Morrissey’s latest foray into fiction writing has made him Twitter’s laughing stock and a shoo-in for this year’s Bad Sex Awards. Between his description of a boner as a “bulbous salutation” and his part about breasts “barrel-rolling” across the protagonist, Morrissey certainly made readers blush with his painfully bad sex scene. Thankfully, some great authors have done a much better job at writing good sex scenes. Here’s some of the best:

1. Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary
   “The cloth of her habit caught against the velvet of his coat. She threw back her white neck, swelling with a sigh, and faltering, in tears, with a long shudder and hiding her face, she gave herself up to him.”
2. Annie Proulx, Brokeback Mountain
   “…their mouths came together, and hard, Jack’s big teeth bringing blood, his hat falling to the floor, stubble rasping, wet saliva welling, and…pressing chest and groin and thigh and leg together, treading on each other’s toes until they pulled apart to breathe and Ennis, not big on endearments, said what he said to his horses and his daughters, little darlin.”
3. Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus
   “She pushed his hand away, took his sex into her mouth again, and with her two hands she encircled his sexual parts, caressed him and absorbed him until he came. He leaned over with gratitude, tenderness, and murmured, ‘You are the first woman, the first woman, the first woman …’”
4. Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things
   “She tasted him, salty, in her mouth. He sat up and drew her back to him. She felt his belly tighten under her, hard as a board. She felt her wetness slipping on his skin. He took her nipple in his mouth and cradled her other breast in his calloused palm. Velvet gloved in sandpaper.”

Feel like having an erotic experience that will leave you crying out “little darlin’”? We can make you say “I just can’t quit you” right here!

More good sex writing can be found here.