Girlfriends Describe Their Boyfriends’ Dicks to Police Sketch Artist in Hilarious Video

Image Source: Flickr.com | Quacktaculous

If you had to describe your boyfriend’s dick to a police sketch artist, how well do you think you’d do? Several girlfriends were put to the test when they tried to describe their partner’s member to a stranger in as much helpful detail as possible while their guys listened on. And as you can probably imagine, the results are pretty hilarious (watch the video below).

First thing’s first: circumcised or uncircumcised (most of the girlfriends knew the answer)? Next, describe the penis shape: “it’s shaped like a penis”; “it’s shaped like a can of beans.” How veiny is the cock? What does it look like hard? (one woman described her man’s as an elephant trunk; another said “a full GMO banana”). They had to give accurate girth, distinguishing characteristics such as moles, and even the color (“it changes color,” laughed one woman). And of course, the lady’s didn’t ignore the balls: they had to describe the color, shape (“you know that net that catches basketballs?”), whether they’re very wrinkly, and even the amount of sag. In the end, the lady’s were very satisfied with the police sketch artist’s likenesses—while some of the men were a bit more critical: “It’s definitely bigger than that!”

Looking to give your “mushroom with a little smile” some attention? We love full GMO bananas here!

Here is the hilarious video of girlfriends describing their boyfriends’ cocks to a police sketch artist.

Men Confess How They Really Feel About Their Dicks

I love the size of my penis

Dicks are great, but let’s be real: the way men feel about theirs varies as much as the dicks themselves. Some men want a bigger dick, some (young) men wish they could have more control over their boners, and yes, some men even wish theirs was smaller. Whatever you’re packing down there, these confessions from real men will prove that dicks are so much more than just a body part.

  1. The reason I’m still a virgin is because I’m scared my penis is too small.”
    This makes us so sad. What this poor virgin should know is that his fear is totally in his head—cause whatever he’s got in his pants is probably just fine!
  2. Yep. My penis is small. Your point being?”
    That’s more like it! Penis size—like age—is just a state of mind!
  3. Having a big penis really isn’t that good. Wearing jeans hurts like hell to wear!”
    Ouch! Bigger isn’t always better!
  4. Because I’m insecure I tell girls I have a really small dick so when we have sex they see my average dick and tell me it’s big. Pretty childish but it helps.”
    You know what’s a huge turn on before you have sex?: feeling comfortable in your own skin.
  5. People keep asking what’s up this morning…my penis. My penis is up.”
    Morning wood is nature’s alarm clock! Better get to work (and we don’t mean your 9 to 5!).
  6. I’ve shown more people my penis on Whisper than times I’ve left my house this week.”
    Hopefully it’s been a slow week….
  7. My penis is AVERAGE! I thought I was WAY below average…NOPE! I am 5.3 inches. Which so happens to be EXACTLY AVERAGE!
    This confession proves that you probably think your dick is smaller than it actually is.
  8. When I get bored I act like I’m driving a car and my cock is the shifter.”
    Talk about pleasure riding!
  9. Confession: I would suck my own cock if I could.”
    Confession: yes, you would, and you’ve probably already tried it…many, many times!

In the mood for a little pleasure ride yourself? When it comes to your shifter, we love all shapes and sizes!

Here’s more men confessing how they really feel about their dicks.

The History Behind Cosmo’s Infamous Donut Blowjob

Pink_frosted_sprinkled_donutCosmopolitan is famous for its weird, creative, and totally unrealistic sex tips. The magazine has prompted its readers to incorporate such items as a string of pearls, an electric toothbrush, a scrunchie, refrigerated marbles, tomato sauce, and a mango slice into their bedrooms. But their outrageous cover that featured a glazed donut to be used during a blowjob literally took the cake. In tip No. 30, an anonymous boyfriend said, “My girlfriend gets a glazed donut and sticks my penis through the hole. She nibbles around it, stopping to suck me every once in a while. The sugar beads from her mouth tingle on my tip.”

The tip has since come to be known as the most infamous Cosmo sex tip ever written, with authors such as Tom Wolfe, Maureen Dowd, and performance artist Anna Pulley all mocking or satirizing the ridiculous line in their work. But even more outrageous than the tip itself was the way the magazine embraced the donut blowjob’s cult status, reprinting the sex tip several times (including in three books) and even adding a new piece about a study suggesting that the smell of donuts “increases penile blood flow” in men. For all of the magazine’s ludicrous sex tips, you have to hand it to Cosmo for whole-heartedly embracing a spirit of endless sexual experimentation—naysayers and prudes be damned!

In the mood for a little dessert? We are always up for something sweet—and sinful!

Check out the history of Cosmo’s donut blowjob.

The Secret Life of One Man’s Cock

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_lab_penisHave you ever wondered if your dick has a secret life all its own? And, if so, what types of crazy shenanigans it gets into when you’re not paying attention? Well, one photographer from San Francisco wondered this very thing, and started a strange and wonderful Tumblr called “Things My Dick Does” to investigate (check out the images below). “I’ve always wondered what my dick does in the times he is up before I am,” the photographer writes in his Tumblr’s intro. “He must get so bored waiting for me to wake up. Happens EVERY day. Poor little guy.”

The man—who’s chosen to remain anonymous—told the Huffington Post that the pictures began as humorous sexts and progressed to a series that explored such things as what his “Little Dude” did for Halloween, or while baking a cake, and even making friends with a stuffed hedgehog! In the Halloween picture, his cock is dressed up as a mummy: “So we have been trying on some costumes and he wanted to start off with a classic! “Mummy! Can I go out and…” he jokes. Later, his cock makes a new friend with an adorable hedgehog: “He was a little skeptical at first. But then he warmed up to the idea of having a cuddle buddy. These two are so cute together! Dawwww.”

Is your little guy looking to make a new friend? We have the perfect companions for him right here!

And now: the photos of “Things My Dick Does.”

Sex Toy Company ‘Clone-A-Willy’ Wants to Clone Justin Bieber’s Willy

Justin Bieber’s been getting some good press lately: he’s got a new album that people seem to like, favorable media attention for his recent softer persona and, also, some buzz about his allegedly very nice cock! Yes, according to some reliable sources (who refer to his member as “OMG”), he is quite well-endowed. And now all that good press has attracted the attention of sex toy company Clone-A-Willy, who is eager to get Bieber’s cock in one of their notorious molds.

bieber

The company that makes fully functional replicas of people’s sex organs is offering Bieber one million dollars to advertise the product. Clone-A-Willy thinks the business arrangement would be mutually beneficial: Bieber could promote his music, and the company could promote its sexy wares. Clone-A-Willy said in a letter to the star, “Justin Bieber, he’s popular, talented and now as the entire world knows … quite well-endowed. It would surely do wonders to help promote his new album and certainly wouldn’t hurt his ‘dating’ life.” The company is assuring Bieber that they would not put the Bieber sex toy on the market (though they would have a mold of his dick…), but considering how upset he got when naked pictures of him were published, it’s doubtful that he’ll be cloning his willy anytime soon.

Want to enhance your “dating life”? We’ve got all the right stuff to make you say OMG right here!

Check out more about Clone-A-Willy’s offer to Justin Bieber.

Emojis That Mean Dirty Words

sexyemojisEver get a text with an emoji that seems to mean more than the image itself? A dude sends you an emoji of an eggplant (cock) and a chocolate chip cookie (pussy), for instance. Or simply an emoji of a full mailbox (fucking). Well, this handy guide will help you know for sure what those sexually-charged emojis really mean. Here are a few favorites (check out the complete guide from Buzzfeed below).

Cock Emojis

  1. Ear of corn
  2. Peeled banana
  3. Rocket ship
  4. Red lipstick

Balls Emojis

  1. Cluster of grapes
  2. Two mugs of beer
  3. Pig’s snout

Ass Emojis

  1. Peach
  2. Sprinkly donut

Tits Emojis

  1. Two cherries
  2. Camel humps

Pussy Emojis

  1. Strawberry
  2. Slice of cake
  3. Hard candy
  4. Coin purse

Fucking Emojis

  1. Rollercoaster
  2. Blowfish (?)
  3. A bowl of ramen noodles
  4. Slice of pizza

Cumming Emojis

  1. “The Scream”
  2. Fountain overflowing
  3. A whale blowing water out of its spout

In the mood for a little fireworks, shooting star, happy face, tango emoji? We are always down for some trumpet-blowing, factory-smoke fun!

As promised: Buzzfeed‘s full guide.

8 Facts Every Dude Should Know About His Dick

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_strawberrySure, you know your dick intimately, but do you know why hot tubs are bad for your balls? Or that not getting enough sleep can make you lose your boner? As Buzzfeed says, these facts are sort of like “the owner’s manual you never knew you needed.” Here are 8 facts every dude needs to know about his cock.

  1. The penis is a good indicator of your overall health
    One doctor says, “It’s like the dipstick of the body’s health.” That’s why if there’s something wrong with the genitals, you should go see your doctor to make sure it’s not a symptom of something else. And similarly, if there’s something wrong with your health, your dick could be affected too.
  2. Premature ejaculation is a lot more common than you think
    Premature ejaculation is when you cum about one to two minutes after penetration and then feel distressed and anxious about it. Statistics show that it affects about 10%-30% of men at some point in their lives. But those who suffer from it every time should talk to their doctor—it can be overcome.
  3. Your testicle size is important
    Your testicles should be about the same size and each be about the size of a walnut. If they’re too big or too small, there could be a problem with your sperm, in which case go see your doctor.
  4. Hot tubs are really bad for your balls
    “It’s like dunking your testicles like teabags in hot water,” says a doctor. That’s because getting your balls too hot halts your sperm.
  5. Cumming a lot is very good for you
    Ejaculating often is good for you because it lowers your risk of prostate cancer. Not to mention all the health benefits, like lower stress and increased happiness.
  6. Sleep deprivation can mess with your boner
    Not getting enough sleep can make you lose your morning wood and decrease your sex drive.
  7. Wash your dick after sex
    Since bacteria can grow faster when cum dries out on the skin, washing after sex will help you avoid infection.
  8. Don’t get your dick pierced
    In case you were considering it, consider this: possible complications include “significant bleeding, chronic irritation, or even damage to the urethra—which could leave you peeing out of the new hole.”

Want us to get to know you intimately? Your doctor will definitely approve!

Here are more facts every dude should know about his dick.

Some Boys in the Dominican Republic Don’t Grow Dicks Until Puberty

genitaliafruitA new BBC series called Countdown to Life: The Extraordinary Making of You explores a strange phenomenon in the Dominican Republic where boys who were thought to be girls suddenly grow penises at puberty. These seemingly sex-swapping group of people are called “guevedoces,” or “penis at twelve.” Because they do not have obvious male genitalia at birth, they are raised as girls until around the age of twelve when it becomes abundantly clear that they are in fact boys.

The condition is the result of an enzyme deficiency, so even though guevedoces have Y chromosomes and testosterone, they aren’t able to make the chemical that causes the penis and scrotum to emerge. Their genitalia stay tucked inside the abdomen, which is why the boys appear to look female despite having internal reproductive systems that are male. It isn’t until puberty when the testes inside their abdomens start producing large amounts of testosterone that they grow penises and take on male characteristics, like facial hair, a deeper voice, and a male physique. While the change is abrupt and startling for both the boys and their families, most often they quickly adjust to their new bodies. Sexual development is amazing!

Come celebrate the miracles of the human body with us!

Gizmodo has more about guevedoces.

Models Strut the Runway With Cartoon Cocks

379713604_55bdd97d3d_zAttendees of New York City Fashion Week got quite a surprise at Namilia’s cheeky runway show filled with cocks and pussies! The show was titled “My Pussy, My Choice,” and drew its inspiration from contemporary female pop stars who seek empowerment through expressing their sexuality and celebrating their bodies. “Each outfit is named for one of Namilia’s inspirations (e.g. ‘daddy’s girl Lana,’ ‘sweet Ariana,’ ‘crazy Miley,’ ‘Nicki anaconda’),” according to Slate.

Their playful collection includes banana and peach emojis, giant inflatable snakes, and sparkly cartoonish penises in sexy, transparent latex. “It’s like playing the penis game,” Namilia said of their cheeky use of the phallus. “The more often and louder you say it, the more harmless it becomes.” Shockingly, the garments are ready-to-wear, so a woman can conveniently slip on some hyper-sexualized female empowerment to go with any of her tennis shoes! We mean, who doesn’t love an adorable cock purse with matching cock bra?!

Feel like having some sexy and empowering experiences yourself? We are all about finding expression through celebrating sexuality here!

Check out images of “My Pussy, My Choice” here.

Man Gets Eight-Inch Bionic Dick

A man who lost the use of his genitals as a child got compensated in full recently with a fully functioning eight-inch bionic dick! This bionic dick is the first of its kind, even though a different man had the first successful penis transplant last year. The bionic dick was created by skin grafts from his arm, which will now allow him to get hard, cum, and actually reproduce.

penisgraft

After an 11-hour surgery, the man finally can achieve erections by using a button attached to his scrotum. “When you want a bit of action you press the ‘on’ button,” the man said. “When you are finished you press another button. It takes seconds. Doctors have told me to keep practicing.” The device works through an implant that uses fluids from his belly to inflate two tubes which allow him to use his dick whenever he likes. Science is amazing!

Feel like having some amazing experiences yourself? We are always down for “a bit of action” here!

IFL Science has more about the man with an eight-inch bionic dick.