Spontaneous Sex Isn’t The Hottest Sex, Study Says

Good things come to those who wait, according to a new study. New research from York University published in the Journal of Sex Research found that planning ahead can be just as sexy and satisfying as spontaneous sex—despite popular beliefs otherwise. “But, despite these beliefs, across our two studies, we did not find strong support that people actually experience spontaneous sex as more satisfying than planned sex,” the study’s authors said.

“When we suggest that couples or other romantic configurations carve out that time, we’re not necessarily saying you put it into a calendar—like 7 p.m. on a Tuesday, after putting dinner in the oven and before folding the socks,” explained a registered psychotherapist specializing in romantic relationships. The study’s authors concluded that the key to planning sex ahead of time is “intention, versus expectation” and to plan to regularly spend quality time together with no distractions to keep hold of the spark and alleviate any pressure. “But the intentionality behind it can be transformative in the sense that we don’t wait around for the right moment, because sometimes the mood just never strikes, really, for some people, and that might deter them.”

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Spontaneous Sex Isn’t The Hottest Sex, Study Says

Good things come to those who wait, according to a new study. New research from York University published in the Journal of Sex Research found that planning ahead can be just as sexy and satisfying as spontaneous sex—despite popular beliefs otherwise. “But, despite these beliefs, across our two studies, we did not find strong support that people actually experience spontaneous sex as more satisfying than planned sex,” the study’s authors said.

“When we suggest that couples or other romantic configurations carve out that time, we’re not necessarily saying you put it into a calendar—like 7 p.m. on a Tuesday, after putting dinner in the oven and before folding the socks,” explained a registered psychotherapist specializing in romantic relationships. The study’s authors concluded that the key to planning sex ahead of time is “intention, versus expectation” and to plan to regularly spend quality time together with no distractions to keep hold of the spark and alleviate any pressure. “But the intentionality behind it can be transformative in the sense that we don’t wait around for the right moment, because sometimes the mood just never strikes, really, for some people, and that might deter them.”

Want a satisfying sexual experience? The right moment is always now on NiteFlirt!

How to Initiate Sex With Your Partner

Screen Shot 2015-07-08 at 3.23.26 PMLet’s face it, after being in a relationship for a while, sometimes couples can get lazy about initiating sex. Everyone can probably relate to initiating through a not-so-subtle grope or a casual “It’s been a while. Want to fuck?” But we’re here to help you ask for sex in a way that is more personal and more exciting. Here are some tips for extending a sexy invitation to the bedroom.

  1. Think about what’s worked before
    Every couple has their own idiosyncrasies. Try to remember how the good sex you’ve had in the past was initiated to find inspiration. Were you laughing and flirting? Was it slow and sensual? Knowing what types of situations gets you both in the mood will help you figure out how and when to ask.
  2. Help your partner relax
    Some people need more time to unwind and get into a relaxed head space before they want to go at it. Help your partner get in the mood by asking what you can do to take care of them tonight or to take something off their plate. This will help free up their mind for sexier thoughts.
  3. Get some of that intensity back
    When you first start dating someone, the sex is passionate and super hot. But after a while, some of that intensity can fade. Try to get back some of those spontaneous, super sexy times by recreating them. Or you can turn up the heat by saying things that are very sexually direct: “I need to have you right now.”
  4. Be playful
    Sometimes playfully initiating sex is a great way to relax and have fun. Send each other silly sexts, or make sexual bets while watching sports (If the Dodgers win, I’ll give you a blowjob later). Keep it light but flirtatious.

Feel like having some sexy, spontaneous good times yourself? We know a thing or two about the art of seduction!

Check out more tips about how to initiate sex here.