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Pornographer Recreates ‘Venus De Milo’ With Giant Tits

A former pornographer recently unveiled his X-rated interpretation of the Venus de Milo statue. His statue, Algorithmic Beauty, depicts an XXX version of the famed statue taking a selfie. Algorithmic Beauty was created by Greg Lansky, who was one of the most successful pornographers in the business until he sold his company, Vixen Media Group, in 2020 to pursue other businesses and interests.

Lansky posted that he created it with scans, 3D modeling, and Italian marble milling technology. People are sharply divided over whether Algorithmic Beauty has artistic merit or is simply the result of a horny fetish. One Twitter user called the statue “Big Honkers Venus de Milo,” while another said, “Just say you wanted to put big fake titties on the Venus de Milo, who cares.”

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Notorious Soccer Fan Who Flashed The Entire Stadium Goes Pro On OnlyFans

One soccer fan is cashing in on her World Cups. A woman who went viral for flashing an entire stadium is joining OnlyFans. “Hi guys, subscribe to know all my secrets,” the woman teases on her account.

She joined the X-rated platform following her NSFW stunt, which occurred while the Tigres UANL faced off against C.F. Pachuca at the Liga MX championship game in Nuevo León. The Tigres, who were the home team, had been awarded a penalty kick to break a tie in the final minutes of the second half—fortunately, they ended up scoring the goal and winning the game, whereupon the woman celebrated by lifting up her shirt and displaying her tits to the crowd. At one point, spectators even got to pose for selfies with the topless, soccer-loving exhibitionist.

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Check out more about a soccer fan who flashed an entire stadium joining OnlyFans: https://nypost.com/2022/11/08/soccer-fan-who-flashed-entire-stadium-joins-onlyfans/

Adidas Frees The Nipple

Adidas might be the first sportswear brand to “free the nipple.” They tweeted out a poster featuring 25 unique sets of breasts to promote its new sports bra line that includes 43 styles, “so everyone can find the right fit for them.” The company wrote in its tweet: “We believe women’s breasts in all shapes and sizes deserve support and comfort.”

The breasts and accompanying sets of nipples featured in the tweet come in all shapes, sizes, and skin tones. The all-inclusive poster has yet to be shared on Facebook or Instagram, whose shared parent company, Meta, says it removes “images of female breasts if they include the nipple.” Adidas says its new sports bra collection “comes in our most extensive and inclusive size range yet,” and is engineered to support all body sizes through the full range of workouts, with light, medium, and high levels of support.

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Check out more about Adidas freeing the nipple with its new ad: https://jezebel.com/adidas-freed-the-nipple-and-we-welcome-them-to-the-res-1848507605

Florida Cops Could Be Fired For Fucking On the Job

Image Source: Flickr.com | Emelec Pasion

Some Florida cops could get fired for getting a little too frisky with their handcuffs. The two veteran police officers were caught fucking and sexting while on duty. An internal investigation has uncovered video evidence and naughty pictures of the cops while in uniform, which the Jupiter Police Department say is “conduct unbecoming an officer” and grounds for termination.

It seems one officer filmed himself receiving oral sex from the other officer on her phone. He also took a photo of himself wearing his SWAT uniform with his dick out, which he sent to the female officer. She in turn sent him a photo of herself exposing her breasts in her uniform shirt. These cops’ x-rated behavior while in the line of duty has led the force to question “their performance as police officers…not their relationship.” Well, it’s clear who the “bad cops” are in this scenario—so naughty!

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Check out more about the cops getting it on while in the uniform: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cops-fired-sex-on-duty_us_58a5e060e4b045cd34bf7c3e

Scientists Discover Surprising Truth About Boob Preference

Boobs: guys love them. And recently, a team of European scientists received funding to study the everlasting male obsession with female breasts. In a report aptly titled “Men’s preferences for women’s breast size and shape in four cultures,” published in the Journal of Evolution and Human Behavior, a team of researchers (both male and female) report that it might be shape, not size, that appeals to men when appraising a breast’s attractiveness.

The study also found that, surprisingly, bigger isn’t necessarily better—it seems firmness is the most important quality for men, which is why shape is so essential. Scientists think the research might shine light on the evolutionary reason why men are so infatuated with boobs, since breast shape can give important clues about a woman’s fertility. So, there you have it: since the dawn of man, dudes have admired boobs.

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Check out more about the boob preference study: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/inverse/breast-obsessed-scientist_b_13462238.html

This Dude Got Breast Implants to Win a $100,000 Bet

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done to win a bet? Well, if your name is Brian Zembic, an American “gambler/magician,” you’ve lived in a box on fifth avenue for a week, lived in a friend’s bathroom for a month, slept under the fifty-ninth street bridge with $10,000 wrapped around your ankle for a week, and—most impressively—gotten breast implants! Here’s his story, recounted on a recent episode of the show “Botched.”

“There’s very few things I wouldn’t do on a bet,” explained Zembic. This proved true one night in 1997 when, after admiring his friend’s girlfriend’s breast implants and then boasting “If I had boobs like hers, I can get just as much attention as she would,” his friend offered him $100,000 to prove his claim. And so he asked his plastic surgeon/gambler friend if it could be done, and then proceeded to beat him in a game of backgammon to get the procedure for free. “They really did look nice,” said Zembic about his newly acquired breasts that he’s had ever since. “And now I can see why women do certain poses, like push their boobs together or turn to the side so they look good.”

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Check out more about the man who got breast implants to win a bet: https://jezebel.com/did-you-hear-about-the-dude-who-got-breast-implants-to-1777875957

12 Foods That Totally Don’t Look Like Anything Else

Even though you might feel a bit immature snickering at a peach that looks like an ass or a squash that looks like a giant dick, we’ve all done it. And while you probably think you have a dirty mind for giggling at a banana that looks just like a boner, we’re here to assure you that your laughter is warranted. And Distractify does, too—they made a hilarious list of foods that don’t remotely look like anything else (check it out below). Here are some highlights.

That Banana Sundae is Sure Happy to See You
Some prankster stood the banana erect and made balls out of two scoops of vanilla ice cream. This makes us crave dessert!
Hot Dogs and Bun
“Nothing to see here. Just some hot dogs being inserted into a bun.”
T-Bone Pussy Steak
Mmm, nothing better than steak and pussy!
Double-Breasted Ice Cream Cone
Titty-fucking, anyone?
Chicken Wing Cock
The chicken wing takes after its father (who must have been very well endowed). Finger lickin’ good!
Grapefruit Vagina
Auntie Angel (of the famous grapefruit blowjob) would approve.
Jelly Filled Vajonuts
Oops, we meant donuts! So creamy…
Masculine Carrot
The lady carrots love him!
Two Scoops of Ice Cream with Two Cherries on Top, Please
Those are some perky scoops there! Makes us want to lick the cherries right off.
Pink Glazed Donut
Sugary butt sex.
Cock Melons
No, seriously. These look exactly like cocks! It’s uncanny.
Cock Sausage
Mmm, spicy!

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Check out Distractify’s list “18 Foods That Don’t Remotely Look Like Anything Else.”

Coffin Company Promotes Its Product with Topless Calendar

A Polish casket company has a somewhat unconventional approach to selling its product—instead of tasteful images of coffins, it features sexy topless women promising your loved one a very good time in the afterlife! The company’s business plan: to feature top-of-the-line caskets with top-of-the-line tits and ass. While it’s controversial to sex up death, this company is pure class when it comes to its caskets with scantily clad ladies draped over them.

This year’s theme is retro, so the sexy girls wrapped in furs and lace can really help the recently deceased go out in style. “We enjoy showing our beautiful coffins, and what better way than including beautiful girls?” company owner Zbigniew Lindner said in a statement. The naked calendar also suggests that your dearly departed will get a whole lot more than just a beautiful casket to rest in peace in! Poland’s Catholic church is justifiably outraged, saying that “human death should not be mixed with sex,” but we wonder whether your frisky Uncle Bob wouldn’t want these ladies to get him even more “stiff” than he already is!

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Check out more about a Polish casket company’s topless calendar.

Sexting Is a New Name For an Old Activity

While most people think that sexting is a new phenomenon, history tells a very different story. Recently, a 17th century erotic portrait was put up for sale of one of Charles II’s long time mistress washing a string of sausages with her tits out! Its small, paper-sheet size shows that it was intended for an “intimate purpose in the court circle,” according to the Guardian. Although this seems shocking for the time, sending explicit photos and messages has actually been around for centuries.

Former president Warren Harding wrote to his mistress about “Jerry,” which was code name for his cock!—“if he [Jerry, his cock] could have but one wish, it would be to be held in your darling embrace and be thrilled by your pink lips that convey the surpassing rapture of human touch and the unspeakable joy of love’s surpassing embrace.” And James Joyce was famous for writing his wife filthy letters: “My sweet naughty little fuckbird,” he writes, “Buy whorish drawers, love, and be sure you sprinkle the legs of them with some nice scent and also discolour them just a little behind.” By the time of WWII, ladies were sending their men off with homemade pin-ups to keep them company. And by the time of polaroid film, the ladies were sending their soldiers off with “private pornographic photographs.” It just goes to show that desire never changes; it’s just the medium of expressing it that does.

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Here’s more about the history of “sexting!”

NEWS: Who The Hell Could Replace Kelly Lebrock!?

Folks, your prayers have been answered! Word on the street is the 1985 hormone-fueled hilarious teen classic “Weird Science” is getting remade. This John Hughes gem was totally ahead of its time, it quenched the thirst of so many horny teen boys that hadn’t seen a pair of titties in real life yet. Screenwriter Michael Bacall has been given the go ahead to remake this sci-fi comedy.

For those of you that are too young, or have zero taste for quality cinema, this flick is about two teenage nerds (before nerds were cool) that knew they’d be waiting eons before they saw a chick naked. They decided to take matters into their own hands and create the sexiest woman that their nerdilicious brains could handle from their computer. Seems far fetched and cheesy, and maybe it was, but if you were lucky enough to watch as a teen or preteen in ’85 it fueled the fire in your nether region and it most likely remains a fan favorite to this day! Kelly LeBrock played the computer generated babe, and I have to say she was absolute perfection so it’s going to be a feat to replace her, perhaps Jessica Biel!?

For the unfortunate few that have yet to see the original, and for the loyal fans of this 80’s legend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8dldLG_ZhI