Tag: intercourse

7 Types of Sex Every Bottom Has Had

If bottoms had a penny for every time they experienced one of these sexual scenarios, they’d be rich. From the awkward moment a bottom realizes he’s taken home another bottom to taking a dangerously big dick in the butt, we guarantee bottoms everywhere will relate to these types of sex. Here are the most notorious (check out the full list below).bieber

  1. The “Two Bottoms Don’t Make a Top” Sex
    That moment when you realize you’re about to fuck another bottom—and someone’s got to take the top. Whoops!
  2. The “Going In Dry Will Make Me Cry” Sex
    Every bottom knows the horrors of underestimating how important lube is. As BuzzFeed says, “You could be looser than a wizard’s sleeve, but every bottom needs something to help drive that D home.” Preach!
  3. The “Giant Dick In My Ass” Sex
    The big dick is a thing of beauty—in theory. In practice, it can feel like your insides are being rearranged!
  4. The “We Are Gathered Here Today For No Fucking Reason” Sex
    “You saw him in the bar and wanted to take that dick home and set up a rodeo. Everything’s going great until… the top flops because he’s had a drink.” Wah wah wah.
  5. The “Do You Actually Know What You’re Doing” Sex
    A bottom’s worst nightmare: his rimming gave you a beard rash and then he starts jackhammering away like your butt’s a punching bag!
  6. The “I Don’t Think We’re Done Yet You Bastard” Sex
    This is when a top finishes himself and then rolls over like he’s off duty. Not so fast—get that dick back here!
  7. The “I Didn’t Have Leg Day Planned Until Friday” Sex
    “You got it given to you good and your back is well and truly blown out. Then you stand up and suddenly you’re Ariel taking her first steps with new legs.” Somebody get that bottom a wheelchair!

Want to have a truly memorable experience? You’ll be walking funny for days after we’re done with you!

Check out more types of sex every bottom has had: https://www.buzzfeed.com/benhenry/going-in-dry-will-make-me-cry

8 Unavoidably Unsexy Things That Happen the First Time You Fuck Someone

imagesDistractify recently put together a list of the unavoidably unsexy things that happen during sex that will make you cringe with embarrassment and laugh with recognition. Let’s face it, sex for the first time with someone can definitely bring some awkwardness, and this list is a hilarious reminder of all those simply unavoidable moments. Here are the 8 unsexy things that happen the first time you fuck someone (check out the full list below):

  1. Your bodies will make several sounds when they slap and detach, slap and detach
    Distractify describes this phenomenon as “the sound of a wet suction cup being peeled from the side of a bathtub.”
  2. You’ll direct your partner to what feels good like an air traffic controller
    Wave an arm; use a code; try to decipher what the other person wants while trying to stick a perfect landing.
  3. Yes, you will smell and probably have your face in their armpit
    And possibly, if you’re into that, you will lick their armpit.
  4. You will get hair in your mouth
    At some point you will need to pause to get hair, pubic or otherwise, out of your mouth.
  5. The condom ask and search party
    Someone will ask, the other will search…and sometimes search and search and search for a condom: “sort of like a business deal and a scavenger hunt.”
  6. There’ll be awkwardness putting the condom on 
    You try to do this as smoothly as possible, but it will inevitably be awkward.
  7. Yes, air will get pushed inside places and noises will be made in response
    Aw, yes. The unavoidable queef. It happens.
  8. You are going to get sweaty
    Distractify: “Not in a glisten-y way, but in an ‘oh my god, I didn’t know I could sweat there’ animal way.”

These are funny cause they’re true. In the mood to have some real experiences yourself? We don’t mind getting sweaty here!

Check out Distractify’s list.

NEWS: Oral Sex Hits New Heights!

Studies show that male bats perform oral sex on females, wait it gets better…researchers believe the act is performed to ensure the sex lasts longer! These flying rats are on to something!

According to a 13-month study on this phenomena researchers witnessed 57 cases of sex, oral and intercourse…usually in the a.m. Well clearly they choose the morning hours, who doesn’t want to kick off their day like that?

The article by https://news.discovery.com/animals/bats-perform-oral-sex-130401.htm goes into more detail by explaining: “Apart from humans, bats also exhibit oral sex as a courtship behavior,” said Ganapathy Marimuthu, a bat researcher at Madurai Kamaraj University in India. Initially, males groomed their penises to go erect before approaching females. When they gently touched females with their wings, females typically moved away, and males followed.When the females stopped moving, the males started licking the females’ vaginas — the act known as cunnilingus. This foreplay may help arouse and lubricate females, the researchers said.Each case of cunnilingus typically lasted about 50 seconds. The males then mounted the females for 10 to 20 seconds, and then went back to cunnilingus for 94 to 188 seconds.”

This is crazy, not only do male bats muff dive but they go in for seconds after a quick mounting, I’m impressed. The species of bats that were found to get freaky-deaky were fruit bats, and researchers mentioned it’s not just male-to-female but female-to-male servicing as well. Evidently bats know the whole concept of give-and- take!

Sometimes you have to see it to believe it, check it out: https://www.livescience.com/28335-bats-perform-oral-sex-video.html