Tag: Funny

Fendi’s $1,000 ‘Touch Of Fur’ Shawl Looks Like A Pussy

vaginaanatomyA new shawl that retails for nearly $1,000 has gotten Twitter’s attention—because people think it looks like a giant vagina. The pink shade of the silk, wool and fur shawl looks shockingly vulva-like, leading the company to remove the shawl from their website after many on social media started making pussy-jokes. The Guardian was among the first to point out that “It makes you look like you’re being born.”

A Twitter user quipped, “My DH just said ‘don’t let bald men wear it’ I can’t imagine why…” Another Twitter user was feeling inspired by the pussy-shawl: “That’s my Halloween costume sorted.” But the best response we heard from Twitter was this gem: “It does look like something warm to slip into on a cold day.”

Looking for something risque? We can always get your attention here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about Fendi’s $1000 vagina shawl: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fendi-vagina-shawl_us_5bc587e4e4b0d38b5870bc28

Pornhub Will Blow Your Leaves For Free

Image Credit: New York Post

Pornhub wants to show their fans some appreciation—by offering to blow them for free. The porn mega-site is now offering free leaf blowing services to residents in Upstate New York. “Pornhub wants to blow you for free!! Well, your lawn actually,” Pornhub tweeted. “If you live in Dutchess County, NY email bl***@*****ub.com with your contact info+proof of address and we’ll blow you…r leaves off your lawn!”

The smut site partnered with Dutchess Lawns in Poughkeepsie for the three-day campaign aptly titled, “Pornhub Blows America.” The company saw over 500 requests for service, sending trucks emblazoned with the Pornhub logo and workers in Pornhub T-shirts to blow lawns all around Upstate New York. Pornhub said they hope to extend the leaf blowing service to other locations in the future.

Are you a fan of NiteFlirt? Let us show you our appreciation right here!

Check out more about Pornhub’s free leaf blowing service: https://nypost.com/2018/11/07/pornhub-will-blow-your-leaves-for-free/

People Who Laugh At Themselves Make Better Lovers, Study Says

genie-lampIf you wanna get down and dirty in the bedroom, you gotta learn to clown. According to a new study, people who have a self-deprecating sense of humor have more fun in the sack—especially women. On the other hand, those who fear being laughed at reported lower sexual satisfaction and were less content in their relationships overall.

Laughing at one’s self seems to be the trick to being good in bed, since partners were less happy with lovers who they need to walk on eggshells around. Respondents who said their humor relies more on mocking or ridiculing others also reported greater levels of conflict in their relationship. So there you have it: gotta make ’em laugh before you make ’em cum!

Looking for a satisfying sexual experience? Let’s clown around on NiteFlirt!

Check out more about a study that says people who laugh at themselves make better lovers: https://nypost.com/2018/10/18/people-who-laugh-at-themselves-make-better-lovers-study/

8 Amazing Pornhub Comments

Image Credit: Buzzfeed

Yes, there are comments on Pornhub. And as you might imagine, they are hilarious. Really, you just need to see these for yourself (check out more below).

  1. “I’m starting to think this isn’t YouTube.”
    Very perceptive!
  2. “I don’t understand. I see a PS4 with God of War in the background, how is it possible that they have time for fucking?”
    One of life’s great mysteries…
  3. “Really!!! The censored version of the song! ON PORN! Wtf lol.”
    Ironic.
  4. “Hello. I made account on here just to say that he’s made the worst eggs I’ve ever seen. Couldn’t concentrate after I saw that abomination.”
    Lost their appetite…then their boner.
  5. “They didn’t even turn off the shower. What a waste of water. Can’t fap to this.”
    Maybe this user should check out “mother nature porn”?
  6. “You can hear a car horn honk at 3:37 so I don’t think this girl is a real flight attendant….”
    Uh, Captain, we have a problem here.
  7. “Yeah sex is cool, but have you ever tried washing your dishes as soon as you’re done using them so they don’t pile up?”
    Umm….?
  8. “Ppl are nicer on porn comment threads than on Facebook Imao.”
    It’s because everyone is very relaxed.

Looking for some amazing X-rated content? The ppl are always the nicest at NiteFlirt (wink wink)!

Check out more Pornhub comments: https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewziegler/pornhub-comments

‘Times of London’ Becomes Butt Of Twitter Jokes For Its Sex Euphemism

Image Credit: The Daily Dot

Fucking has been given many cutesy euphemisms—“nookie” or “knocking boots,” for example—but none are as cringe-worthy as the one in a new Times of London article. In a piece about why watching television is killing couples’ sex lives, a British columnist referred to sex as “sweeping the special chimney.” No, we’re not joking. And as you might expect, Twitter responded in kind.

One hilarious tweet said, “this study is now irrelevant because the phrase ‘sweep the special chimney’ has single-handedly ensured i will never fuck again.” Another Twitter user responded with: “Sweep the special chimney; Load the magic washing machine; Scrub the mystic kettle; Clean the sensual oven; Mop the lovely hallway.” This proves Brits should never try a new word for sexy times ever again.

Looking for a little wink-wink nudge-nudge? Netflix and sweep the special chimney on NiteFlirt, anyone?

Check out more about Times of London’s very unsexy sex euphemism: https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/times-of-london-sex-sweeping-the-special-chimney/

9 Mind-Blowing(ly Funny) Sex Jokes

sexinspaceWhen it comes to sex, feisty Twitter users want to make us scream—with laughter, that is. That’s right, the dirty joksters of Twitter are at it again, and this time they’re really bringing the raunchiness. Here are 9 sex jokes that are sure to blow your mind:

  1. “[during sex]
    her: call me names
    me: george.”
    Well, at least you didn’t call her by the wrong name…
  2. “Day 126 with no sex. I’ve lost hearing in my right eye.”
    Not having sex is dangerous, people!
  3. “The strap on the back of crocs is so they stay on during sex.”
    Adventurous!
  4. “[After sex] Sorry I was clapping so much.”
    Bravo, you sex machine, you!
  5. “Sex is a lot like Mario Kart, you go really fast, you throw some bananas, Wario is there.”
    Naughty, naughty Mario!
  6. “Shower sex is overrated fuck me in the microwave.”
    Hot!
  7. “[during sex]
    her: i want you to hurt me
    me: your sister’s more successful than you
    her: wait
    me: not a big fan of the new haircut
    her: stop.”
    Kinky!
  8. “casual sex means you get to wear jeans during it.”
    Ummm….
  9. “[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] ‘Go on without me.'”
    Not much of a go-get-er, eh?

Want to get your jollies off? Let us make you scream right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more Twitter sex jokes: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jamiejones/jokes-about-sex-that-will-have-you-screaming

This Is The Horniest Meme On The Internet

15417952809_93966489b5_zWhat’s the longest you’ve gone without getting some? If you’re like the rest of us, you’ve probably gone through a “sex dry spell” at one point or another—which is why the “days without sex” meme on Twitter is so relatable and hilarious. Here are the best ones to lighten the mood when you’ve gone too long without some good good lovin’ (check out more below).

  1. “Day 71 without sex: my smart watch thinks I’ve jogged 3 miles today but I haven’t left the house.”
    Good way to stay busy when you aren’t getting busy!
  2. “Day 16 without sex and I’m constantly drinking boba just so I can have balls in my mouth.”
    Tasty AND resourceful!
  3. “day 187 without sex: I just spit on my popsicle before putting it in my mouth.”
    Sexy and sweet!
  4. “Day 213 without sex: plugged my charger into my phone and whispered ‘you like that?’”
    Now that’s dirty talking!
  5. “Day 227 without sex : I got excited when the man at subway asked if I wanted 6 inch or 12 x”
    Size matters at Subway!
  6. “Day 1738 without sex: threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it’s like to get hit from behind.”
    Naughty naughty, Mario!
  7. “Day 0 without sex: life fucks me everyday.”
    But sex makes everything better!

Looking to end a sexual dry spell? We’re always wet here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more of the funniest sex dry spell tweets: https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/the-days-without-sex-meme-is-a-hilarious-way-to-roast-your-own-sex-life/

5 Things Only Picky Porn Watchers Will Understand

Image Credit: Kimberly_Gedeon and Buzz Feed

If you’ve ever spent an embarrassing amount of time finding “The Perfect Video,” you are probably a picky porn watcher. Whether it’s the music, the sex noises or the setting, everything has to be just right before you commit to getting off. Here are 5 things picky porn watchers will probably relate to… (check out the comics below).

  1. You search for the “porn of all porns”

While you only get a few seconds of orgasmic fireworks, you still spend eons searching for that diamond in the rough, aka, “porn perfection.”

  1. You’ve gotten bored of all the porn you’ve bookmarked

Once you’ve found your Holy Grail of porn, you of course bookmark it. But lo and behold, after watching it more than twice, you’re back to searching for the next Holy Grail!

  1. If the thumbnail sucks, the video will suck, too

If you’ve developed this rule of thumb, you are a seasoned porn enthusiast. If a video looks bad upon first glance, the whole video is most often trash. Always trust the thumbnail!

  1. You’ve got very specific tastes

You know what you like—kinks and fetishes—and can’t watch a video unless it has what you want to see.

  1. You often skip over parts in the video because you don’t have time to waste

Well, they don’t call it the money shot for nothing!

Looking for something specific? We always have what you want here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about picky porn watchers: https://www.buzzfeed.com/thewritingmaven/7-comics-only-picky-porn-watchers-would-understand-2hzoh

8 Hilarious Tweets And Tumblr Posts About Sex

5942090561_8656911f4b_zPeople on the internet keep it real when it comes to sharing funny observations about sex. And the most hilarious, sex-related posts are funny ’cause they’re true. Here are 8 silly tweets and Tumblr posts about sex that are just too much (check out more below).

  1. “I hate the word nut, cum is a nicer word.”“Oh, look at the squirrels storing cum for the winter.” Squirrels and humans alike love cum!
  2. “him: did u cum?
    me: yes, to the realization that this was a mistake.”     We’ve all been there!
  3. “boys get really hot and bothered when sexting and I’m probably laughing during it and eating macaroni.” Well, that does sound like a delicious way to multitask!
  4. “attention men: pls stop telling us you want to go down on us for ‘hours.’ thats way too long. we have stuff to do. i’ve got a lasagne cooking.” The perfect combo: orgasm followed by lasagne.
  5. “Having sex outside sounds pretty adventurous but what if a bug crawl up ya asshole then what you gone do.” The deep questions in life…
  6. “Sex sounds the same as when you stir potato salad.” Mmm, wet and delicious!
  7. “Fuck her from the back while she’s cooking eggs in morning for you.”“Y’all gonna learn to stop taking sex advice from Tumblr when ya titty hit that hot pan on the stove.” Ouch! Breakfast can wait…
  8. “Apparently the average person has sex 89 times a year. This is going to be a fucking brilliant week.” Better get down to business!

Looking for something to lift your mood? We’ve got just the thing to make your week fucking brilliant on NiteFlirt!

Check out more hilarious tweets about sex: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/dirty-tweets-and-tumblr-posts-that-will-make-you-scream?utm_term=.kcAzY7P10w#.aaax1WQ53E

7 Sex Posts That Are So Inappropriate You’ll Spit-Laugh

Screen Shot 2015-07-08 at 3.23.26 PMYou ever see a post so funny that you actually spit your drink out? Well, we’ve got some good ones for you. Just make sure your laptop is appropriately protected!

  1. “Bad things to say when you nut: whoopsie-doo, here comes the goo.” Or: a shot of goo from me to you!
  2. “‘Do you moan or cuss?’‘Depends how good the food is but usually both.’” Food porn!
  3. “Why is Santa’s sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.” Ooh, Santa baby!
  4. “I got birth control so I can stop being my boyfriend’s Toaster Strudel and start being his Twinkie.” Both are delicious!
  5. “It’s kinda funny how when you get older you start to enjoy the things you hated as a kid like taking naps and getting spanked.” The second one was kind of unexpected, but no one is disagreeing.
  6. “‘Is having a penis fun?’‘It has its ups and downs.’”Sometimes it’s a little hard.’‘It’s a pain in the ass.’” Come on, guys!
  7. “Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate.” Is that why it’s so joyful?

Looking for something risque? We can make you spit your drink out right on NiteFlirt!

Check out more inappropriate sex jokes: https://www.buzzfeed.com/andyneuenschwander/17-posts-that-are-both-hilarious-and-totall