Man Discovers His Grandfather Using His Sex Toy As Vase for Grandmother’s Ashes

3048138225_487c3204c1_zYou can imagine a man’s surprise to discover his Tenga sex toy was being used as a vase to hold his grandmother’s ashes. The Japanese man noticed the striped bright red device with fresh flowers poking out the top on his grandfather’s altar. The grandson found out that his grandfather had taken a pair of pliers and torn a hole in the top of the masturbation device to fit the flowers in.

The grandson joked on Twitter: “Of course, if Tengas came with a large opening at the tip, they would be extremely messy to use for their original purpose.” Twitter users suggested the grandfather may have read the word ‘Tenga’ printed on the side, and assumed it was just the Japanese word meaning ‘grace’ or ‘elegance.’ The grandson revealed he has since gotten rid of the makeshift vase – but was too embarrassed to tell his grandfather what it really was.

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Check out more about a man discovering his grandfather using his sex toy as a vase for his grandmother’s ashes: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6772375/Japanese-man-discovers-grandfather-using-sex-toy-vase-grandmothers-ashes.html

Widow Sues For ‘Loss Of Sex’ After Husband Dies

jean_koulevThe widow of a man who died after suffering brain damage during hospital treatment is suing the government for $1.2 million over a loss of sex. She says in addition to the distress her husband’s death has caused her, a loss of “consortium,” or sex, has caused her additional suffering. The woman alleges that she now experiences “nervous shock” as a result of not being able to fuck her dead husband.

“If we’re talking about conjugal rights he’d be worth about $3 million, he’s an Italian stallion, mate,” she said. The woman explains her dearly departed was an extremely well-endowed sex god. If losing him weren’t bad enough, she now has the extra burden of being without his dick.

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Check out more about a woman suing over a loss of sex with her dead husband: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6720721/Widow-suing-government-1-2million-loss-sex-husbands-death.html

Couple’s Dog Rips Open Neighbor’s Package And Finds A Dildo Inside

Images Source: Primal HardwereYou can imagine a couple’s surprise after their dog ripped open a package meant for a neighbor and discovered a six-inch dildo. They took the package in for the neighbor and thought it would be safe tucked behind the front door. Then they discovered their dog had ripped it open and had been playing with the bright pink sex toy inside.

Of course, they filmed the dog lying next to the “toy” wagging her tail and surrounded by pieces of ripped up cardboard. “She’s chewed it up. It’s chewable and rubber like a toy. She looked so proud of herself. She came over like ‘are you going to throw it for me?’” says the man. The video’s gone viral, but the anonymous, embarrassed neighbor wants to keep what little remains of her privacy.

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Check out more about a dog playing with a neighbor’s dildo: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6708371/Labrador-rips-open-neighbours-parcel-finds-bright-pink-sex-toy.html

Sex Is Ruining One Of The Most Popular Nude Beaches In The World

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 4.12.01 PMFrisky tourists hooking up on Ibiza’s most famous nudist beach is causing massive damage to the island’s protected sand dunes. Environmentalists say sex on the beach is to blame for the erosion of the famous, but delicate, dunes which are part of Ses Salines Natural Park. Geologists and biologists explain that the excessive sexual activity is causing damage which can’t be undone and has turned the zone into an “outdoor riding arena.”

Sexual activity is “degrading” the landscape and a unique geological system. This is because frequent sex is uprooting fragile plants on the sand which are vital for the environment. Websites promote Es Cavallet as “an ideal place to walk naked and look for a lover” among the sand dunes. “If you feel like it, you can walk through the dunes in search of ‘adventures’”.

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Check out more about how sex is ruining a famous nude beach: https://nypost.com/2019/01/30/sex-is-ruining-one-of-the-most-popular-nude-beaches-in-the-world/

Porn Company Offers Fiji Water Girl $100,000

cup-1010916_1920Porn mega-site xHamster is always looking for the next big thing in porn. So when they saw the now internet-famous, photobombing “Fiji Water Girl” at the Golden Globes they immediately thought of all the dirty things she could represent. The porn company liked her so much they offered her a $100,000 contract!

XHamster tweeted out that they loved Fiji Water Girl and offered her 100k to keep performers fully “hydrated.” While the company didn’t elaborate on what “hydrated” entails, it’s not hard to use your imagination. After all, what could be more important than “hydration” on a porn set?

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Check out more about xHamster offering Fiji Water Girl a 100k contract:https://www.buzzfeed.com/joshuagmoradel/fiji-water-girl-porn-company-offers-100000-golden-globes

Donald Trump’s Televised Address Gets ‘Sex Tape Audio’ Edit

white-male-1834072_640Many Americans opted not to watch President Donald Trump’s Oval Office address—including porn star Stormy Daniels, who live-streamed herself folding laundry during the speech. It seems people on Twitter had a more entertaining idea for how to watch the footage: stripping the words to show only Trump’s breathing and sniffing. The result, as one Twitter user says, is “Donald Trump ASMR my new worst obsession.”

The oval office “sex tape audio” edit inevitably prompted some amusing responses online: “This was actually the sex tape audio with Stormy Daniels, same duration and sign off.” Another tweet said, “I watched all of this and none of the original, but feel like I heard the best parts anyway.” Or to put it another way: “this is what hold music sounds like in hell.”

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Check out more about Donald Trump’s speech getting a sex tape audio edit:https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-oval-office-address-edited_us_5c35ba83e4b0f5aba7d9a087

Tumblr Porn Bots Have Started Commenting On Horror Art Posts

7350054890_99bf861756_oA horror artist who posts on Tumblr got a comment that was actually stranger than his spooky work. It seems one of the site’s infamous porn bots added the caption “Come to me and get a good fuck.” Obviously, it went viral, and was shared over 9,000 times by tickled Twitter users who saw the artist’s Tumblr.

As one tweet said, the comment really puts “the ‘head’ in ‘siren head.’” Another user quipped, “Ol’ grandpa slime needs a hoggin.’” But we can only guess—as one astute tweet pointed out—that horror and porn is probably someone’s kink!

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Check out more about Tumblr porn bots commenting on horror art posts:https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/krishrach/tumblr-porn-bot-art-stolen

Trump Praises Antonin Scalia’s Sex Life At Medal Of Freedom Ceremony

nsfw-blogAt the Presidential Medal of Freedom ceremony, Donald Trump honored what was really important in the life of late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. In a release for the ceremony, Trump said Scalia was “one of the greatest Supreme Court justices in American history” who “never backed down from the bedrock proposition that the Constitution ‘means and will always mean what it meant when it was adopted.’” But what Trump really wanted to honor was how Scalia made the bed rock.

While reading the names of Scalia’s nine children, he turned to Scalia’s wife. “You were very busy, wow,” the president said. “Wow. I always knew I liked him.” As Daily Dot says, “The late Antonin Scalia: Supreme Court Justice, Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient, and person who the president is proud of for fucking a lot.” God bless America!

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Check out more about Trump praising Antonin Scalia’s sex life: https://www.dailydot.com/layer8/trump-scalia-sex/

Naked Man Who Jumped Into Aquarium Shark Tank Wanted By Police

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_mermaid_trina_masonA man made a big splash recently when he dived naked into an aquarium shark tank in Toronto. “After purchasing a ticket, he immediately disrobed and proceeded to climb over the security barrier into the exhibit,” aquarium officials said. Witnesses got a video of the man swimming nude in the shark tank while a security guard yells at him to get out of the water (watch below).

At one point, the man got out of the pool, only to dive back in again to a cheering crowd. According to one visitor, the man seemed completely relaxed while skinny dipping with sharks in the aquarium’s “Dangerous Lagoon.” Police were notified of the incident, but the man got away before an arrest could be made: “We arrived on scene within seven minutes and he was already gone,” said a police officer. “There were no injuries to the man, animals or patrons.”

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Check out more about a naked man who jumped into an aquarium shark tank: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/naked-man-swim-sharks-toronto-ripleys_us_5bc502a5e4b055bc9478c5b8

Dennis Hof Elected To Nevada State Assembly Even Though He’s Dead

wtf-1780728_640Brothel owner Dennis Hof recently won the election for the Nevada State Assembly—even though he’s dead. The famous pimp turned Trump-inspired Republican candidate owned multiple brothels in Nevada, including Cat House, which became an HBO late-night series. Hof, who called himself the “Trump of Pahrump,” was found dead the morning after his birthday party by porn star Ron Jeremy, a close friend.

By the time he was confirmed deceased, it was too late to take his name off the ballot. The Republican candidate was highly inspired by President Donald Trump, and decided to change his career from “brothel owner” to “political candidate”. The county commissioners will appoint someone who is in the same party as Hof to fill the seat.

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Check out more about deceased Dennis Hof winning the Nevada State Assembly: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/alexislevinson/dennis-hof-midterm-elections-pimp