Alabama Walmart Stocks Gun Shelf with ‘Gun Oil’ Lube

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An Alabama Walmart made a major boner (no pun intended) recently when it stocked Gun Oil, a popular lube for gay men, next to its actual guns! An unsuspecting (and literal-minded) shopper got a big surprise while browsing Walmart’s gun department, and he posted a hilarious video of his reaction on Facebook. “It says water-based lubricant for your gun!” the shopper said in the video (watch below). “I was like, ‘Water-based? That could rust, right?’…”

He was almost sold on the product he thought was for his actual gun: “’Long-lasting lubrication with easy cleanup. Glycerin and paraben free. Wetter, lighter feel than silicone.’ Oh that sounds good. That sounds really good. I think my gun would work really good, wetter and lighter.” Well, what doesn’t work really well wetter and lighter, right? It wasn’t until he saw the ingredients list, which included things like ginseng “to promote blood flow,” that he started scratching his head in confusion. Then, when he saw “For topical use, apply desired amount to genital areas,” it all clicked into place. We say to those Alabama, Gun Oil cowboys, “Yee-haw!”

Need a little water-based lubrication for your gun? We’ve got all the gun oil you need right here!

Check out the video of a shopper finding Gun Oil in the Walmart gun aisle.

Meet Canada’s Orgasm Whisperer

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4065137553_1a8a7955ea_zWil McLean is in the business of getting women off. In fact, he estimates that he’s made around 1,000 women cum in his time as a sex machine operator. Yes, you read that correctly. McLean rents and operates heavy-duty, 6,400 RPM sex machines with a saddle and rotating and vibrating attachments through his website Sybiantoronto.com. And he had some sage words of wisdom about his role as an “orgasm whisperer” when he sat down recently to talk with Vice. Here are some highlights.

McLean gets women off as a way to focus on their pleasure exclusively, since cumming is so often male-centric. He says the machine works by “extending waves of vibration back at a frequency that the body understands and it wakes up nerve endings and because it’s so steady and such a deep low vibration, it penetrates through the body deeper. It’s vibrating areas that surface wise, more often than not, a penis won’t ever come in contact with.” He helps women get off using the machine by tuning in to what the woman’s feeling—he’ll listen to her breathing, watch the way her hips are moving, and then try to match the machine to her rhythms and movements. Then he just lets the lady ride—“Noises come out of you that you didn’t know you [could make].”

Feel like taking a wild ride? We know a thing or two about orgasm whispering here!

Here is Vice‘s full interview with the orgasm whisperer.

Threesome At a Rodeo Is Its Own Wild Ride

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There’s a video circulating around the internet of a side event at the Calgary Stampede rodeo this year (watch below). It seems two men and a woman decided to have their own private ride in an alley at the event. And judging by the vigorous display, these people sure were enjoying themselves at the rodeo!

The woman—who’s seen in the video getting fucked from behind while giving an enthusiastic blowjob to another cowboy—has become a sort-of internet hero, with memes, macros, photoshops, and even a tribute song to her. And she has actively embraced her internet cult-status: she released a Youtube video recently with the song about herself playing in the background acknowledging that she did indeed have a threesome, and that it was just as fun as it looked! She also eats a cucumber as a big F-You to all the haters out there. Yee haw!

In the mood for a wild ride yourself? Giddy-up, cowboy!

Wanna see the “rodeo” video?

You Can Now Put Your Dick In a Mouth-Pussy-Anus Robot

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3fap_gif2Brian Sloan, creator of the blow-job simulating sex toy the Autoblow 2, is at it again with his newest invention: the 3Fap, “a three-in-one male masturbator” that offers a mouth, a pussy, and an anus for you to stick your dick into. The 3Fap uses 3-D scanned body parts from the winners of a “Vaginal Beauty Contest,” so you can fuck realistically rendered “genital beauty queens.”

And if getting your pick of three different orifices isn’t enough, you can also control your level of suction within each one. So far, Sloan is crowdfunding the 3Fap and has raised only a couple hundred of his $40,000 goal. But he assures you, with the 3Fap you can experience three different textures every time you “Fap”: the butt is “tight and smooth,” the pussy is “ribbed,” and the mouth is “a zig-zag pattern.” In short, this guy wants to make “Fapping fun again”—whatever that means.

In the mood for some realistic, fun experiences yourself? You don’t need an elaborate sex toy for that—we’ve got the real thing right here!

Here’s more about the three-in-one male sex toy.

Robot Sex: the Future of Sex?

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It seems that having sex with robots may be in our future. A new report written by futurologist Dr. Ian Pearson claims that sex between robots and humans will be more common than sex between two people by 2050. According to The Daily Beast, Pearson “purports that engaging in virtual sex acts will be as prevalent in 2030 as our engagement with porn today, and that the majority of people will own sex toys that employ an alternate reality in some way come 2035.”

Pearson predicts that eventually humans will adapt to the strangeness of AI lovin’ (i.e, “robophilia”) and begin to form emotional and intimate bonds with robots. He also thinks that technology will play a much bigger role in our bedrooms: “We’ll get technology to let you share experiences, inhabit other people’s bodies, even lock them in place or control them electronically.” In short, the future of sex is looking pretty sexy—especially in the way that robot sex will allow us to experience love and pleasure in safer and stranger ways.

Feel like having some reality-bending experiences yourself? Let’s do the time-warp again!

The Daily Beast’s article can be found here.

Emojis That Mean Dirty Words

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sexyemojisEver get a text with an emoji that seems to mean more than the image itself? A dude sends you an emoji of an eggplant (cock) and a chocolate chip cookie (pussy), for instance. Or simply an emoji of a full mailbox (fucking). Well, this handy guide will help you know for sure what those sexually-charged emojis really mean. Here are a few favorites (check out the complete guide from Buzzfeed below).

Cock Emojis

  1. Ear of corn
  2. Peeled banana
  3. Rocket ship
  4. Red lipstick

Balls Emojis

  1. Cluster of grapes
  2. Two mugs of beer
  3. Pig’s snout

Ass Emojis

  1. Peach
  2. Sprinkly donut

Tits Emojis

  1. Two cherries
  2. Camel humps

Pussy Emojis

  1. Strawberry
  2. Slice of cake
  3. Hard candy
  4. Coin purse

Fucking Emojis

  1. Rollercoaster
  2. Blowfish (?)
  3. A bowl of ramen noodles
  4. Slice of pizza

Cumming Emojis

  1. “The Scream”
  2. Fountain overflowing
  3. A whale blowing water out of its spout

In the mood for a little fireworks, shooting star, happy face, tango emoji? We are always down for some trumpet-blowing, factory-smoke fun!

As promised: Buzzfeed‘s full guide.

If “Netflix and Chill” Were Honest

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netflixandchillA new hilarious video on Buzzfeed (watch below) goes behind the seemingly innocent invitation to “Netflix and chill tonight?” As it turns out, what the question is actually asking is: “Do you want to bang tonight?” Yup, sounds about right!

In the video, a dude tells his roommate to “stay the fuck in your room” before his date comes over. When she does, they try to act casual and pretend to know things about wine before it’s time to “divert this nervous energy by looking at a screen.” Because, really, it’s all about wanting to “make out a lot”— and “do other stuff….” So after about 10 or 20 minutes of “hiding [your] boner with [your] elbow,” and saying things just to get close to each other’s mouth, it’s finally time to say “fuck it” and make a move! And, eventually, to pause the movie—or not!

Feel like coming over for a little “Netflix and chill?” We know what you’re really asking—and we like it!

Check out “If ‘Netflix and Chill’ Were Honest” here.

Glory Hole

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Written by KatyStressRelief
I want to take you to a glory hole. I want to take you into a private booth and have you strip down nude. I would push you to your knees and have you lick and suck on my tiny cunt cock while we have the short wait for a cock to come through the wall.

The first cock I want to see come through that wall is a big black monster. I am getting wetter thinking of your lips stretched around that thick shaft. I want to sit and watch your mouth move up and down that long hard cock. I want to watch the spit run from your lips as you choke trying to accommodate his demanding flesh.

I pull you off his cock and have you suck on his balls. Slurping and licking his heavy full nutsack. I would be rubbing my clit and fingering my pussy watching you be the amazing cocksucker I know you to be. The booth smelling of pre-cum and pussy as you remain on your knees ready to take your first load.

You can feel his cock thickening and swelling as he pushes in deep to shoot his hot load of cum down your throat. The fun we could have at the glory hole together. I would love to chat more about the hot loads I would feed you. Give me a call and I will tell you all about my plans for getting you all the cock you desire

Pop-Up Porn Books

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via popupporno.org

There’s a new webseries by Canadian filmmaker Stephen Dunn that uses pornographic picture books to tell sexy stories about online dating/hook-up culture. The series, aptly named Pop-Up Porno, first wowed audiences at Sundance and is now being released online. Dunn started the project as a way to normalize the trials and tribulations of online dating—and what better way to do that than with pop-up cocks in a picture book?!

Each pop-up book takes about a month to create, and is brought to life by a collaborative team of designers (including celebrated homoerotic fetish artist Tom Of Finland), writers, and Dunn himself. Together the team adapts true erotic stories told by real people in the dating world into “an aesthetic to suit the tale.” Dunn hopes to continue making pornographic pop-up books, saying “Regardless of what happens they’re fun as hell to make, and as long as people keep sharing stories and we have enough money to pay our crew and the book designers, I’m happy to keep making more.”

Feel like having some real-life, sexy experiences yourself? We’ll give you stories to re-tell for a lifetime!

Check out more about Pop-Up Porno!

8 Facts Every Dude Should Know About His Dick

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_strawberrySure, you know your dick intimately, but do you know why hot tubs are bad for your balls? Or that not getting enough sleep can make you lose your boner? As Buzzfeed says, these facts are sort of like “the owner’s manual you never knew you needed.” Here are 8 facts every dude needs to know about his cock.

  1. The penis is a good indicator of your overall health
    One doctor says, “It’s like the dipstick of the body’s health.” That’s why if there’s something wrong with the genitals, you should go see your doctor to make sure it’s not a symptom of something else. And similarly, if there’s something wrong with your health, your dick could be affected too.
  2. Premature ejaculation is a lot more common than you think
    Premature ejaculation is when you cum about one to two minutes after penetration and then feel distressed and anxious about it. Statistics show that it affects about 10%-30% of men at some point in their lives. But those who suffer from it every time should talk to their doctor—it can be overcome.
  3. Your testicle size is important
    Your testicles should be about the same size and each be about the size of a walnut. If they’re too big or too small, there could be a problem with your sperm, in which case go see your doctor.
  4. Hot tubs are really bad for your balls
    “It’s like dunking your testicles like teabags in hot water,” says a doctor. That’s because getting your balls too hot halts your sperm.
  5. Cumming a lot is very good for you
    Ejaculating often is good for you because it lowers your risk of prostate cancer. Not to mention all the health benefits, like lower stress and increased happiness.
  6. Sleep deprivation can mess with your boner
    Not getting enough sleep can make you lose your morning wood and decrease your sex drive.
  7. Wash your dick after sex
    Since bacteria can grow faster when cum dries out on the skin, washing after sex will help you avoid infection.
  8. Don’t get your dick pierced
    In case you were considering it, consider this: possible complications include “significant bleeding, chronic irritation, or even damage to the urethra—which could leave you peeing out of the new hole.”

Want us to get to know you intimately? Your doctor will definitely approve!

Here are more facts every dude should know about his dick.