturbation I just thought of – Jackin’ the peen stalk”
    Gotta climb to the top of the peen stalk and wrestle the one-eyed ogre to get that golden goose!
  2. “My caught masturbating face is exactly the same as my caught jamming out to NSYNC face because they’re simultaneous.”
    We don’t know, the latter might be more embarrassing…
  3. “Who called it “Masturbation tips for women” rather than ‘Dildos and Dildon’ts’.”
    It’s funny cause it’s true!
  4. “If there’s a sock on my doorknob it means I’m having sex with the other one.”
    Make sure you knock before entering!
  5. “If these walls could talk I’d almost certainly masturbate less.”
    Good thing they can’t—no reason to stop jerkin’ it!
  6. “Do guys have a go to masturbation sock like I do with shoesHAHAHA I’M KIDDING! I would never! I’m a lady.

    It’s an adorable strappy sandal.”
    Talk about a foot fetish!
  7. “The first rule of masturbation club is to come alone.#NationalMasturbationDay”
    The second rule of masturbation club: You do not talk about masturbation club—unless you’re cracking jokes about it on Twitter!
  8. “Is ‘toot my own horn’ a euphemism for masturbating yet?”
    It is now!
  9. “My friends gave me a bunch of sex toys for my birthday as a ‘joke.’ I can’t stop laughing*

    *masturbating”
    The gift that keeps on giving, er, receiving?

Looking to find some good lovin’ without the aid of a sock? We don’t mean to toot our own horn, but a NiteFlirt party is SO much better than a party of one!

Check out more hilarious tweets about masturbating here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/tweets-about-masturbating-that-are-just-really-really-fun#.iaDVgWbqox