There’s an amazing video on Uproxx.com of sexy actress Sasha Grey reading some of the grossest, most ridiculous, and hilarious sexual text messages ever sent. These are real text messages, sent by real dudes to potential sex partners. And you won’t believe the weird, kinky shit that they say! Here are some of the highlights (watch the Creepy Text Theater video below):
1.
Creepy Text Dude: “Have you heard what scientists are saying?”
Unwitting Recipient of Creepy Text: “What?”
CTD: “That there’s only gonna be seven planets after I destroy Uranus.”
2.
CTD: “Do you like tapes and cds?”
UROCT: “Yeah?”
CTD: “Good, I’m going to tape my dick to your forehead so that you can cds nuts.”
3.
CTD: “Daisies or roses?”
UROCT: “Daisies.”
CTD: “Ok. Just wondering what to put in the casket after I murder that pussy.”
4.
CTD: “What’s the difference between jam and jelly?”
UROCT: “Ooh clever. Well I know the difference.”
CTD: “And what it is?”
UROCT: “Jam has whole fruit pieces.”
CTD: “Nope. The real difference is that I can’t jelly my dick in your ass.”
5.
CTD: “Are you a washing machine?”
UROCT: “Yeah.”
CTD: “Good because I wanna fill you with my dirty load.”
We repeat, these are actual text messages sent by actual horny humans out into the world. Hm, wonder if they’ve ever worked…? No need for strange pick-up lines here: we are always ready for the party in your pants!
