Tag: masturbation

11 Funny Tweets About Female Masturbation

Image Source: Flickr.com | WillVisionThe comedians of Twitter did not “beat around the bush” with these hilarious tweets about female masturbation. Let’s just say you’ll be laughing until your batteries run out! Here are 11 funny tweets about rubbing one out.

  1. “is ‘beatboxing’ a good euphemism for female masturbation? asking for a friend. she’s a world class beatboxer.” Perfect euphemism…for your friend.
  2. “Did Catholic school ruin my chances at a healthy relationship with my vibrator.” We’ll pray for you.
  3. “Why is it called masturbation and not beating around your bush?” The important questions in life.
  4. “M: *drunk* This vibrator isn’t working.
    H: *from another room* HAS ANYONE SEEN THE REMOTE?”     Whoops!
  5. “I’ll take the batteries out of the TV remote to use in my vibrator. IDGAF.” Get ‘er done!
  6. “Anything’s a dildo if you’re  brave enough.” What you call brave, we call resourceful!
  7. “I bought batteries for my toothbrush but put them in my vibrator instead because priorities.” #lifegoals
  8. “Shower sex.
    Only it’s me and my vibrator getting it on.”     Nothing wrong with a little me-time!
  9. “‘Let’s call them robots in disguise!’
    ‘We’ve already decided they’re personal massagers.’
    -Carl gets outvoted at the vibrator ad meeting.”     Robot personal massagers?
  10. “Remember when a selfie stick was just called a dildo?” The good ol’ days.
  11. “Ugh – NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theater again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered ‘inappropriate'” But not uncommon for a Ryan Gosling movie, let’s be honest.

In the mood for some quality entertainment? Come check out our beatboxing skills on NiteFlirt!

Here’s more funny tweets about female masturbation: https://www.buzzfeed.com/crystalro/hilarious-tweets-about-masturbating-by-women-for-women

How Food’s Been Used In Sex Throughout History

eggplant3-0Sure, you’ve heard of using certain veggies as a dildo, but how about a bread dildo? Or what about homemade lube? History is full of NSFW food facts you definitely never learned about in history. Here’s just a taste!

  1. Mashed yams doubled as lube in 17th-century Japan
    “It was called tororo, and was made by grating yams into a slippery paste. The long, thin yams were sometimes used as dildos too,” says BuzzFeed.
  2. Romans used olive oil as lube
    Romans sure were kinky. According to a novel called The Satyricon by Gaius Petronius, one guy had a leather dildo oiled with olive oil and “covered in pepper and crushed nettle seeds” pushed up his “arsehole, inch by inch.”
  3. Pig’s tongues were an aphrodisiac
    Nothing subtle about using tongue to get you in the mood!
  4. Lettuce was a sacred sex symbol in Ancient Egypt
    Ancient Egyptians believed that lettuce was the holy food of the fertility god. It grew straight and tall like a cock, and even oozed a white substance when broken apart. Again, nothing subtle about lettuce cum.
  5. Ancient Greeks were turned on by sparrow brains
    “The Greek goddess of love and sexuality, Aphrodite, was supposed to hold sparrows sacred because of their ‘lustful’ nature, so Ancient Greek women would eat sparrows – their brains in particular – to get themselves in the mood.”
  6. And ancient Greek women used bread as dildos
    Since there were no sex toy shops, women had to get creative. The Greeks did this by baking olisbokollix: dildos made entirely out of hard-baked bread.

Looking to get creative? We’re always up for some kinky fun here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more NSFW food facts from history: https://www.buzzfeed.com/hilarywardle/never-mind-the-olisbokollix

How To Enjoy Homemade Sex Toys

http---distractify-media-prod.cdn.bingo-2001097-980xIf you’re looking for something new to spice up your sex life, some of the most exciting toys can be found—and made—right at home. From electric toothbrushes to fresh produce, there’s plenty of things you can use at home for a new plaything. Here’s a handy guide to homemade sex toys.

  1. Electric toothbrushes and face brushes
    When you want to get your buzz on, there’s plenty of household gadgets that double as vibrators. Anything electric can deliver pleasurable sensations to all your sensitive parts!
  2. Cell phones
    Again, try your cell’s vibrating option—it’s perfect for solo or couple’s play.
  3. Produce and condoms
    There’s so many vegetables that make for excellent dildos—girthy eggplants, cucumbers, zucchinis. Just wrap them up in a condom and you’re good to go. Also, banana peels make a good masturbation sleeve. And if you don’t mind a sticky dick, you can cut a hole in a melon and fuck it.
  4. Ice dildo
    Take a condom, add water, and a cardboard tube, and make yourself an ice dildo! The texture and sensation are amazing.

Looking for something new and exciting yourself? Come get creative with us right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about homemade sex toys: https://www.dailydot.com/irl/homemade-sex-toys/

These Are The Strangest Things People Masturbated To

It’s probably true that there’s nothing you can think of that someone hasn’t masturbated to. Whether it’s a sexy cartoon character or an inanimate object, sometimes really weird stuff can turn you on. Here are the strangest things Redditors jerked off to.

  1. A clean apartmentbest_phone_sex_niteflirt_disneyprinces
    “I laid in bed looking at it and got off on how organized and clean my space was.” A clean home is a happy home—especially when you orgasm in it!
  2. A biology book
    “I humped a drawing of a vagina.” Next best thing?
  3. Watching my boyfriend sleep
    “Is that creepy?” Maybe it’s kinky!
  4. Mommy kink
    Not on NiteFlirt you don’t!
  5. Malcolm in the Middle
    “Don’t ask why. I don’t know.” Sitcoms—the new porn?
  6. Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives
    “Watching someone eat a seven-stack burger was honestly one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever watched. Also one of the best orgasms I’ve ever given myself.” Food porn, literally.
  7. Male Disney Characters
     “You know those oddly sexy drawings of male Disney characters? Yeah…those.” Let’s face it, cartoons are sexy!
  8. A tea set
    “I had a weird experience a few years back that whenever I was close I would visualize a tea set.” It does get all wet!

Looking for something unusual yourself? Let’s get weird on NiteFlirt!

Check out more of the strangest things people masturbated to: https://www.refinery29.com/hot-horny-masturbation-sexual-thoughts#slide-10

30 Day Masturbation Challenge

magicwandarthistoryInstead of a 30 day exercise or reading challenge this summer, try a masturbation challenge! There are lots of reasons to masturbate, but the best reason is it feels good. Use these tips to jump start your 30 day masturbation challenge, and start making pleasure a part of your daily life.

  1. Diagonal
    “Imagine your clitoris is a clock, with the 12 pointed up towards your head and the six towards your feet. Take one finger and stroke diagonally across your clitoris,” explains a sexpert.
  2. Up-And-Down
    Use two fingers to stroke your clit up and down, up and down. You can either hold your fingers together for more direct stimulation, or else keep them separate with your fingers on either side of your clit if it feels too sensitive for direct touch.
  3. Back-And-Forth
    Use two fingers to slide across your clit back and forth from left to right. This will feel amazing!
  4. Circular
    Trace circles around your clit for a more teasing sensation, and rub two fingers in a circular motion on your clit for something more intense. You’ll cum in no time!
  5. G-Spot
    While stroking your clit, take your index finger and middle fingers of your other hand and insert them in your pussy. Then twist your arm so that your palm faces up and make a ‘come here’ motion with your fingers. Surprise—there’s your G-spot!

Looking for some daily pleasure? We can always make you feel good here!

Check out more about the 30 day masturbation challenge: https://www.refinery29.com/2016/01/100343/30-day-masturbation-challenge#slide-8

7 Moments Everyone With a Pussy Has Experienced While Masturbating

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_orgasmfaceThere are some experiences in life that are universal—and masturbation is one of them! Sometimes you’re bored, have to be stealthy, or are in the shower…so you might as well have an orgasm! If you have a pussy, we guarantee you will recognize some—or all—of these scenarios (check out the full list below).

  1. When you can be really loud
    Sometimes, you have to be stealthy and put pillows and blankets on top of yourself to mute the sound of your vibrator. But then there’s those rare and sacred times when no one’s around and you can crank up the volume on your porn and really let loose!
  2. When you wind up thinking about someone you’d rather not think about
    As BuzzFeed says, “No matter what fantasy you start out with, every once in a while someone completely random pops up and hijacks your fantasy.” Whoops!
  3. When the battery fails on your vibrator right as you’re about to cum
    This is just about the. Worst. Thing. Ever!
  4. When you have nothing better to do than rack up multiple orgasms
    Sometimes, with a can-do attitude, you find out exactly how many consecutive orgasms you can have in one session!
  5. When you’re in the shower and want to test out your shower head
    Everyone’s heard that the shower head on your clit is the holy grail of orgasms, so why not give it a go while sudsing up!
  6. When you make your clit go numb from using the highest setting on your vibrator
    This is not for the faint of heart, but sometimes, you want to see if you can cum in three seconds flat!
  7. When you need to put yourself to sleep
    Everyone knows cumming before bed is the best way to ensure a good night’s sleep.

Want to have good dreams? Come feel yourself right here!

Check out more experiences everyone with a pussy has had while masturbating: https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/masturbation-is-always-the-answer

Weed Products Designed For Sex, Rated

weedproducts

From dildos that are also pipes to vaginal (or anal!) marijuana suppositories, there’s a lot of weed products out there today promising to do amazing things for your sex life. Thankfully, one Broadly writer decided to see if such marijuana-themed sex products as Schlong Bong and weed lube actually enhance sexual pleasure. Here’s some of the products she either found to be “surprisingly dope” or a real buzz kill (check out her full ratings below).

  1. FORIA Awaken Weed Lube
    The latest innovation in marijuana-infused lube is supposed to “enhance sensation, increase desire, improve lubrication, heighten awareness, deepen orgasms, and relax your body.” According to the reviewer, after applying the lube “liberally to my clitoris, inner and outer labia, and inside my vagina, as instructed, and turned on my favorite device,” she would rate the experience a 10/10. “I felt each sensation and touch was intensified, and I was more relaxed than I have been in a long time. Fuck human partners!”
  2. Foria Relief Vaginal Suppositories
    This product offers “muscle-relaxing and pain-relieving properties of cannabis—without inducing a psychotropic ‘high.’” The reviewer found her muscles super relaxed, which led to a “top-notch” masturbating experience!
  3. The Original Schlong Bong
    This uncannily realistic looking dick-shaped bong wants you to turn “’Foreplay’ Into 420-Play!” The 9-inch cock-bong wasn’t a big hit (no pun intended!) with the reviewer, but if you’re in the mood to “toke and stroke it,” or perhaps to bust out a great conversation piece, this is the weed-related sex toy for you!
  4. Stay Erect Cream
    A 5-ounce tube of this cream, which has hemp seed oil as its main ingredient, is meant to be rubbed on a penis “until erection is achieved.” The product claims to help maintain a “full satisfying erection” and “prolong ejaculation,” but according to Amazon reviewers, this product was not satisfactory or 420 friendly!

Weed content isn’t allowed but you can still have a dope sexual experience on NiteFlirt!

Check out more marijuana-sex products here.

7 Things Your Pussy Wants You To Know About Masturbation

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_vibrator1BuzzFeed wants to know: “Have you appreciated your clitoris lately?” The reason they ask is because masturbation is amazing, and so good for your mind and body! Here are 7 ways to do right by your pussy.

  1. Masturbation should never be treated as a “stand-in for sex”
    Masturbation is its own unique and important sexual outlet—as one sex therapist explains, it should be “regarded as first class” and not “relegated to a second-class citizenship.” She adds that it’s “a lifelong relationship you have with your body and with your own sexuality.”
  2. It ain’t all about the Big O
    The ultimate goal of masturbation shouldn’t be about having an orgasm—in fact, it could be giving you performance anxiety. She advises women to “just focus on pleasuring yourself without worrying about whether or not you get off.”
  3. Use your digits before graduating to toys
    Figuring out how to get yourself off first without a toy sets a good foundation before experimenting with different kinds of orgasms. “Learn your baseline, and then you can go wild,” she says.
  4. Use the clit!
    This is the main reason women have trouble orgasming. Get a vibrator and go get off!
  5. Plenty of people require simultaneous stimulation of various erogenous zones for the best orgasm, too
    If clitoral stimulation isn’t working for you, play around with penetrating yourself, or exploring other erogenous zones!
  6. Besides being super fun and feeling great, there are health benefits to masturbation
    “It relieves stress, it helps you feel more relaxed, and it boosts endorphins and testosterone levels, which can improve your mood,” according to the sexpert.
  7. Masturbating can help you enjoy sex with other people more
    As the sexperts explain, if you don’t know what feels good to you, how will you be able to guide a partner? Your pleasure starts with knowing your body, exploring your body, and embracing your sexual health.

Looking for ways to appreciate your body? Come love yourself—with us!

Check out more female masturbation tips here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/the-clit-is-it?utm_term=.xlxyb7R9G5#.lcd5MYZAzb

This Is How a $1 Vibrator Compares To a $400 Vibrator

Image Source: flickr.com/crimsonninjagirlWhen it comes to vibrators, does spending more really yield bigger orgasms? Vice wanted to find out, so they tested $1 vibrators against vibrators ranging in price from $32 to $428. Here’s how the cheap ones measured up against the fancier ones.

  1. PLAYFUL VIBRATING BULLET, $1Vice’s reviewer put it this way, “It is the cheapest thing I’ve ever put near my vagina.” Nuff said.RATING: -1/5; VALUE FOR MONEY: 0/5
  2. WATWEPROOF RABBIT VIBRATOR, $32The Rabbit is a classic for a reason. And while it’s pretty retro at this point, if a vibrator ain’t broke, don’t fix it. It’s the best $32 you’ll ever spend: “It’s sort of like having three people down there at once,” said Vice.RATING: 5/5; VALUE FOR MONEY: 5/5
  3. LELO SMART VIBRATING BODY WAND LARGE, $194The reviewer said it’s great for “Lifehackers and minimalist YouTubers.” And it’s multi-functional design works like a charm: “use it on a sore back, wank with it, stir stuff with it, cosplay with it, massage anything. It feels like something you’re not sure that you need, but that you should have anyway.”RATING: 4/5; VALUE FOR MONEY: 5/5
  4. LELO TIANI 24K, $399This is billed as a “couple’s vibrator,” and works by putting one “arm” inside you while also buzzing. The reviewer said that most of the charm is knowing that you’re getting off to a premium, luxury toy. But ultimately it didn’t beat The Rabbit.

Looking for some bang for your buck? Come see how NiteFlirt measures up in the bedroom!

Check out Vice’s review of cheap to fancy vibrators: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/wibrator-za-piataka

7 Hilarious Posts About Masturbation from Tumblr

magicwandarthistory“Masturbation is probably the only DIY project you will start and actually finish.” It’s funny cause it’s true! Here are 7 posts about masturbation from the hilarious folks on Tumblr.

  1. “Masturbation is just having sex with the person you love most.”
    Aw, cute. So does that mean you should buy yourself chocolates on Valentine’s Day? Sounds good to us!
  2. “This post is here to remind everybody that ‘gratrunka’ is the Swedish word for ‘crying while masturbating.’ That’s a real tear jerker.”
    See what they did there?
  3. “Is masturbating while smoking weed called masterblazing? No its called highjacking. Guys no it’s weedwhacking. No its called disappointing ur mother.”
    So true!
  4. “Stressed out? Masturbate. Have a headache? Masturbate. Gotta leave? Stay in bed, masturbate. Have so much shit to do? Who cares! Masturbate.”
    This person has truly figured out the important things in life.
  5. “Trinity Church: ‘Masturbation Is Satan’s Typewriter.'”
    I had no idea I was a novelist.
  6. “*not horny but masturbates just in case I was*
    Smart plan!
  7. “A vampire masturbating in front of a mirror. Bet you didn’t see that coming.”
    Good one!

Looking for a little levity yourself? Laughter and masturbation go hand and hand at NiteFlirt!

Check out more hilarious Tumblr posts about masturbation here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jennaguillaume/sex-with-the-person-you-love-most