Goop’s Telling Women To Put Jade Eggs In Their Pussies 

gwynethThere’s a new product Gwyneth Paltrow recommends adding to your Goop shopping cart that’s promising to do wonders for your sex life. No, it isn’t a $15,000 gold dildo or sex-dust smoothies—it’s the “ancient” jade egg, which for $66 will “increase chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general.” Goop also boasts that the eggs “were once the strictly guarded secret of Chinese concubines and royalty in antiquity.”

Goop alleges that sleeping and walking around with a stone egg in your ladybits is not only the new kegels, but will also magically make you appear more attractive. Unsurprisingly, actual doctors are already criticizing Paltrow for dolling out pseudo-science medical advice that is actually bad for women’s health. One OB/GYN pointed out that putting a porous rock inside you is dangerous because bacteria can easily lodge into its various nooks and crannies, unlike medical-grade silicone. Having an egg up there could also have the opposite effect of kegels and actually damage those muscles. Jade eggs are currently sold out on Goop, which leads us all to wonder—after so much questionable sex advice, such as vaginal steaming and toxic lube, why are women still buying “Yoni” Snake Oil from Gwyneth Paltrow?

Want to get some good feminine energy? We promise to do wonders for your sex life right here!

Check out more about Goop telling women to put jade eggs in their pussies: https://gizmodo.com/no-you-should-not-put-jade-eggs-in-your-vagina-because-1791390211

Illicit Sex Tape Goes Viral in China and Angers the Government

10817159986_3b12084857_zA viral sex tape that made it past the censors is promising to “Break the [Chinese] Internet” this week. The one-minute porn shows a couple fucking in a popular Chinese department store—and it’s since been viewed by millions of people. The x-rated video spread like wildfire all over China’s social media, which left the internet censors unable to catch the illicit material in time.

Although the censors are denouncing the sex tape as a “vulgar video [that] spread like a virus online and clashed with socialist core values,” the public’s reaction proves that many Chinese feel excitement at seeing the porn, not disgust. Since the incident, there have been commemorative t-shirts of the stunt, jokes on social media, and legions of people taking selfies outside the department store where the porn was shot. Even while the government continues to censor the internet against anything it finds “vulgar” or objectionable, Chinese citizens are finding ways to spread freedom of expression—and celebrate a love of porn!

Three cheers for internet porn! Come exercise your freedoms with us!

Check out more about the illicit Chinese sex tape here.