Category: Off Topic

You Can Now Get a Dick In Your Latte

Uncensored Image from Instagram User: @dicklatte
Uncensored Image from Instagram User: @dicklatte

If you’re a latte drinker, you probably already know that the latte art obsession has officially peaked. These days, it’s no longer hip to get your coffee decorated with a carefully crafted kitty or flower design. Instead, dick lattes are the new hot thing. Because, really, who doesn’t want a dick first thing in the morning to start their day off right?

“The next time you get your cup of joe, take a second look before you put the lid on, you might find yourself face to face with a beautiful penis crafted from foam,” reports Your Tango. And in case you’re dying to see these dick java masterpieces, obviously the internet has you covered (see dick pics below). There’s one with spiky balls and a veiny shaft that ejaculates adorable fluffy hearts. Another coffee-cock resides peacefully among a soft meadow of flowers. Coffee fiend or no, it’s too bad dicks don’t actually shoot cute hearts and flowers!

A photo posted by @dicklatte on

A photo posted by @dicklatte on

A photo posted by @dicklatte on

A photo posted by @dicklatte on


Looking for a little pick me up yourself? We’ve got everything you need to get your day started right!

Check out more about dick lattes here: https://www.yourtango.com/2016293361/best-dick-latte-pictures-penis-art-coffee

You’ve Never Seen Anything Like This Artist’s Erotic, Surreal Tumblr

NSFW Girls UnawareA Hamburg-based male artist, who chooses to remain anonymous, is behind the fantastical freakiness Girls Unawares, the Tumblr that remixes body parts into monstrous creations. The Tumblr is both an erotic celebration and a radical project in the name of self-love and acceptance. “Sure, masturbate or let someone you love choke you. Your body hair, stretch marks and freckles are beautiful!” says the artist.

He uses clay to make such works as an erect cock in a priest’s robe, arms wide open like Christ the Redeemer. You’ll also find bright, candy-striped toothpaste neatly being squeezed out of an anus and onto a toothbrush! Other uncanny creations include a pussy with cat whiskers, a cigarette-smoking vayjayjay, and a butthole serving up frozen yogurt! The artist takes cues from the generation of virtual activists and creatives he finds on Tumblr, who reject white-washed images of “artificially beautified bodies” and instead go for “radical acceptance”: “They use BDSM as their playground or just as a fashion statement. And most importantly, they want to decide for themselves about their bodies and their sexuality.” Nothing weird about that!

Want to have some fantastically freaky experiences yourself? Let’s get weird and wild!

Check out the erotic, surreal works of Girls Unawares: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/artist-will-turn-your-tumblr-profile-into-a-freaky-nsfw-surrealist-masterpiece_us_57588a79e4b00f97fba73231

GlowFYourself Sells the Most Innovative Butt Plugs Around—on Etsy

iusa_400x400.36145780_sh3yEtsy is home to some of the craftiest and best DIY goods on the internet—or anywhere! So it (sort of?) makes sense that the online crafts store now also sells some of the world’s most innovative hand-crafted butt plugs! GlowFYourself is a treasure trove of creative, quirky, and multi-use sex toys. They delight the senses and offer consumers the holy trinity of dildo/vibrator/butt plug all in one toy. Not only that, but they also have other uses as well, such as the popular USB butt plug. There’s even a beer pong butt plug!

“We’ve recently put together some brand new stuff such as the Booty Pop, which is a reusable Popsicle mold/butt plug and the Booty Binky,” says Portland-based artist and founder of GlowFYourself, Jesse Lindsay. His provocative sex toys are truly one of a kind, and he’s always churning out new products that raise the butt plug bar. He’s currently at work on a GPS butt plug, and a Swiss army knife butt plug, which he won’t sell until it’s 100% safe and usable. Sadly, he’s retired the infamous light saber dildo, but fear not: “it’s dangerous to go alone, and I’m always down to weaponize and light up some sex toys!”

Looking for a treasure trove of sexy innovation? Come get creative with us!

Check out more about GlowFYourself’s amazing, multi-use butt plugs here!

Thoughts Everyone Has Had During Sex

Does this sex thought sound familiar?: “Does my moaning sound weird?” What about this: “Calm down, you’re gonna break my dick!” In Buzzfeed’s latest video, all of the strange, random, worried thoughts you’ve probably had during sex at one time or another are verbalized—one humping person at a time. Here are some highlights (check out the video below).

First up, the worried thoughts: “Am I too loud?”; “Are my roommates home?”; “Can my neighbors see though my blinds?” Then it’s on to the hopes: “I hope he doesn’t expect me to talk dirty”; “I have to fart—I hope it’s silent…”; “I hope I don’t pee on you.” There’s even a “pets” category: “I wish that cat would stop staring at me.” And of course, there’s regrets: “Oooh. Fuck—I just thought about my ex!” Finally, we end on curiosity: “I wonder how many calories I’m burning?”; “I wonder what my O face looks like?”; “Do we cuddle now?”

Wondering how you stack up in the sack? Fear not—there’s no cats or nosey neighbors here!

Check out more thoughts everyone has had during sex: https://www.buzzfeed.com/kanediep/31-things-that-cross-everyones-mind-during-sex?utm_term=.es94LmDEGJ#.yyMknE6aJ4

8 People Confessed the Strangest Things They’ve Said During Orgasm

As anyone who’s ever yelled something outrageous while cumming understands, it’s impossible to be self-possessed during an orgasm. Whether it’s calling out your ex’s name or something totally strange, you’ve probably said some less-than-ideal things while climaxing. Here are some strange things people said during orgasm on Whisper.

  1. “I screamed out that I wanted to be a woman during sex with my wife last night….”
    The mind has a mind of its own during orgasm!
  2. “When he was about to orgasm, he screamed ‘Yes Brittany!’ at the top of his lungs. My name’s not Brittany. That’s his sister. FML.”
    Freudian slip?
  3. “I didn’t realize how much I loved learning about communism until I screamed out Josef Stalin during orgasm.”
    This guy gives new meaning to the term “history buff!”
  4. “My boyfriend yelled, ‘For Narnia!’, once when we were having sex.”
    Well, sex can make you feel like a warrior!
  5. “My girlfriend and I were having sex last night. She screamed out her own name…”
    That’s one way to toot your own horn!
  6. “One time I was thinking about cereal during sex and screamed out Cap’n Crunch as I came.”
    The Cap’n makes it happen!
  7. “He lasted 2 minutes, yelled ‘I won!’ as he finished and then fell asleep.”
    Definitely doesn’t sounds like a winner to us…
  8. “My ex asked me to call him Santa Claus during sex. I screamed ‘Fuck me Santa!’”
    And a VERY merry Christmas to you!

Looking to have an outrageous experience yourself? We can make you yell about stranger stuff than cereal here!

h/t: Distractify

The Dildo Selfie Stick Will Capture All Your Most Exciting Moments

Screenshot via YouTube.com | dildoeverything

These days, many people are all too eager to share every detail of their lives on social media. So it makes sense that the next step in the selfie movement would be even more, er, intimate. Introducing the Dildo Selfie Stick – a bog-standard selfie stick with a sex toy stuck on the end!

“What if you could capture one of life’s greatest moments with the push of a button?” asks a dead-pan woman in the promotional ad. “It’s the first selfie stick where you can actually, well, stick it.” If you’ve been dying to share what you look like cumming, the dildo selfie stick is the perfect sex toy for you. “At the moment of climax, the user presses the button to snap a pic of their O face,” the woman explains. You can even switch out your sex toys at the end of the stick to add some spice to your selfies!

Unfortunately for all you exhibitionist/selfie fans, the product’s a joke. But we could see how a product that lets you “stick it up your….” and then share the moment with the entire internet would be real.

Want to experience one of life’s greatest moments? You don’t need a selfie stick to get your O face on!

Check out more about the Dildo Selfie Stick here or watch the video below:

9 Hilarious Tweets About Masturbating

Image Source: Flickr.com | User: rccola159When it comes to cracking jokes about jerking off, you just have to give a hand (see what we did there?) to these witty people writing hilarious tweets about masturbating. As one Twitter user says, masturbation is really just a “VERY poorly attended orgy.” Here are 9 hilarious tweets about masturbating.

  1. “Good term for masturbation I just thought of – Jackin’ the peen stalk”
    Gotta climb to the top of the peen stalk and wrestle the one-eyed ogre to get that golden goose!
  2. “My caught masturbating face is exactly the same as my caught jamming out to NSYNC face because they’re simultaneous.”
    We don’t know, the latter might be more embarrassing…
  3. “Who called it “Masturbation tips for women” rather than ‘Dildos and Dildon’ts’.”
    It’s funny cause it’s true!
  4. “If there’s a sock on my doorknob it means I’m having sex with the other one.”
    Make sure you knock before entering!
  5. “If these walls could talk I’d almost certainly masturbate less.”
    Good thing they can’t—no reason to stop jerkin’ it!
  6. “Do guys have a go to masturbation sock like I do with shoesHAHAHA I’M KIDDING! I would never! I’m a lady.

    It’s an adorable strappy sandal.”
    Talk about a foot fetish!
  7. “The first rule of masturbation club is to come alone.#NationalMasturbationDay”
    The second rule of masturbation club: You do not talk about masturbation club—unless you’re cracking jokes about it on Twitter!
  8. “Is ‘toot my own horn’ a euphemism for masturbating yet?”
    It is now!
  9. “My friends gave me a bunch of sex toys for my birthday as a ‘joke.’ I can’t stop laughing*

    *masturbating”
    The gift that keeps on giving, er, receiving?

Looking to find some good lovin’ without the aid of a sock? We don’t mean to toot our own horn, but a NiteFlirt party is SO much better than a party of one!

Check out more hilarious tweets about masturbating here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/tweets-about-masturbating-that-are-just-really-really-fun#.iaDVgWbqox

Dildo Drone Is the Perfect Sex Toy For Masturbating Multitaskers

Image Source: YouTube.com | User: Dildo Everything

Ever wanted to indulge in other pleasures at the same time you get off? Well now you can, thanks to the latest in hands-free sex toys that’s promising to fly off the adult store shelves: the Dildo Drone. That’s right, the Dildo Drone is the must-have device for all those multitasking masturbators out there!

In the Dildo Drone’s promotional video (watch below), a very happy customer sits back as her flying drone dildo allows her to simultaneously satisfy all her sinful pleasures: drinking a beer, eating a hamburger, and getting fucked by a dildo! “You know the problem with dildos is that you have to use one or both hands to get the job done. But what if I wanted to eat this burger and drink this beer at the same time?” she says. “Now I can enjoy three of my favorite things at the exact same time: beer, burger, dildo.” Unfortunately for the beer, burger, and dildo lovers out there, the video is a gag. One can always dream, though.

Looking to indulge all your pleasures? We can make you feel like you’re experiencing all of your favorite things at the same time here!

Check out more about the Dildo Drone by clicking here or watch the video below.

This Is What Happens When Comedians Feed Porn Stars Their Lines

Image Source: Screen captures from YouTube via DistractifyEver wonder what the people are talking about during the part of the porno you always fast forward through? Well, in a new Comedy Central video, two comedians feed porn stars their lines in real time, while they are fucking, and the result is hilarious. Here are some of the most ridiculous lines they tell the adult entertainers to say during “the action” scenes (watch the video below).

When the guy enters the room he says, “This is the part of the porno everyone fast forwards through. So we can say whatever we want. Obama’s a Muslim.” Later, once the lady takes off her shirt, he decides it’s time to get this party started: “People are gonna start watching the porno now, so we should do sex.” Then he goes down on her, and she says, “You’re really lucky I’m not suede. Because my vagina would be ruined, like how suede gets ruined when it gets wet.” When they start fucking doggy style, the comedian has the guy put one leg up and say, “I’m just like Washington crossing the Delaware!” And when it’s time for the money-shot (on her tits), the guy yells, “Get out of here, sticky ghost babies!” Of course, she doesn’t miss a beat: “My tits are their graveyard!”

Want us to show you “how we stayed warm in the military”? We can make you “wish you had fifty tits!”

Check out the video of comedians feeding porn stars their lines here:

And you can read more here:  https://distractify.com/humor/2016/02/26/mustafa-comedian-porn-narration

Inside the Wild ‘Full House’ Porn Parody

Image Source: Screenshot capture from PornHub via The Daily BeastThere are two things Americans love: cheesy ’90s sitcoms about happy, quirky families and porn. So what better way to give the people what they want than with a Full House porn parody? Pornhub’s sex-com is timed to be released with Fuller House, Netflix’s reboot of the popular show. Thankfully, there is nothing family-friendly about the XXX version, Full Holes.

It is, however, full of ’90s nostalgia, as the legendary porn parody director Lee Roy Myers really was a fan of the show: when BJ (aka D.J.) is caught living up to her name, she says that she’s “looser than a pair of Hammer pants!” Full Holes is Pornhub’s first original movie, and since the company refers to itself as the “Netflix of porn,” it makes sense that it would riff on a Netflix original show. “Netflix created the template for successful, original content creation and we’re providing the adult alternative,” says Pornhub Vice President Corey Price. Whether the parody ruins your childhood memories or fulfills all your naughtiest fantasies, you have to appreciate such gems as Kimmy Gobbler’s winning line, “Thanks for the dick, you greasy monkey.” As Uncle Jizzy, er, Jessie, would say: “Have pussy!”

In the mood to fulfill all your wildest fantasies? Let us just say, “You got it, dude!”

Check out more about the Full House porn parody here: https://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/02/27/inside-the-wild-full-house-porn-parody.html