Hilarious Archives - Phone Sex: News, Insights, & Secrets NiteFlirt.com

There’s Now a Fortnite Porn Parody

If you’re a fan of the world’s most popular game, Fortnite, we’ve got good news for you: there’s now a porn parody! Fortnut combines all the things you love about the game with sleazy, hilarious sex. In other words, you can get Victory Royales interspersed with gratuitous pussy shots.

The parody opens with a silly take on Twitch streamers, and we meet the star PussySparkles as she jumps into the game. From there, we see characters being pushed in shopping carts while wielding guns with dildos attached to the end. Obviously, Ramirez gets her own coveted “Dick-tory Royale” in the end. Wood Rocket and Pornhub are behind the raunchy porn parody, which you can currently stream for free on either site.

Looking for some raunchy entertainment? Come be Dick-torious at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the Fortnite Porn parody: https://www.dailydot.com/upstream/fortnut-porn-parody-fortnite/

Museum of Sex Patron Sues After Injury On the Boob Bounce House

Cum_2_Sabrina02 It seems an attraction that’s part of the Museum of Sex’s “Pleasures of the Erotic Playground” isn’t all that pleasurable. A Ralph Lauren executive is suing because of an accident on the boob bounce house. The mishap happened while bouncing between two boobs at the Jump for Joy Attraction.

“She was bouncing between the two boobs and then she didn’t bounce up,” explained a source who witnessed the accident. The woman claims she needs dental implants and surgery to repair her nose, and is seeking unspecified damages for the medical treatment and the emotional trauma she suffered. The once joyful attraction has closed for repair on two occasions since the incident, which is such a shame because, really, boobs give so much joy!

Looking for something pleasurable? Come check out NiteFlirt’s erotic playground!

Here’s more about about a woman suing after an accident on the boob bounce house: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4700968/Woman-sues-Museum-Sex-accident-bounce-house.html

This Woman Wore An Unsolicited Dick Pic Costume

If you’re one of those people who plans their Halloween costume months in advance, we’ve got a seriously great one: an unsolicited dick pic! A clever lady wore the costume to a “The Internet” party and, obviously, it was a big hit (unlike unsolicited dick pics in real life…). “The perfectly executed costume featured a slightly curved tip/hat and an all-too-real, probably because it was, text convo (sample line: ‘fancy a fuck?’),” reports Refinery 29 (check out a pic below).

Not surprisingly, the internet went berserk for the hilarious costume—right down to the brilliant pink suede skirt. “Not all heroes wear capes. But some wear unsolicited dick pic costumes,” said one Twitter user. We think it’s fair to say, this woman wins the costume contest!

Looking for some naughty fun yourself? It’s never too early to start breaking out the freaky costumes at NiteFlirt!

Check out this woman’s unsolicited dick pic costume here: https://www.refinery29.com/2017/07/164920/dick-pic-costume-party-clementine-ford

10 Raunchy Sex Jokes That’ll Make You Say ‘WTF’

Here at NiteFlirt, we love us some dirty jokes. But then again, there are dirty jokes and then there are dirty jokes. Here are some of the most hilarious and cringeworthy ones out there.

Why did Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Kermit likes honey-glazed ham.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
How do you know if a guy has a high sperm count?
You have to chew before you swallow.
What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common?
They can smell it, but they can’t eat it.
What do eating pussy and smoking cigarettes have in common?
The closer you get to the butt, the worse it tastes.
What happened to Pinocchio when he was masturbating?
He caught fire.
What does Popeye’s dick smell like?
Olive oil.
What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
A seatbelt.
What’s the difference between jam and jelly?
You can’t jelly something up your ass.
What’s red and has seven dents in it?
Snow White’s cherry.

Looking for something a little raunchy? Let’s get dirty!

Check out more dirty jokes: https://www.buzzfeed.com/spenceralthouse/nsfw-sex-jokes

8 Dirty Jokes That Will Make Women Scream With Laughter

Sometimes, when it comes to sex, women need to laugh to keep from crying. After all, if the guy didn’t make you cum, laughter is at least the next best thing. Here are 8 dirty jokes that will have women screaming with laughter.

“Is this about sucking dick? Sign reads: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, fix your ponytail and try again.’”
It’s funny cause it’s true!
“*during sex*
him: fuck. ur tight.
me: thanks. ur pretty cool too.”
Such a lovely compliment!
“Me, while he’s 6ft deep in my cervix: hey can I ask u something? Why didn’t u tell me u were gonna be late earlier. I don’t mind if you wanna go out with your friends I just want us to communicate.”
Bwhahahahaha!
“Guy: Fuck her from the back while she’s cooking eggs in morning for you.
Response: Y’all gonna learn to stop taking sex advice from tumblr when ya titty hit that hot pan on the stove.”
Seriously—that could get dangerous!
“If you sucked my titties you can never talk shit about me I’m your mom now respect me.”
Mama knows!
“*having sex*
boy: did you cum yet
girl: not yet
boy: *does nothing* how about now?
girl: sure
boy: sweet”
We’ve all been there…
“Me: I’m only meeting him to chill.Me to me: shave your pussy just in case.”
They don’t call it Netflix and Chill for nothing!
“Guy: *gets blowjob*Guy: did u cum babe?”
This is exactly why they should teach Sex Ed in school!

Looking to get dirty? We can make you scream with pleasure right here!

Check out more dirty sex jokes for women: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/jokes-about-sex-that-will-make-women-laugh-way-harder-tha

7 Hilarious Posts About Masturbation from Tumblr

“Masturbation is probably the only DIY project you will start and actually finish.” It’s funny cause it’s true! Here are 7 posts about masturbation from the hilarious folks on Tumblr.

“Masturbation is just having sex with the person you love most.”
Aw, cute. So does that mean you should buy yourself chocolates on Valentine’s Day? Sounds good to us!
“This post is here to remind everybody that ‘gratrunka’ is the Swedish word for ‘crying while masturbating.’ That’s a real tear jerker.”
See what they did there?
“Is masturbating while smoking weed called masterblazing? No its called highjacking. Guys no it’s weedwhacking. No its called disappointing ur mother.”
So true!
“Stressed out? Masturbate. Have a headache? Masturbate. Gotta leave? Stay in bed, masturbate. Have so much shit to do? Who cares! Masturbate.”
This person has truly figured out the important things in life.
“Trinity Church: ‘Masturbation Is Satan’s Typewriter.'”
I had no idea I was a novelist.
“*not horny but masturbates just in case I was*
Smart plan!
“A vampire masturbating in front of a mirror. Bet you didn’t see that coming.”
Good one!

Looking for a little levity yourself? Laughter and masturbation go hand and hand at NiteFlirt!

Check out more hilarious Tumblr posts about masturbation here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jennaguillaume/sex-with-the-person-you-love-most