Donald Trump Wanted to Debate His Dick Size

small handsIn what has to be one of the most bizarre moments in election history, Donald Trump felt the need to bring up his dick as an important talking point during the most recent GOP presidential debate. Trump wants the American people to rest assured that he does not have a small penis. Because, obviously, one of the most important requirements for being the leader of the free world is cock size.

He was responding to comments Marco Rubio made about Trump’s hands, when Rubio basically implied—much in the way that middler schoolers do—that his small hands mean he also has a small penis. Trump responded by saying, “Look at those hands. Are they small hands? [Rubio] referred to my hands, ‘if they’re small, something else must be small.’ I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.” Rubio brought up Trump’s hands as a response to being called “Little Rubio” by the businessman, saying, “And you know what they say about men with small hands? You can’t trust them.” There’s only one logical way for this public pissing match to end: with both candidates whipping out Little Trump and Little Rubio and letting the people decide! Now that’s the American way!

Want to “bring up the cock” in non-political ways? We can guarantee there’s no problem with that!

Check out more about Donald Trump debating his dick size here: https://www.cnn.com/2016/03/03/politics/donald-trump-small-hands-marco-rubio/

The Smallest Dick in Brooklyn Pageant Will Have You Rooting For the Underdick

Melissa Bunni Elian/The Daily Beast
Melissa Bunni Elian/The Daily Beast

The Smallest Dick in Brooklyn Pageant is an event that proves bigger isn’t necessarily always better. In a society that celebrates huge dicks as a benchmark of masculinity, the pageant hopes to show that beauty can come in all shapes and sizes—even bite size! And to ensure that the little guys will not be outdone by Average Joe, all of the contestants’ cocks are measured before they are allowed to enter the competition.

The contestants compete in an evening wear segment, swimsuit competition (aka a wet t-shirt contest called “Cocksplash”), and a talent portion to show off their charm and (small) packages for a crowd of rowdy, non-judgmental folks. The point of the event is to create a safe space where “if guys have something that people might traditionally make fun of or see it as a disadvantage, we want to show that they’re proud…” says a sponsor of the event. The winner receives $500, a crown, sash, and the honorary title of the guy with smallest dick but the biggest balls in town!

Want to have some rowdy fun with us? We love celebrating all shapes and sizes here!

Check out more about The Smallest Dick in Brooklyn Pageant.