Here’s the Most Swiped Professions on Tinder

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_tinderTinder’s been gathering some interesting information on their lusty dating app lately. For the last three months, they’ve been culling data about who’s hot and who’s not based on profession. And as you can probably guess, male pilots and female physical therapists are getting the most play. Here’s a breakdown on the most swiped professions on Tinder (check out the full list below).

Not surprisingly, the ladies loved the pilots, entrepreneurs, firefighters, and doctors. A good pilot’s not afraid to take control, while a firefighter definitely knows how to use that hose! For the women, the guys couldn’t get enough of physical therapists, interior designers, entrepreneurs, and PR/Communications. What guy wouldn’t want a woman who knows how to use her hands all night long? Or a PR woman who takes charge and can give good mouth, er, we mean word of mouth?

Looking for a hot date yourself? No need to swipe here—we are always down for some play!

Check out more about the most swiped professions on Tinder here: https://jezebel.com/fantasy-vs-reality-taking-a-look-at-tinders-most-swip-1761716152

The 7 Most Famous Hollywood Merkins

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naked beautiful bodySo, you’re probably wondering what a merkin is right about now. For starters a merkin is a very important prop used in Hollywood to, um, enhance an actress…down there. In other words, a merkin is a pubic wig, employed to sidestep prudish Hollywood ratings and to amp up a star’s luxurious bush. Here are the 7 most famous merkins in TV and movies (check out the bush-a-licious images below).

  1. Kate Winslet, The Reader
    In her Oscar winning role, Winslet donned an impressive merkin. Though she tried to go all-natural for the role, she said that after “years of waxing…it doesn’t come back quite the way it used to.”
  2. Amy Landecker, A Serious Man
    In this 1967 picture, the luscious Landecker wore a pussy wig for her nude sunbathing scene. She felt her bush was not plush enough, and she wanted to go for an “authentic look.”
  3. The bottomless party scene in Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
    In this sexy scene, all the girls were required to wear merkins to avoid an NC17 rating. Some of them appear to be taken right from Dennis Rodman’s technicolor head!
  4. The nude extras in The Bank Job
    All the hot, nude extras sported merkins in this risque 1971 movie.
  5. Sasha Grey, Entourage
    When this pornstar-turned-actress appeared fully nude in an episode of Entourage, the internet went nuts. Although Grey has frequently sported a bush in her XXX roles—unlike most porn stars—she doesn’t usually have that much hair down there!
  6. Patricia Arquette, Human Nature
    This actress is no stranger to full-frontal nudity, and yet she’s said that she doesn’t like being naked on screen. For this reason, she made her own merkin out of the random prop hair she found on set, saying, “Look, I’m not going to show my own pubes here!”
  7. Kim Catrall, Sex and the City
    In this hilarious episode, Samantha tried to dye her bush, but it came out the wrong color: “I’m Bozo the bush!”

Looking for something a little lush yourself? We can give you an “authentic” experience right here!

Check out more about Hollywood’s most famous merkins: https://jezebel.com/5644202/14-famous-merkins-nsfw/

‘Female Viagra’ Results in Just ‘Half of One Satisfying Sexual Encounter a Month’

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imagesToday in wah wah wah news, Addyi, the pharmaceutical intended to enhance female desire, is turning out to be less than thrilling. The drug was approved by the FDA last year and was marketed as the first “female viagra,” but so far taking the supposed libido pill is said to result in just “half of one satisfying sexual encounter a month,” according to the New York Times. A study which looked at nearly 6,000 women found that Addyi simply was not effective, especially considering its numerous side effects.

“[Some] public health groups and some other women’s groups contended that the science did not justify its approval. The drug’s effects were modest, they said, and not worth side effects such as sleepiness, dizziness, fatigue, and nausea,” reported the Times. Not only that, but the study was not able to define what “half of one satisfying sexual encounter a month” even meant (half an orgasm? Sex was kinda-sorta okay?). Before this report, consumers were already skeptical about Addyi’s abilities, and sales of the drug have not been robust. We can only guess that this new report is probably going to take the wind out of Addyi’s sails for good, if you know what we mean.

Looking for a definitively satisfying sexual encounter? You don’t need Big Pharma for that—we’ve got all the thrills and none of the side effects right here!

Check out more about ‘female viagra’s’ disappointing data here: https://jezebel.com/addyi-the-female-viagra-results-in-just-half-of-one-s-1762097106

This is What it Looks Like to Have an Orgasm—as Demonstrated With Clay

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_orgasmfaceIn Buzzfeed’s new video, people twist, pull, tug, and generally explode clay to demonstrate what it looks like to have an orgasm. And as you can imagine, the experience (or should we say ‘clay-perience’?) really is different for each person. Here is what it looks like to have an orgasm, as interpreted through clay (check out the video below).

First, many of the people start by molding and “working” the clay: “Get everything, like, warmed up. Foreplay is underrated,” explains one guy. Then a woman starts shaping her clay into a mountain because “you know, you’re sweatin’. But you’re really enjoying the view!” A different guy twists his clay into a big, wound-up mass: “So, you get like wound up a little bit. It’s a lot of contracting and releasing.” And, of course, they all end their orgasm demonstrations with explosions of clay everywhere: “You get to the top of the mountain…and you’re like ‘Oh my god, I made the fireworks show! It’s amazing!’” Let’s get climbin’!

In the mood for a fireworks show yourself? We can make you feel like clay in our hands right here!

Check out Buzzfeed’s video that shows people explaining what it’s like to orgasm by using clay: https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliapugachevsky/people-show-what-orgasms-look-like-using-clay#.blgJBxWLYA

The Most Effed Up Sex Injuries

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crimsonninjagirl(2)Maybe you’ve seen the show Sex Sent Me to the ER? Well, let’s just say that the injuries on that show are child’s play compared to the sex injury data compiled by the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission. Although the sex injuries make up less than .02% of the 2.3 million reported general injuries, they are still seriously effed up. Here are some of the worst (see more below).

Not surprisingly, most of the injuries occurred from foreign objects “disappearing” into orifices after insertion, according to Vice. Some other unfortunate accidents occurred in the, um, pelvic region. One man made a homemade cock ring from PCVP pipe rings and a ring from a horse halter. Another guy attempted to anally fuck a pencil. And, of course, there were freak accidents during hot fuck-fests: a lady gave herself a head injury when riding a guy so hard that her head lurched into the headboard. And a 19-year-old woman allegedly suffered a dental injury after a sex swing detached from the ceiling and hit her in the mouth. Ouch! The lesson here: Enter At Your Own Risk!

Want to have some pleasurable, injury-free experiences? You’ll feel no pain with us—unless you’re into that!

Check out more of the most effed up sex injuries here: https://distractify.com/sex-relationships/2016/02/18/margot-dont-stick-it-there

Porn Stars Give Couples Sex Advice

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_positionsHave you ever heard the expression “Fuck like a porn star”? Well, now you actually can, thanks to the helpful advice of a few porn stars! In Buzzfeed’s new video, adult entertainers Paris Kennedy and Tommy Pistol give couples some sage sex advice on how to bust out all the hottest moves in bed (check out the video below). Here are the highlights.

One couple wanted to experiment with fetish-play and BDSM, so Paris Kennedy showed them how to use a belt as a nifty restraining device, as well as how to find the “sweet spot” during spanking. A different couple wanted advice on how to keep going for endurance fuck-fests. The porn stars suggested stopping when it starts to be too much, and then giving her head for a while so the guy can cool down. Tommy Pistol’s best advice was this: “you got to be vocal and clear…and to respond and listen.” After the tutorial, one girlfriend gave this ringing endorsement: “I’m horny now. Let’s go!”

Want to fuck like a porn star? We can hit all your sweet spots!

Check out more about porn stars giving couples sex advice here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/bencoleman2/porn-stars-teach-couples-secret-sex-moves#.dlpyZ79lkz

10 Types of Sex Everyone Will Have at Least Once

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We’ve all had a moment while having sex where you think to yourself, “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” And that’s because when you fantasize about it—shower sex, for example—it seems so perfectly erotic. But once you’re actually doing it, the reality can sometimes be a bit less sexy. Here are the 10 types of sex everyone will have at least once (check out Buzzfeed’s hilarious illustrated version below).

The “weirdly sticky experimental food” sex
Chocolate sauce always seems so sensual…until it’s dripping down your body in brown, runny streaks and getting all over the bed!

The “we haven’t done it in this room before” sex
When your elbows are digging into the kitchen tile and the drawers are sticking into your legs, it’s easy to see why people have sex in beds!

The “tried to do a sexy striptease but was wearing skinny jeans” sex
Face, meet floor.

The “quickie before work” sex

“No pressure but I’ve got a breakfast meeting.”

 

The “probably too hungover to have sex” sex
“Can you go on top now?”
*face turns green* “OH GOD NO.”

The “shower sex is meant to be great” sex
“You’re holding on a bit too tight.”
“I’m scared I’ll slip and knock my head!”

The “my housemates are right outside the door so we have to be quiet” sex
That can be hot!

Image Source: Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

The “I want to be able to say I had sex outside” sex
“Hurry up, I’m freezing my tits off!”

The “I saw the position in porn and thought it looked super cool” sex
Upside down, in a head-stand, legs in the air, doing push-ups—yup, porn makes it look so easy!

The “super lazy but seriously satisfying Sunday afternoon” sex
“Skyrockets in flight. Phew! Afternoon delight!”

Looking to fulfill your fantasy? You don’t have to “wait until the middle of the cold dark night” to have a super satisfying experience—take off with us right here!

Check out Buzzfeed’s illustrated list “Types Of Sex Everyone Will Have At Least Once” here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/floperry/types-of-sex-every-couple-has-at-least-once#.hlxbW39OpM

Donald Trump Wanted to Debate His Dick Size

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small handsIn what has to be one of the most bizarre moments in election history, Donald Trump felt the need to bring up his dick as an important talking point during the most recent GOP presidential debate. Trump wants the American people to rest assured that he does not have a small penis. Because, obviously, one of the most important requirements for being the leader of the free world is cock size.

He was responding to comments Marco Rubio made about Trump’s hands, when Rubio basically implied—much in the way that middler schoolers do—that his small hands mean he also has a small penis. Trump responded by saying, “Look at those hands. Are they small hands? [Rubio] referred to my hands, ‘if they’re small, something else must be small.’ I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.” Rubio brought up Trump’s hands as a response to being called “Little Rubio” by the businessman, saying, “And you know what they say about men with small hands? You can’t trust them.” There’s only one logical way for this public pissing match to end: with both candidates whipping out Little Trump and Little Rubio and letting the people decide! Now that’s the American way!

Want to “bring up the cock” in non-political ways? We can guarantee there’s no problem with that!

Check out more about Donald Trump debating his dick size here: https://www.cnn.com/2016/03/03/politics/donald-trump-small-hands-marco-rubio/

This Is What Happens When Comedians Feed Porn Stars Their Lines

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Image Source: Screen captures from YouTube via DistractifyEver wonder what the people are talking about during the part of the porno you always fast forward through? Well, in a new Comedy Central video, two comedians feed porn stars their lines in real time, while they are fucking, and the result is hilarious. Here are some of the most ridiculous lines they tell the adult entertainers to say during “the action” scenes (watch the video below).

When the guy enters the room he says, “This is the part of the porno everyone fast forwards through. So we can say whatever we want. Obama’s a Muslim.” Later, once the lady takes off her shirt, he decides it’s time to get this party started: “People are gonna start watching the porno now, so we should do sex.” Then he goes down on her, and she says, “You’re really lucky I’m not suede. Because my vagina would be ruined, like how suede gets ruined when it gets wet.” When they start fucking doggy style, the comedian has the guy put one leg up and say, “I’m just like Washington crossing the Delaware!” And when it’s time for the money-shot (on her tits), the guy yells, “Get out of here, sticky ghost babies!” Of course, she doesn’t miss a beat: “My tits are their graveyard!”

Want us to show you “how we stayed warm in the military”? We can make you “wish you had fifty tits!”

Check out the video of comedians feeding porn stars their lines here:

And you can read more here:  https://distractify.com/humor/2016/02/26/mustafa-comedian-porn-narration

Skype Sex Confessions

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Oh, the joys of Skype sex! Whether you’re trying to keep the spark alive in a long-distance relationship, or trying to, um, “get to know someone better,” Skype sex definitely gets the job done. Here are 7 people’s confessions about their experiences with Skype sex.

“The best part about Skype sex is that you don’t have to cuddle afterwards.”
True. You also don’t have to sneak away early in the morning…

“Long distance Skype sex is the worst. His battery died but my libido didn’t….”
Quick, somebody get that man an outlet!

“I have weekly Skype sex with a stunning married woman. She says it actually saved her marriage.”
Skype sex saves the day again!

“I once had Skype sex with 2 guys back to back. One was my ex, the other was a stranger.”
Sounds like you had a very fun and productive day!

“My bf came twice from our Skype sex tonight and all I did was moan.”
A sexy success story!

“Just realized: I’ve had Skype sex with a guy in Ireland, Scotland, and England. Now I just have Canada and Australia to check off my list.”
Around the world in 30 days!

“Skype sex is only good for so long. It just makes me crave him more than ever.”
Well, yeah. That’s the point!

In the mood for some long-distance lovin’? We can keep your libido charged all night long!

Screen+Shot+2016-03-09+at+11.13.17+AMCheck out more Skype sex confessions by clicking on the dial pad!