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Sacha Baron Cohen Tricks Pro-Gun Advocate Into Putting A Strap-On In His Mouth

Sacha Baron Cohen has tricked yet another conservative celebrity into doing the unthinkable in front of the camera—this time, with a strap-on. In a recent episode of Showtime’s “Who Is America,” Cohen disguised himself as an Israeli counter-terrorist expert to trick gun advocate Dan Roberts to “go for the groin” if ever faced with a terrorist attack. To demonstrate the tactic, he used a strap-on dildo, which he instructed Roberts to chomp down on. Hard.

In the now infamous video, Cohen stands above Roberts, with the huge prosthetic dick wagging around near Robert’s face. When Cohen yells “attack!”, Roberts, on his knees, lunges for the strap-on, taking it in his mouth with zeal. He then says—with a huge dick in his mouth—“my mouth is big enough for two of these!”

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Check out more about a pro-gun advocate taking a strap-on in his mouth: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tricked-with-a-sex-toy_us_5b71ba93e4b0c3710f82f0d3

Pornhub Thanks Kanye West With Lifetime Free Membership

It’s always nice to know you’re appreciated—especially when gratitude comes in the form of a lifetime of free porn. Outspoken rapper Kayne West recently expressed his love of Pornhub when he appeared on Jimmy Kimmel. West admitted that “Blacked” was his favorite category—and of course, Pornhub was listening loud and clear.

The adult entertainment site relayed its appreciation to Kanye for his loyalty over the years, tweeting: “A gift in the form of a free lifetime premium membership. Here’s to you, Ye.” But that’s not all—the CEO of the XXX studio Blacked also expressed his gratitude for the shout out with a similar lifetime porn offer. Obviously, West happily accepted both porn sites’ generous offers.

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Check out more about Pornhub and Blacked offering Kanye West lifetime free memberships: https://www.dailydot.com/upstream/kanye-west-pornhub/

9 Mind-Blowing(ly Funny) Sex Jokes

When it comes to sex, feisty Twitter users want to make us scream—with laughter, that is. That’s right, the dirty joksters of Twitter are at it again, and this time they’re really bringing the raunchiness. Here are 9 sex jokes that are sure to blow your mind:

“[during sex]
her: call me names
me: george.”
Well, at least you didn’t call her by the wrong name…
“Day 126 with no sex. I’ve lost hearing in my right eye.”
Not having sex is dangerous, people!
“The strap on the back of crocs is so they stay on during sex.”
Adventurous!
“[After sex] Sorry I was clapping so much.”
Bravo, you sex machine, you!
“Sex is a lot like Mario Kart, you go really fast, you throw some bananas, Wario is there.”
Naughty, naughty Mario!
“Shower sex is overrated fuck me in the microwave.”
Hot!
“[during sex]
her: i want you to hurt me
me: your sister’s more successful than you
her: wait
me: not a big fan of the new haircut
her: stop.”
Kinky!
“casual sex means you get to wear jeans during it.”
Ummm….
“[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] ‘Go on without me.'”
Not much of a go-get-er, eh?

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Check out more Twitter sex jokes: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jamiejones/jokes-about-sex-that-will-have-you-screaming

Couple Seeks Videographer For Wedding-Night Sex Tape

One couple wants to document a lot more than just their wedding day. They’ve wisely bought an ad for a videographer to film their wedding-night sex tape. “In an advertisement published on a UK odd jobs site, the bride-to-be offered nearly $3,700 to a film professional willing to work 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. on her wedding night, capturing some X-rated footage,” reports NY Post.

“Both myself and my fiancé believe that your wedding day shouldn’t just be limited to a day and actually your wedding night is just as important,” the ad reads. The post goes on to detail the privacy requirements to ensure the video is for the happy couple’s eyes only, as well as listing some of the key shots that will need to be captured. Though the internet has had many things to say about hiring someone to videotape a sex tape, we think it’s a great way to get some, ahem, bang for your buck on the big day!

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Check out more about a couple looking for a videographer to film their wedding-night sex tape: https://nypost.com/2018/08/01/couple-takes-out-wanted-ad-for-someone-to-film-wedding-night-sex-tape/

Seth Rogan Taught Tom Cruise About Internet Porn

It’s hard to remember a time before internet porn. But as it turns out, back in 2006, a not-super-famous Seth Rogan introduced a very-very-famous Tom Cruise to XXX videos online. It was all revealed when Judd Apatow, who worked with Seth that year, gave the details on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

The story goes that Judd, Seth, and Tom Cruise were in a meeting when Seth casually started talking about watching porn online. As Judd explains, “Tom Cruise goes, ‘What!? Wait, you’re saying that there’s adult films on the internet?’” Apparently Tom was shocked, adding, “Wait a second, you’re saying that if I go on the computer, on the world wide web, there are people having sex?” This reminds us all that, yes, there was a time before internet porn—but why bother remembering it?

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Check out more about Seth Rogan introducing Tom Cruise to internet porn: https://www.buzzfeed.com/benhenry/seth-rogan-taught-tom-cruise-about-internet-porn

GOP Candidate Posted Bigfoot Erotica On Instagram

There’s one topic that is very important to Virginia Republican candidate Denver Riggleman: Bigfoot erotica. The local politician has recently been called out by his Democratic opponent for posting a very NSFW image of Bigfoot—specifically, his big dick. “Riggleman had already attracted some attention for a now-deleted Facebook page promoting a book called The Mating Habits of Bigfoot and Why Women Want Him, and Cockburn’s tweets just brought it to a wider audience,” reports Daily Dot.

His opponent tweeted: “My opponent Denver Riggleman, running mate of Corey Stewart, was caught on camera campaigning with a white supremacist. Now he has been exposed as a devotee of Bigfoot erotica. This is not what we need on Capitol Hill.” Of course, the internet has responded to this strange occurrence (not unlike Bigfoot sightings). Everyone’s favorite erotica writer, Chuck Tingle, even weighed in on the scandal: “please understand thinking bigfoot is handsome is NORMAL. WE ALL GET HARD AROUND BIGFOOT.” Hopefully, this pressing issue makes it on live TV during the debates.

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Check out more about a GOP candidate posting Bigfoot erotica: https://www.dailydot.com/parsec/bigfoot-erotica-denver-riggleman/

Porn Star Mia Khalifa’s Breast Got Hit By A Hockey Puck

Porn star Mia Khalifa got a lot more than she bargained for at the Stanley Cup recently. She got hit on the breast by a hockey puck going 80 mph, which “deflated” her breast implant. “I was sitting behind the glass during a game, and it came shooting over the glass and it caught me so off guard and I had no idea it was coming,” she said.

“They’re really heavy, it’s pure rubber, they go at about 80mph,” she added. “My left breast is slightly deflated now and I will be getting it fixed next year.” Khalifa’s experience wasn’t all bad, however—as a super fan, she boasted, “I got to take it home, it was the single greatest souvenir any hockey fan can get: a game-used puck that comes at you and hits you,” she said. The once top-ranked performer on Pornhub is now a co-host for sports talk show ‘SportsBall.’ Now that’s a true hockey fan!

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Check out more about Mia Khalifa’s breast getting hit at a hockey game: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6005285/Porn-star-Mia-Khalifa-needs-surgery-breast-hit-hockey-puck-deflated.html

Gardener Fed Up With People Having Sex With His Lady Hedge

A gardener in the UK is not happy about the, ahem, popularity of his “hedge lady.” The sexy hedge sculpture on his lawn has been luring many townspeople—who routinely mount the ornate carving at all hours of the night. The gardener says he’s often woken in the night by the sounds of laughing and rustling, as drunken passersby simulate sex with the “privet lady” he’s cut into his bush.

“I just peered out at about 4:30 in the morning and there was a guy on top of her and going through the motions of having sex with her,” he said. It seems it’s not always men who hump the hedge lady—he’s occasionally witnessed women getting frisky with her, too. That must be one smokin’ hot lawn sculpture!

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Check out more about a gardener fed with people having sex with his lady hedge: https://www.gizmodo.co.uk/2018/07/gardener-fed-up-of-people-having-sex-with-his-lady-hedge/

Sheriff Joe Tricked Into Saying He’d Let Trump Give Him A Blowjob

Sacha Baron Cohen has hoodwinked another conservative celebrity into saying something completely inappropriate. This time, it’s “America’s toughest sheriff” Joe Arpaio saying he would let Trump give him a blowjob. Cohen, playing the part of a Finnish YouTube star, asked: “If Donald Trump calls you up after this and says, ‘Sheriff Joe, I want to offer you an amazing blowjob,’ would you say yes?”

“I may have to say yes,” Arpaio said. Trump pardoned the former Arizona sheriff after he was convicted of criminal contempt for ignoring a court order to stop detaining people based on race. Later in the interview, Cohen asked Arpaio if he knew Trump had had a “golden shower.” Arpaio admitted he became suspicious when the interview questions turned to sex: “I started to get a little angry, a little sad, but I went through it,” he told the Arizona Republic.

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Check out more about Sacha Baron Cohen tricking Sheriff Joe into saying he’d let Trump give him oral sex: https://nypost.com/2018/08/06/sacha-baron-cohen-tricks-sheriff-joe-into-saying-hed-let-trump-perform-oral-sex-on-him/

This Is The Horniest Meme On The Internet

What’s the longest you’ve gone without getting some? If you’re like the rest of us, you’ve probably gone through a “sex dry spell” at one point or another—which is why the “days without sex” meme on Twitter is so relatable and hilarious. Here are the best ones to lighten the mood when you’ve gone too long without some good good lovin’ (check out more below).

“Day 71 without sex: my smart watch thinks I’ve jogged 3 miles today but I haven’t left the house.”
Good way to stay busy when you aren’t getting busy!
“Day 16 without sex and I’m constantly drinking boba just so I can have balls in my mouth.”
Tasty AND resourceful!
“day 187 without sex: I just spit on my popsicle before putting it in my mouth.”
Sexy and sweet!
“Day 213 without sex: plugged my charger into my phone and whispered ‘you like that?’”
Now that’s dirty talking!
“Day 227 without sex : I got excited when the man at subway asked if I wanted 6 inch or 12 x”
Size matters at Subway!
“Day 1738 without sex: threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it’s like to get hit from behind.”
Naughty naughty, Mario!
“Day 0 without sex: life fucks me everyday.”
But sex makes everything better!

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Check out more of the funniest sex dry spell tweets: https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/the-days-without-sex-meme-is-a-hilarious-way-to-roast-your-own-sex-life/