Category: LOL!

Porn Star Gets Police HQ Tour

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_sexy_police_officerA high-ranking NYPD officer gave a German porn star an intimate tour of department headquarters—behind the back of the police commissioner. “He brought her there on a day he knew the commissioner wouldn’t be there,” said an insider. The officer even posed for a photo alongside retired skin-flick star Annina Ucatis in the lobby of One Police Plaza.

The officer was helping out buddies from an out-of-state department when he hooked Ucatis up with the tour of a corner of the city most New Yorkers never see, sources said. The officer was also photographed huddling up with the one-time star of 2009’s “Big Tit A-List” inside 55 Broadway, home to the clandestine Security Coordination Center. The insider added that the commissioner is “not happy.”

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Check out more about an NYPD officer giving a porn star a private tour of police headquarters: https://nypost.com/2019/10/23/porn-stars-police-hq-tour-set-up-behind-commissioners-back-by-nypd-big-shot/

‘SNL’ Made A Hilarious Joke About Elizabeth Warren’s BDSM Sex Scandal

7350054890_99bf861756_oKate McKinnon brought back her spot-on Elizabeth Warren impersonation on SNL—and of course joked about the presidential hopeful’s recent sex “scandal.” Jacob Wohl and his lobbyist sidekick Jack Burkman claimed that Warren was a polyamorous BDSM aficionado. The skit started by pointing out, “you’ve been in the news this week when a fringe conspiracy theorist accused you of having a BDSM relationship with a 24-year-old marine.”

Warren responds with, “That’s Elizabeth Warren’s vibe for sure. Transactional sex with a younger man. Look, rumors have power when they feel true. What has ever felt less true than any single part of that?” She adds, “Also, 24? Any man younger than me by more than one day is my grandson.” She ends with, “Part of that is true. I am into BDSM. Bank destroying and saving medicare!”

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Check out more about the SNL skit joking about Elizabeth Warren’s BDSM sex ‘scandal’: https://mashable.com/video/elizabeth-warren-sex-scandal-snl-weekend-update/

Jacob Wohl Strikes Again With Kamala Harris Sex Scandal

wtf-1780728_640Far-right conspiracy theorist Jacob Wohl is back at his democratic smear campaign, this time targeting 2020 presidential hopeful Kamala Harris. He claims he has allegations of involvement in “a series of sexcapades” with Shawn Newaldass, a 26-year-old personal trainer. At a press conference, Newaldass took to the podium to share his story of “sexcapades,” which featured one encounter where Harris supposedly asked for him to “arrange a small orgy.”

Harris’ accuser claims they had a total of 11 “sexual encounters,” taking place in hotels in Iowa; Washington, D.C.; and New York City.  During their third encounter, Newaldass shared that Harris had instructed him to bring “two Black males” to the Willard Hotel in D.C. Halfway through the press conference, a man appeared to deliver a cease-and-desist order, which Wohl claimed was from the Harris campaign.

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Check out more about Jacob Wohl targeting Kamala Harris in a sex scandal: https://www.dailydot.com/layer8/jacob-wohl-kamala-harris/

Documentary Explores Kinksters Who Marry Their Sex Dolls

woman-1990228_640A new documentary on Starz called “Silicone Soul” focuses on the people who literally love their sex dolls. The documentary delves into the subculture of proto-robot relationships, which are typically made up of heterosexual men who fall for fake women. The devoted sex-doll kinksters even go so far as to marry their realistic-looking plastic partners, who provide both emotional and sexual comfort.

One man paid around $6,000 each for his “wife” and “girlfriend,” who are in a “hierarchical polyamorous relationship.” He says, “we’re all in love, it’s all equal, but [the wife] is number one.” The documentary also shows a couple who used the dolls to spice up their sex life and saved their marriage. “It’s just a matter of time before people say ‘OK, this whole synthetic option that he keeps going on about is something that I should look into,’” says one of the kinksters who’s an advocate for “synthetic love.”

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Check out more about a documentary exploring kinksters’ relationships with their sex dolls: https://nypost.com/2019/10/07/these-men-love-their-sex-doll-wives-and-dont-care-who-knows/

Best Movie Sex Scene Of The Year Features Mermaid Sex

woman-609252_640The new movie The Lighthouse, which stars Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe, delivers on weird, kinky sex scenes. According to the film’s director, “On day one we shot Rob masturbating in the shed—it’s the very first thing we shot—and Rob really, really went for it. And you know, it was inspiring.” In the movie’s craziest sex scene, a very horny Robert Pattinson fantasies about fucking a mermaid.

The mermaid spreads her tail to reveal an elaborate mermaid pussy. As Pattinson fucks her in the sand, a series of erotic images flash onscreen, from slippery tentacles to the mermaid’s pussy in extreme close-up. “The design of the mermaid’s genitals—based on shark labias—was all planned out, and what we call the ‘seafood salad’ shots, or the writhing tentacles and fish, those were tricky to figure out on the day,” explained the director.

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Check out more about a mermaid sex scene in the new film The Lighthouse: https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-lighthouse-robert-pattinson-gets-weird-in-the-most-bonkers-movie-sex-scene-of-the-year

10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids

If you’re a parent, you know the often hilarious truth about sex after kids. As one tweet accurately puts it, “Your sex life as a parent basically becomes ‘Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep.’” Here are the funniest tweets from parents about post-kids sex.

  1. “If your sexytime music is cartoons playing loudly outside your locked door, you might be a parent.”
    Mood music!
  2. “Husband and I wrestled behind closed doors this morning. My daughter busted in and pounced on his back.
    No one won the wrestling match. No one.”
    Time for a rematch?
  3. “Me: Do that thing I like
    Husband: [takes the kids and leaves]”
    Sexy!
  4. “[Married pillow-talk]
    Husband: What’s your deepest fantasy?
    Me: That when our kids eat dinner they don’t leave any crumbs under the table.”
    Dirty talk indeed!
  5. “Being married with children is like being a teenager again. You can only have sex if you sneak around and don’t get caught.”
    That can be hot!
  6. “Be sure to keep the spark alive by texting him sexy little nothings like,
    ‘We need to check the kids for lice’ and ‘please buy tampons.'”
    A truly generous lover!
  7. “Having sex when you’re a parent is like trying to shoot from half court with 3 seconds left on the clock.”
    Score!
  8. “Before kids: shower sex
    After kids: shower decontamination.”
    Dangerous when wet!
  9. “Him: What are you wearing?
    Me: Medical-grade hospital socks with anti-slip technology.”
    There is probably a fetish for that…
  10. “The best thing about sex after kids is probably no matter where in your house or car you do it, you end up with legos, Barbie shoes, or Shopkins lodged in your body.”
    Professional hazards.

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Check out more funny tweets about sex after kids: https://www.buzzfeed.com/asiawmclain/funny-sex-after-kids-tweets

Elizabeth Warren Tweets About ‘Cougars’ To Make Fun Of Sex Scandal

cup-1010916_1920Elizabeth Warren joked about claims by two right wing conspiracy theorists that she paid for the services of a 25-year-old male escort by tweeting about her college football team – the Houston Cougars. Warren’s accuser Kelvin Whelly, a bodybuilding former US Marine, was paraded in front the media with a sign reading ‘Elizabeth Warren Cougar?’ behind him. Whelly said he met the senator through a male escort website, Cowboys4Angels, and that their sex sessions included bondage and sex toys.

The ex-Marine told the media Warren messaged him saying that he should ‘bring toys’ and that he should surprise her. He went on to claim Warren was into bondage and ‘violent’ sexual tendencies, with the pair having ‘many BDSM sessions’ together. Warren responded on Twitter: “It’s always a good day to be reminded that I got where I am because a great education was available for $50 a semester at the University of Houston (go Cougars!). We need to cancel student debt and make college free for everyone who wants it.”

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Check out more about Elizabeth Warren tweeting about Cougars: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7538349/Elizabeth-Warren-makes-fun-allegations-bondage-sex-sessions-bodybuilding-ex-marine.html

Research Reveals How ‘Sexercise’ Burns Calories Depending On The Position

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_sex9Research conducted by 24/7 Fitness reveals how sex—and different sex positions—burns calories and ups your fitness level. When it come to “sexercise,” the standing position burns the most calories, with an expressive 343 calories between both partners. Spooning got last place when it comes to helping couples get fit between the sheets, with just 56 calories burned between both partners during a 30-minute fuck fest.

Men had the highest potential for calorie burning when in the standing (198 calories), wheelbarrow (167 calories) and legs akimbo (153 calories) positions. Meanwhile, women had the highest calorie burning potential with squatting (188 calories), wheelbarrow (149 calories) and lotus (287 calories). Commenting on the results, 24/7 Fitness explained: ‘Sex revs up your heart rate, increases blood flow and improves flexibility. You will achieve a greater range of motion during your workout and get better results.’

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Check out more about how sex burns calories and increases your fitness level: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7533699/How-calories-burn-sex-revealed.html

Elizabeth Warren Sex Scandal Claim Debunked With Instagram Photo

cup-1010916_1920Far-right conspiracy theorist Jacob Wohl held a press conference in which Wohl claimed bombshell information about a sex scandal involving Elizabeth Warren would be released. Wohl made the claim that Warren’s alleged accuser, a 24-year-old former Marine named Kelvin Whelly, had a scar on his back from their tryst–and he even had the accuser take off his shirt. Wohl also talked about a lime green dildo purchased on Amazon.

A journalist debunked the story within moments on Twitter, pointing out Whelly’s Instagram in which he claimed he got the scar in an accident completely unassociated with Warren. The journalist wrote, “The supposed ‘sex scar’ from Jacob Wohl’s accuser is just from a chain from a swingset. Asked about this, the accuser just shrugged.” A Twitter user laughingly pointed out, “Jacob Wohl’s fake Warren sex scandal guy has a Vin Diesel XXX tattoo.”

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Check out more about an Elizabeth Warren sex scandal debunked: https://www.dailydot.com/layer8/jacob-wohl-elizabeth-warren-botched-press-conference/

Women Can Now Buy A Sponge To Clean Up Cum After Sex

Image Source: New York Post

A new sponge designed for cum is promising to “simplify after sex clean up.” The “come&gone” sponge allows women to “quickly mop up all the excess fluids” from the comfort of their beds. Shaped a little bit like a tampon, the sponge is made from sterile, medical-grade material and all you need to do is “insert, swirl, remove, and toss.”

Come&gone’s creator explained, “The more I spoke with other women about my problem, the product, and how ridiculous I thought it was that there was no hack for this, I realized I wasn’t alone.” Some customers seem to like the sponge: “The come&gone is amazing! This product makes the post-sex clean up so quick and so simple.” Others have pointed out that single-use sponges—aside from being bad for the environment—are unnecessary: “If you find ‘the drip’ unbearable then you might consider using condoms, or keeping a box of tissues by the side of the bed.”

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Check out more about the after-sex sponge: https://nypost.com/2019/10/03/genius-or-needless-women-can-now-buy-a-sponge-to-simplify-after-sex-clean-up