10 Sexual Christmas Decorations

sexyxmaswomanIt’s that time of year when everyone is spreading holiday cheer—and we aren’t talking about songs and presents. What is it about Christmas that brings out people’s naughty side? From humping reindeers, to explicit Mr. and Mrs. Claus ornaments, we’ve got 10 Christmas decorations that prove there’s nothing innocent about stocking stuffers (check out the images below).

  1. XXX Mr. and Mrs. Claus Ornaments
    Santa is hanging from the tree in his birthday suit with his hat covering his dick, while Mrs. Claus is naked and holding her big tits! You made the naughty list this year, Santa!
  2. ‘Jingle My Bells’ Ugly Sweater
    Two jingle bells right over the tits. This ugly sweater is sure to spread holiday cheer!
  3. The Festive X-mas Sock—For Your Cock
    The Tuggie is “the fuzzy sock that warms your cock!”
  4. The Blow Job Snow Globe
    That snow man sure looks happy getting his “snow job!”
  5. Santa’s Sack Ornament
    Instead of the usual red sack—Santa’s actual hairy sack!
  6. Feisty Reindeer and Polar Beer Lawn Ornament
    “What says Merry Christmas better than a polar beer rimming a humping reindeer?”
  7. Cock Shaped Christmas Lights
    “They’re just bursting with holiday spirit!”
  8. Elf on a Shelf With a Magical Surprise
    Cock in a box! Surprise!
  9. XXX Reindeer X-mas Mug
    What better way to enjoy hot chocolate than in your favorite humping reindeer holiday mug?
  10. Elf with a Cannon Lawn Ornament
    Oh yes, a totally innocent elf shooting a cock-shaped cannon.

Want to get a little naughty this holiday season? We love stocking stuffers and snow jobs here!

Check out more naughty X-mas decorations here: https://distractify.com/humor/2015/12/05/margot-decorations-you-actually-want

4 Weird Things That Will Make You Horny

set1147014All types of strange things make people horny (ahem, there’s a fetish for pretty much everything). But you’d be surprised at some of the weird phenomenons that turn people on. Here are some of the craziest stuff that gets people all hot and heavy.

  1. Brain Trauma: Yes, there are accounts of people who’ve become total horn-dogs after suffering a brain trauma. We wrote about a lady recently who went from normal college student to kinky dominatrix after a severe car accident. It’s because brain trauma affects your frontal lobe, which can have the crazy side effect of hyper-sexuality!
  2. Grief:
    If you’ve ever grieved, you may already know this, and science backs it up. Grief and sexual arousal are side-by-side in your brain, so anything that triggers fear, panic, or grief can inadvertently trigger your libido.
  3. Rabies:
    Rabies: definitely not sexy. But with all that foaming at the mouth and flipping out comes an unlikely side effect: crazy horniess. Because rabies makes your brain get inflamed, it can also cause some seriously dangerous need for action. At least you get some before you die?
  4. Breastfeeding:
    Yes, it is creepy to think that breastfeeding can make you horny, but biology is all about playing unseemly jokes on us. Breastfeeding releases a bunch of hormones, including oxytocin, the chemical that’s released during orgasms, which unfortunately can make you feel a bit tingly down there.

Feel like having some weird, sexy experiences yourself? We love crazy stuff that gets you all hot and bothered!

And, while you’re at it, check out more weird things that will make you horny!

How to Initiate Sex With Your Partner

Screen Shot 2015-07-08 at 3.23.26 PMLet’s face it, after being in a relationship for a while, sometimes couples can get lazy about initiating sex. Everyone can probably relate to initiating through a not-so-subtle grope or a casual “It’s been a while. Want to fuck?” But we’re here to help you ask for sex in a way that is more personal and more exciting. Here are some tips for extending a sexy invitation to the bedroom.

  1. Think about what’s worked before
    Every couple has their own idiosyncrasies. Try to remember how the good sex you’ve had in the past was initiated to find inspiration. Were you laughing and flirting? Was it slow and sensual? Knowing what types of situations gets you both in the mood will help you figure out how and when to ask.
  2. Help your partner relax
    Some people need more time to unwind and get into a relaxed head space before they want to go at it. Help your partner get in the mood by asking what you can do to take care of them tonight or to take something off their plate. This will help free up their mind for sexier thoughts.
  3. Get some of that intensity back
    When you first start dating someone, the sex is passionate and super hot. But after a while, some of that intensity can fade. Try to get back some of those spontaneous, super sexy times by recreating them. Or you can turn up the heat by saying things that are very sexually direct: “I need to have you right now.”
  4. Be playful
    Sometimes playfully initiating sex is a great way to relax and have fun. Send each other silly sexts, or make sexual bets while watching sports (If the Dodgers win, I’ll give you a blowjob later). Keep it light but flirtatious.

Feel like having some sexy, spontaneous good times yourself? We know a thing or two about the art of seduction!

Check out more tips about how to initiate sex here.

Erotic Hypnosis and Mind Control!

By Miss Kay Femdom Hypnosis

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If you fall under my captivating spell you will never leave.  I’m Miss Kay, a powerful Financial Domme and practitioner of Erotic Hypnosis and Mind Control.
Men have paid for many of my fine luxuries in life including a beautiful new house in California, a professional home recording studio to produce my Erotic
Hypnosis mp3 files and late last year, I took an exotic trip to Hawaii with my girlfriends…

Those are just a few of the spendier luxuries that I’ve been afforded here
on Niteflirt by my money slaves.  Next up on my list?  A brand new Camaro, which I totally covet and which money slaves again will provide.  I have a specific
Tribute button for Camaro Contributions, so make sure you click it!

I demand that money slaves worship me in various ways including in live Financial Domination phone sex calls, via Niteflirt Tributes and by buying my Pay to Views
including games and assignments and, of course, my Femdom Erotic Hypnosis mp3 recordings.  I also produce custom Femdom Erotic Hypnosis recordings
for sale through Niteflirt only.  If you have a specific fantasy or fetish, please be in touch via Niteflirt mail to discuss the details and I will quote a produced price to you.
I have multi-track recording capabilities so that my erotic hypno audio files can be embedded with music tracks or whisper tracks.  FYI: I’m one of the only erotic hypnotists
on Niteflirt who will produce custom erotic hypno audio files, so if you have a desire for your own hypnosis mp3 instead of buying something pre-produced, you should definitely
be in touch with me.  I have many fans of my live Erotic Hypnosis and my hypno recordings.  Once you buy one of my recordings, it is yours, you own it, meaning it isn’t one of the recordings here on Niteflirt that you call and pay per minute to listen to.

I look forward to meeting many new submissives or hypnosis aficionados who may not already be aware of me.  You can also follow my exploits on my Twitter.

Intelligent Guidance

By Masturbate With Mary Ellen

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Do you enjoy longer calls? Do you seek an intelligent, understanding woman to talk to as you masturbate? I know some men just seek an understanding woman to talk to, as well as one to masturbate with. I love to listen to your problems and concerns, and once you’ve let all that out, I can drain your balls like no one else!

My voice has a powerful effect on men, go ahead and listen to the voice greeting on my page. It soothes and comforts, and leaves you totally sexually satisfied. I can give you sound and sage advice and listen to you for as long as you need and want me to. I am happy to be your phone sex confidante. I think you need to call Mary Ellen right now.

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“Our Beds Are Crowded”

By Wicked Barbie

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As the noted psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud famously said, “Our beds are crowded,” and indeed they are. What Freud meant is that quite simply, our current sexual interactions are the sum total of past relationships, fantasies, and to some extent, current fetishes or sexual conflicts. I have never been more acutely aware of this than during my time as a Niteflirt Phone Sex Mistress. When a new submissive calls me, and a connection is made, that is I take him on as my submissive, and he chooses me as his dominatrix, I am not only dealing with the submissive and his or her fetishes; rather, I am dealing with the psychosexual layers of his past mistresses. It is akin to a sexual archeological dig, and one must be careful when dealing with cherished relics of the past.

It has been my experience that a past Mistress may have been a positive experience for the submissive who has now made his way to me, or perhaps she has left some emotional debris that must be dealt with in order to move on in the sub’s sexual odyssey. Whatever the case may be, regardless of her impact, she is to some extent a component of the relationship I am now establishing with the submissive, and when dealing with a submissive who has been engaged in a fetish lifestyle for a number of years, we are dealing with a bed that is overflowing with people!

It is interesting how we are in some sense all interconnected, though in actuality, our paths may never cross. As I am a fairly new dominatrix, I would submit that I not only learn about this lifestyle via the submissive callers I have had the pleasure of knowing, but also from what their Mistresses have taught them. I in turn, use what I have learned in conjunction with my own methodology, and the process of sharing information carries on in a continuum of sorts.

In any case, I would submit that Freud was correct; “Our beds are Crowded,” but do give me a call.  There’s always room for one more.

-Ze Wicked Barbie

NEWS: 3 Generations of Sex, Intimacy, & Relationships (Part III)

Our Dirty Thirty Lady Brings Up The Caboose.

Today we reveal what our 30-year-old women had to say when it comes to sex, relationships, and intimacy. After reading all 3 surveys, it’s obvious to see that as women age things become less complicated, in modern terms, we acquire a YOLO attitude. Whether it’s about what we expect from men (in and out the bedroom), how we feel about ourselves, or what we’re open to, we let go a bit. All ladies answered honestly, and the common denominator is that at the end of the day all of these women want a committed partner, and it doesn’t have to be in the traditional fairytale fashion.

Age:
31.

 

Current level of sexual libido: 1-5, 5 being can’t live without sex:
3.

Astrological Sign:
VIRGO.

Does astrology play any effect on who you date, or have sex with?
I think its always fun to know your partners sign and read their horoscopes, compatibility but it doesn’t effect my final decision if it’s someone who I think I’m compatible with.

Have you ever been in love, if so how old were you when you were first in love?
Hmm, I thought I was in love at 17 yrs old.

What was the astrological sign of the man you were in love with?
Aquarius.

What did/do love about sex with him?
His large penis, LOL!

What characteristics of a man are you looking for, be detailed and be honest.  Also, what characteristics are you looking for in the sheets, and how has that changed since your first sexual experiences if at all?
A man who is motivated and loyal. I think it’s important to have the same values and motivations in life. I feel that your significant other’s relationship with their family is important and what they have to say about their ex says a lot about them. I’m looking for someone who is striving to better himself on a personal and professional level – not becoming stagnant. I’m looking for someone that can hang with my friends and feel comfortable around my family.  I’m looking for a guy who is physically fit and who enjoys sports. A man’s man!

What is the biggest turn off in bed?
When guys make noises – grunting, etc. When a guy is shy.

Do you enjoy dirty talk, do you contribute to the dirty talk?
It depends on how many drinks I’ve had.

Is there a position that you just dread? Is there a position that you love but are too bashful to ask for?
I feel like I’m fairly open.

Would you change anything about yourself in the bedroom?
Feeling more comfortable with my body.

Are you open to sex with no attachments, have you ever had that type of relationship and was it a harmonious? (Be honest ladies)
Sometimes this type of sex is the best kind (I think this depends on where you are in your life and what you are looking for and what you have time for) and yes, I have had this type of relationship, and it worked.

Have you ever been cheated on, and if so, what can your next partner do to ease your fears about cheating?
Almost every guy I have dated has cheated on me.   I would like to think that there are guys that can keep their dicks in their pants but sometimes I question if men aren’t meant to monogamous. I think to ease my fears they just need to prove through actions cheating is not on their agenda. Actions always speak louder than words.

Do you feel that men have changed when it comes to intimacy, loyalty, and relationships since your first sexual experiences/relationships? If so, why do you think this is the case?
Yes. I feel like my first sexual experiences and relationships were elementary and immature.

Do you feel that you’ve changed when it comes to intimacy, loyalty, and relationships since your first sexual experiences/relationships? If so, why do you think this is the case?
You have to be cautious and keep your guard up until you feel you can really trust someone. When you really trust someone and the loyalty is there, the sex has more meaning and can be better than a “one night stand.”

When you’ve been in a relationship what have you done to revive the sex life when you’ve hit a rut?
Spontaneous blow jobs, guys love blow jobs!

Have you ever tried dating sites, if not are you open to it?
I have and I wasn’t a big fan. I feel like you never know who the real person is on the other end, and that people can make themselves be whatever they want.

In a perfect world what is your fairytale ending, marriage? marriage with kids, unmarried with no kids, unmarried with kids, open relationships, a few more long- term relationships with different men with or without kids?
Ideally, I would like to be married someday, maybe with a baby running around. Realistically, I don’t know that will happen. I don’t feel the value of marriage is the same as it used to be. There is too much out there to cause chaos in relationships. The Internet, social medial, even TV. Back in the day a couple actually worked at dating!

Bachelorette Party!

By Kittys Korner Kouch

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Last Thursday my girlfriends and I had a bachelorette party for my friend Jamie. She’s getting married next month and we rented out the local hole in the wall, “Jack & Diane’s”.
Now, we didn’t have a live band, but we did load the jukebox full with dollars!

My bestie Carrie had hired 4 strippers, two guys and two girls, and one of the guys had the most gorgeous milk chocolate skin with locked hair past his ass!  He laid Jamie on the floor and unzipped her pants with his teeth!

The blonde girl stripped Jamie of her bra without even taking her shirt off! So fun! At 11:00 p.m. they opened the bar to the public, because we only rented it till then, and other people started to come in.

There was this one guy wearing a black Harley shirt and tight jeans. He had long dark hair and the bluest eyes ever!  Needless to say I asked him to dance!  Since I am only 5’2″ I barely came up to his shoulders and I was even wearing my knee high boots with the thick 4 inch rubber heels! I swear, his jeans were so tight I could tell what his religion was! OMG! While we were dancing I could feel his hard cock pressed against my stomach!

Now, I am not going to ruin the rest of the night for you! If you want to know what happened after we closed the bar down, you will have to call me!  I look forward to sharing the rest of the events with you!

Welcome, “SexySongBird”

By SexySongBird

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Hi guys!  I’m Wren!  I’m so excited to be a part of Niteflirt and thus far I’ve been VERY well received here!  Though I initially promoted myself as more of a traditional phone sex seductress, I seem to have attracted quite the following of sissies, inadequately endowed, and closet fags.  Can I TELL you how much I LOVE that?  While I thoroughly enjoy love-making, fucking, and role play, it gives me SUCH a thrill to get into your head and empty all of your dirty secrets!  In just a couple of short weeks, I seem to have heard all I think I could, but something tells me one of you could trump all of that freak with a flavor of your own!  Are you up for a challenge?

Call Priestess Wren (SexySongBird) with your carnal confessions!

Ciao, freaks!

NEWS: 3 Generations of Sex, Intimacy, & Relationships (Part II)

Our survey saga continues and we find out today what a fresh, fierce 40-year-old woman has to say about sex and all that jazz. From what I gathered her answers were a bit more demure when compared to our 50-year-old siren’s answers, however the same self-confidence and grounded comments existed throughout both of their surveys.

I hope you enjoy, and perhaps relate. As a 30-year-old female I’m pretty stoked that women 10-20 years older than me are true pleasure seekers, and are so freely sensual about their wants and needs behind closed doors. Monday we’ll close this piece with the answers from our dirty-thirty chickadee, will she exude the same amount of confidence about intimacy and relationships?

Age:
41.

Current level of sexual libido: 1-5, 5 being you can’t live without sex:
5.

Astrological Sign:
Cancer.

Does astrology play any effect on who you date, or have sex with?
No, but I seem to be attracted to Aries man.

Have you ever been in love, if so how old were you when you were first in love?
30.

What was the astrological sign of the man you were in love with?
Aries.

What did/do love about sex with him?
It was fun and spontaneous and plentiful. He was naughty and cheeky, and loved random PDA’s, especially giving.

What characteristics of a man are you looking for, be detailed and be honest. Also, what characteristics are you looking for in the sheets, and how has that changed since your first sexual experiences if at all?
A man that pushes the boundaries, and takes risks. I like a man to be a man and take control. A little bit of arrogance is a big turn on. Respect and being a gentleman also works.

What is the biggest turn off in bed?
Socks.

Do you enjoy dirty talk, do you contribute to the dirty talk?
A bit of it is fun. I can give as good as I get.

Is there a position that you just dread? Is there a position that you love but are too bashful to ask for?
Not a fan of being on top because of my wobbly bits. No.

Would you change anything about yourself in the bedroom?
No.

Are you open to sex with no attachments, have you ever had that type of relationship and was it a harmonious? (Be honest ladies)
Yes and yes. The relationship served its purpose I got the intimacy I needed as well as some good friends without the strings!

Have you ever been cheated on, and if so, what can your next partner do to ease your fears about cheating?
No. Everyone is different; you cannot walk into a relationship with previous baggage.

Do you feel that men have changed when it comes to intimacy, loyalty, and relationships since your first sexual experiences/relationships? If so, why do you think this is the case?
Age and life makes it all different.

Do you feel that you’ve changed when it comes to intimacy, loyalty, and relationships since your first sexual experiences/relationships? If so, why do you think this is the case?
I have grown as a person, but I know what I want. Practice makes perfect.

When you’ve been in a relationship what have you done to revive the sex life when you’ve hit a rut?
Laugh and stir things up a bit, surprises!

Have you ever tried dating sites, if not are you open to it?
No, not for me.

In a perfect world what is your fairytale ending, marriage? Marriage with kids, unmarried with no kids, unmarried with kids, open relationships, a few more long-term relationships with different men with or without kids?

Marriage, no kids.