Tag: literary review

Italian Novelist Wins ‘Bad Sex In Fiction Award’ For Most Cringeworthy Scene Ever 

cosmic_banditaThe winner of the Bad Sex In Fiction Award has been named—and it is especially cringeworthy. Hosted by the Literary Review, the annual Bad Sex in Fiction Award is presented to the writer of an otherwise acclaimed work for “the most egregious passage of sexual description in a work of fiction.” Earlier in the month, the shortlist was announced and the well-known writers included Gayle Forman, Ethan Canin, Robert Seethaler, Tom Connolly, Janet Ellis, and Erri De Luca. Jonathan Safran Foer received an honorable mention for a masturbation scene that compared cumming to a climber determined to summit Mt. Everest.

The winner, esteemed Italian writer and winner of such prestigious awards as 2013 European Prize for Literature, Erri De Luca, beat out his competitors with the dreadful sex writing in his novel, The Day Before Happiness. The writing includes descriptions of the couple’s genitals as ‘ballet dancers hovering en pointe.’ It also includes such gems as ‘My body was her gearstick’ and ‘My prick was a plank stuck to her stomach.’ Wow. That is some truly awful sex writing, signore.

Looking for some good eroticism that won’t make you cringe? Come steer your gearshift our way, tiny dancer!

Check out more about the winner of the 2016 Bad Sex In Fiction Award here: https://www.bustle.com/articles/197909-this-italian-novelist-just-won-the-bad-sex-in-fiction-award-for-writing-the-most-cringeworthy

Morrissey Wins Bad Sex in Fiction Award

sexy-librarianIt’s that time of year again when the British magazine Literary Review nominates all the worst sex scenes “to draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction, and to discourage them.” For the past 23 years, some of the best writers have won the famously humiliating award, including John Updike, Norman Mailer, and Tom Wolfe (who won the Bad Sex in Fiction lifetime achievement award!). And this year, Morrissey can count himself among those prestigious, embarrassed winners.

Morrissey wasn’t the only big name among this year’s nominees: Erica Jong, Richard Bausch, Lauren Groff, George Pelecanos, and Thomas Espedal were all shortlisted (read their excerpts below). But when Morrissey’s book List of the Lost came out a few months ago, it was immediately mocked for its truly awful sexual descriptions, with many critics predicting he’d be a shoo-in for the Bad Sex award. Here’s one scene: “Eliza and Ezra rolled together into one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation …with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.” Literary Review tweeted this at the awards: “In an ideal world this award would be received by Morrissey. Or someone who publishes Morrissey. Or someone who likes Morrissey.” #BadSex

Ouch! In the mood for some howling, frenzied, snowballing fun? We love bulbous salutations!

Check out more excerpts of Bad Sex in Fiction nominees here: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/nov/18/bad-sex-award-2015-the-contenders-in-quotes

NEWS: 2014 Bad Sex in Fiction Awards

The Bad Sex in Fiction Awards, which has been a thing for the past two decades, proves that even good writers can write some truly terrible sex scenes. The notorious award, presented by the Literary Review, says its aim is to “draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction…” And you will seriously not believe how bad the passages are, and, ironically, how great the writers: the nominees this year include a Pulitzer prize winner, this year’s Man Booker Prize winner, and a recurring favorite for the Nobel Prize! Here are some highlights from the prize that every prose writer dreads: best_phone_sex_niteflirt_contracts

  1. Desert God by Wilbur Smith
    “Her body was hairless. Her pudenda were also entirely devoid of hair. The tips of her inner lips protruded shyly from the vertical cleft. The sweet dew of feminine arousal glistened upon them.”
  2. ‘DD-MM-YY’ in Things to Make and Break by May-Lan Tan
    “When I’m about to come, I flip her onto her back and take off her underwear. I roll her nipple on my tongue and rub her clit with my thumb until her lips get slippery. I glide my middle finger in and out, then fold her legs up and push in. God. It’s like sticking your cock into the sun.”
  3. The Hormone Factory by Saskia Goldschmidt
    “I unbuttoned my pants, pushing them down past my hips, and my beast, finally released from its cage, sprang up wildly. I started inching my way back up, continuing to stimulate her manually, until the beast found its way in…she was as hot as boiling water in a distillation flask…”
  4. Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami (!)
    “Their pubic hair was as wet as a rain forest. Their breath mingled with his, becoming one, like currents from far away, secretly overlapping at the dark bottom of the sea….These insistent caresses continued until Tsukuru was inside the vagina of one of the girls. It was Shiro. She straddled him, took hold of his rigid, erect penis, and deftly guided it inside her. His penis found its way with no resistance, as if swallowed up into an airless vacuum.”

And we’ll leave you with this gem from The Lemon Grove by Helen Walsh: “Then he steps into her, furious. And when it hits her, it slams her hard and fast, as life once had.”

Wow. That is some truly awfully written sex. I think we can probably do better than that—want us to talk dirty to you? We promise that you’ll “became aware of places in [you] that could only have been concealed there by a god with a sense of humour.” Whatever that means.

 

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