Tag: Funny

The Erotic Carp Calendar Is Back And Better Than Ever

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If you’re looking for the perfect holiday gift for the All-American Man in your life, we’ve got just the thing for you. The Carponizer Erotic Carp Fishing Calendar is the “cult fishing calendar” that combines two of every man’s favorite things: fish and naked women. Yes, this calendar lets you ogle big, beautiful fish and big-breasted women.

The Carponizer Erotic Carp Fishing Calendar 2018 can be purchased on Amazon and, just like last year’s calendar, does not disappoint with providing both nude women and impressive fish. There’s also a BBQ version for red meat lovers, BBQ-Chicks Grillkalender 2018. You guessed it, this one features nude women cooking up some super hot BBQ. Fish or beef, all your erotic calendar dreams are coming true!

Looking for some super hot experiences? NiteFlirt has all of your favorite things right here!

Check out more about the Erotic Carp Fishing Calendar 2018: https://jezebel.com/i-am-yet-again-not-in-this-years-erotic-carp-calendar-1820764876

Wedding Photo Of Bride Going Down On Groom Goes Viral

Image Source: Flickr.com | David Simmonds (@davidwithacamera)Some Dutch newlyweds wanted to memorialize their special day with a photo that will not soon be forgotten. It shows the pair dressed in their wedding regalia in a beautiful forest clearing, apparently sneaking away from their party for a little, ahem, intimacy. The groom stands with his suit-trousers around his ankles—with the bride on her knees in front of him!

The risque wedding photo shared online by the couple’s photographer has since gone viral. The caption reads: “Some newlyweds cannot wait for the party to be over so they can quietly retreat to their suite for a smashing wedding night.” The photo—which was actually suggested to the couple by one of their mothers—is meant to be “playful” and “fantastic to talk about in ten years.” As the couple say, “Life is already prudish enough.”

Looking for some risque fun yourself? We can give you something at NiteFlirt you’ll never forget!

Check out more about the wedding photo of a bride giving her groom head: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4948758/Wedding-photo-appears-bride-performing-sex-act.html

Find a Boo With These Halloween Pick Up Lines

genie-lampWhat is it about Halloween that brings out the naughtiness in people? Something about dressing up in a costume makes everyone want to get spooky, if you know what we mean. This Halloween, get a sexy treat with these pick up lines.

  1. “I don’t have a costume, can I go as your date?”
    Cheesy, but effective.
  2. “You make my heart beat faster than a haunted house.”
    Haunting!
  3. “Are you a ghost? You’ve been haunting my dreams all night.”
    What ghost wouldn’t want to go all night with this pick up line?
  4. “I ‘witch’ you’d go out with me.”
    Scary good!
  5. “It’s scary how good we’d look together.”
    Awww, er, we mean, ahhhh!
  6. “Went trick-or-treating, but I didn’t get any Hershey’s. Can you share some kisses?”
    How sweet!
  7. “Will you zom-be mine?”
    Only if you’re up for (All) Night Of the Living Dead!
  8. “I’m the ghoul for you.”
    Sounds ghoul to us!
  9. “You’re bewitching.”
    Better watch out—we’ll put a spell on you!
  10. “You must be a zombie, you’re drop-dead gorgeous.”
    We’ll eat you alive!

Looking for a sexy treat this Halloween? Come get spooky right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more Halloween pick up lines: https://www.refinery29.com/halloween-pick-up-lines-openers#slide-14

Gay Porn Inspires Viral Meme

bieberThere’s something about porn that works really well for memes. And the latest porn meme might be the best internet catchphrase of the year: “Are you serious?! Right in front of my salad?” The quote comes from a gay porn scene in Private Lessons 3 where a man has hired a chef to make a salad for a woman—and then proceeds to fuck the chef right in front of her.

While she eats the salad, the man casually penetrates the chef from behind—and from her indignant reaction, a viral porn meme is born (you can watch the scene below). It didn’t take long before “Right in front of my salad?” was shared all over Twitter: “Are you guys really going to start talking about back to school? Are you serious? Right in front of my salad??” says one hilarious user. Once again the comedic potential of porn is not lost on the internet.

Looking for something shocking? Are you serious?—come to NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the gay porn scene that became a viral meme: https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/right-in-front-of-my-salad-meme/

11 Hilarious Tweets About Condoms 

condomsThe funny folks on Twitter have some astute observations to offer about condoms in 140 characters or less. Some of these tweets will having you nodding sympathetically while others will have you slapping your thigh with laughter. Here are the 11 funniest tweets about condoms to help you “wrap up” your day with a good laugh.

  1. “Dear, why are there broken condoms on our couch?”
    “Bob… Would you please call our children by their names.”
    Ouch!
  2. “Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.”
    Warning: condoms do not protect against getting hit by a bus.
  3. “I always try to put some condom wrappers in my garbage so the raccoons that go through my trash think I’m cool.”
    But honestly, raccoons are the coolest.
  4. “Fun fact: Taking a box of condoms to the pharmacist’s window and asking for the fitting room will get you thrown out of Target.”
    But at least you’ll get a good story!
  5. “I’d like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom please.”
    “Sir, that is a sleeping bag”
    *winks at cashier continually until she finishes her shift*
    Creepy!
  6. DATE: This place is so fancy
    ME: Ever have a guy splurge on you before?
    DATE: Well, only when we didn’t have a condom
    *wipes tear from eye.*
  7. “Seems like Hello Kitty should be a brand of condoms.”
    Or a sex toy!
  8. “I bet homophobic guys get reincarnated into condoms.”
    Karma…
  9. “[handing out condoms to trick or treaters] give these to your parents, I don’t want more of you coming back next year.”
    [Trick or treaters generously hand out eggs in response].
  10. “I’m so committed to pizza that I’ve stopped wearing a condom when I eat it.”
    Now that is a serious pizza lover!
  11. “Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they’re already in tiny little bags!”
    Brilliant!

Looking to add a little levity to your day? Come have some raunchy fun with us!

Check out more hilarious condom tweets here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/benhenry/sir-thats-a-sleeping-bag

This Is What Happens When Comedians Feed Porn Stars Their Lines

Image Source: Screen captures from YouTube via DistractifyEver wonder what the people are talking about during the part of the porno you always fast forward through? Well, in a new Comedy Central video, two comedians feed porn stars their lines in real time, while they are fucking, and the result is hilarious. Here are some of the most ridiculous lines they tell the adult entertainers to say during “the action” scenes (watch the video below).

When the guy enters the room he says, “This is the part of the porno everyone fast forwards through. So we can say whatever we want. Obama’s a Muslim.” Later, once the lady takes off her shirt, he decides it’s time to get this party started: “People are gonna start watching the porno now, so we should do sex.” Then he goes down on her, and she says, “You’re really lucky I’m not suede. Because my vagina would be ruined, like how suede gets ruined when it gets wet.” When they start fucking doggy style, the comedian has the guy put one leg up and say, “I’m just like Washington crossing the Delaware!” And when it’s time for the money-shot (on her tits), the guy yells, “Get out of here, sticky ghost babies!” Of course, she doesn’t miss a beat: “My tits are their graveyard!”

Want us to show you “how we stayed warm in the military”? We can make you “wish you had fifty tits!”

Check out the video of comedians feeding porn stars their lines here:

And you can read more here:  https://distractify.com/humor/2016/02/26/mustafa-comedian-porn-narration