Author: NiteFlirt

The Raciest Lines From the New Fifty Shades of Grey Book

 Screen Shot 2015-07-08 at 2.59.14 PMThe new E.L. James book, Grey, is just as hot and naughty as readers would expect it to be. The book, which re-tells Fifty Shades from Christian Grey’s perspective, has already sold 1.1 million copies—just 4 days after it was released! Readers just can’t seem to get enough of the Fifty Shades, BDSM phenomenon, which is why news outlets like Entertainment Weekly are already compiling lists of the best, raciest lines. Here are some of the jewels:

  1. “Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick.”
  2. “Vanilla sex? Can I do this?”
  3. “Genital clamps—you have got to be kidding me.”
  4. “I drag my hand through my hair, and in as even a tone as I can manage I ask, ‘Are you hungry?’/ ‘Not for food,’ she teases. / Whoa. She might as well be addressing my groin.”
  5. “Oh, this is going to be fun. You’d be amazed what I can do with a few cable ties, baby.”
  6. “’How would you like your eggs?’” / “ ‘Thoroughly whisked and beaten,’ I reply.”
  7. “Oh, this ass is mine, so mine. And it’s going to get warmer.”

Is it getting hot in here? Want to turn up the heat about 50-degrees? Come get steamy with us right here!

Check out more racy lines in Grey here!

Giant Glitter-Spraying Cock Spreads STD Awareness in the Best Possible Way

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How would you react if while having a romantic picnic with your lover a giant cock and balls surprised you from behind by shooting gold glitter at you? Probably first with panic (“Am I asleep? Was I drugged?”), and then most likely with raucous laughter at the WTF moment that literally just climaxed all around you. This is Norway’s brilliant strategy to get young people to take notice of the importance of STD prevention.

The giant glitter-spraying cock is part of a campaign called Penis Can Surprise You aimed at raising awareness about STDs for Norway’s 16-25 demographic. It’s being described as “modern avant-garde creepy-as-fuck,” and while it’s definitely surreal, the rationale behind the ridiculousness is to get young people to pay attention to sexual health in a more, well, urgent way than they would with a billboard or with a traditional advertisement. And according to the giant glitter-spraying cock, aka 19 year old Philip van Eck, there’s nothing more effective than helping others just by “being a dick.”

Well, any giant dick would sure get our attention! Come have some “glitter-spraying” fun with us!

Check out the hilarious video of the stunt.

6 Pieces of Furniture Ranked By Difficulty of Having Sex on Them

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Distractify came up with a comprehensive (and brilliant!) study about the difficulty of getting it on on 13 common pieces of household furniture. Some are silly (a lamp), while others are surprising (it’s harder to fuck in the shower than it is on a toilet). Check out some highlights of the list (and see the entire thing below):

6. Rocking Chair
Even though this seems like it would be the perfect piece of furniture to have sex on (like a sex swing but on the ground), it is surprisingly unruly.
5. Kitchen Counter
While movies would have you believe that the kitchen counter is the hottest place in the house to get it on, one attempt at it will prove Hollywood a big fat liar. Sadly, its hard surface and sharp edges make it unsustainable for a long fuck fest. But it’s still great for foreplay!
4. Shower
Distractify: “A shower is basically a formation of vertical, slippery surfaces upon which you desperately cling for the hope of some traction, but in the end one person always ends up being unable to breathe because they’re under the stream of water, and the other person is exhausted from trying to cling to the tiles.”
3. Toilet
The toilet doesn’t scream romance, and for good reason: the lid’s often loose, the water’s an obstacle, etc. etc.
2. Desk
This one’s a classic—and so hot! The only drawback: the clean-up afterward, since you’ll inevitably be sweeping everything onto the floor in a mad fit of passion!
1. Gliding Foot Rest
Distractify again: “The single greatest piece of furniture to ever be utilized for a romantic occasion…What we once called “doggy style” the foot rest has transformed into a thing of grace. What was once “the missionary”? Now a mesmerizing sexual ballet.”

Feel like utilizing some common household items yourself? We are all about “mesmerizing sexual ballets” here!

Check out the full list!

Tips For Straight Dudes On Ass Play

2360072120_3f5b55c8a6_zIt’s time that straight dudes started trying out the joys of back door fun—on themselves! While heterosexual men are starting to embrace anal more and more, Huffington Post thought it would be helpful to give some tips to make it seem, well, less daunting. So here’s some information from sex experts about what you should know before giving it a try:

First, the anal cavity is similar to the G-spot: the exact same (amazing) sensations can be reached through the back door because it has the most nerve endings of anywhere in the body. There are also many nerve endings around the prostate, which is why some butt plugs are designed to massage the prostate as well as stimulate the deliciously sensitive anal cavity. Second, lube is an important component for an enjoyable back door experience. And it’s a good idea to start by first exploring the nerve endings and sensations on the outside before trying stimulation. Also, start with small, squishy, soft sex toys and work your way up to harder, larger ones to get a feel for what your body likes.

Those are great tips! Feel like experiencing some amazing sensations? We love back door fun here!

Check out more tips and information about anal play for straight dudes here.

The Internet Weighs In On What Makes Someone Great at Sex

jean_koulevBuzzFeed recently asked their readers an important and often debated question: what makes someone great at sex? And from that seemingly simple question, BuzzFeed compiled the answers into a list called “21 Sex Tips That Aren’t Bullshit.” They insist that the list is NOT “a rolodex of sex positions, above-average genitalia, or decades of experience,” but rather an honest response from real, sexual humans on what they value from someone who is very good in bed. Here are some highlights (check out the full list, complete with sexy/silly gifs, below):

  1. Worshipping someone’s body
    Treating someone’s body as the best thing you have ever experienced is perhaps the ultimate indicator of how good you are in bed.
  2. Speaking up during sex
    Someone who’s willing to tell you what they like and dislike or what feels amazing is definitely a turn on!
  3. Being honest about orgasms
    The internet’s advice: stop faking orgasms! One woman says instead of faking it, “Mov[e] your hips or guid[e] them with your hand or moans [to] turn them into great lovers…” Great advice!
  4. Sharing a kink
    Kink is sexy—why not let your partner in on yours?!
  5. Focus on the pleasure, not the end-goal
    Taking the pressure off of cumming really allows you to just focus on the pleasure and enjoy yourself in the moment.
  6. Taking your time
    Don’t rush the foreplay! Have fun and don’t forget all the steps that lead up to the amazing main event: lip biting, earlobe nibbling, grinding—the possibilities are endless!
  7. Being up for anything
    “Being open-minded to trying new things but also knowing the definitive boundaries for each person.” —Alexis Ferguson (Facebook)

Want to have a great sexual experience yourself? We are all about focusing on the pleasure and having a good time here!

Check out BuzzFeed’s “21 Sex Tips That Aren’t Bullshit”

The Most Hilarious Sexual Phrases in Romance Novels

cosmic_banditaWhile writers are known for their creativity, romance writers in particular are known for their ridiculouscreativity when it comes to describing sex (ahem, Fifty Shades of Grey, anyone?). So blogger John Ferri decided to compile lists of the most absurd, hilarious sexual descriptions he found in his wife’s romance novels. Here are some of the gems:

Romance Novel Epithets for the Cock
  1. Rigid source of heat
  2. Engorged flesh
  3. Iron-hard tumescence
  4. Love’s sweet arrow
  5. Plenipotentiary instrument
  6. Molten member
  7. Torrid extension
Romance Novel Epithets for the Pussy
  1. Damp, most needy place
  2. Fiery furnace
  3. Most treasured pearl of passion
  4. Glistening portals of her womanhood
  5. Molten need
Romance Novel Descriptions of Sex
  1. Impaling her on his straining shaft
  2. Plunging hotness penetrated
  3. Possess the lily
  4. Embalming injection
  5. Love’s sweet lava flowed
  6. Staccato spasms
  7. Burned to a cinder

Wow. Some of those descriptions sound dangerous! We don’t know about “writhing with burning caresses” but we would definitely be up for some “lightning bolts of fulfillment!”

Check out more hilarious sexual phrases from romance novels here!

Finally, a Pokemon Porn Parody

PikachuSexIf you love Pokemon, and have always (secretly) fantasized about fucking Pikachu, your prayers have been answered. The makers of such porn parodies as Spongeknob Squarenuts and Bob’s Boners, WoodRocket.com, is pleased to present their latest creation: Strokemon, the Pokemon porn parody. It includes all the Pokemon characters re-imagined as their horny alter egos—Dickachu, Fisty, Gash—and all played by sexy porn stars in ridiculous costumes.

Watching the trailer alone is a strange exercise in getting oddly aroused by silly cartoon characters—especially considering the campy dialogue and shoddy costumes. It’s even trippy like the cartoon: there’s a floating hand puppet with teeth that gets “squirted” by a floating, giant green dildo! And at one point, Dickachu’s gibberish is interpreted as, “Oh, she just said that I have a really big dick.” If Strokemon is anything like WoodRocket.com’s other porn parodies, Pokemon/porn fans are in for one wild and ridiculous ride! Or to put it another way, Dika Dika!

Want to have some crazy good times with us? We’re always up for a strange and wild experience!

Check out the Strokemon trailer!

The New and Improved Magic Wand

Courtesy of hitachimagic.com
Courtesy of hitachimagic.com

Many women have called the Magic Wand their favorite, go-to sex toy—until the Doxy came out. Doxy offered many of the same features and niceties as the Magic Wand—a similar shaped head, strong vibrations, magically intense orgasms—but with a sleeker, more usable design. So imagine how pleasantly surprised these former Magic Wand enthusiasts will be when they find out that their beloved sex toy just stepped back into their lives after all these years with a whole new look and feel.

Introducing, the new Magic Wand (check out Oh Joy Sex Toy’s comic about Doxy vs. the new Magic Wand below). Gone are the days of those pesky design flaws: the short cord, the huge, cumbersome size, only two (super intense!) speeds, and the chunky and unattractive head. It’s now rechargeable (!), has a bigger and softer head, a smaller base, and 4 speeds and 4 vibe patterns! While the Doxy does have many of these features, it’s slightly more expensive and is not cordless and rechargeable. Looks like the new Magic Wand could become many a girl’s number one self-love friend once again!

Want to have some mind-blowing experiences yourself? Come make some magic with us!

Check out Oh Joy Sex Toy’s comic and revamped Magic Wand review here.

The New Device That Lets You Save Energy By Jerking Off

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Image provided via PornHub

Pornhub is giving Fitbit a run for their money with the Wankband, a new wearable that lets you charge gadgets by jerking off. Pornhub acknowledges in their promotional video (watch below) that watching porn on the internet contributes to the growing problem of energy consumption that can pollute as it creates, which is why they’re going to “show men how they can save the planet by doing what they do best.” The Wankband is a wearable for the tech era that “allows men to love the planet by loving themselves.”

The device gains power from motion via a small inner valve in the band that generates and stores energy when you move your hand up and down with each loving stroke. You can plug any chargeable device into the USB port on the band—tablet, phone, laptop—to create “dirty energy.” The device is unisex, so it’ll work for men and women who want to turn their special alone time into productive, save-the-planet time. As Pornhub says, “the power is in your hand!”

Want to have a sexy do-gooder moment yourself? Here at Niteflirt, we “do-good” all day every day!

Check out Pornhub’s video for the Wankband here!

German Social Media Site Seeks a Prostitute Tester

Screen Shot 2015-06-24 at 2.38.29 PMA social media site in Germany is advertising an exciting new position in the adult industry: a prostitute tester. It’s true; Germany is one of the few places where prostitution is legal, so the position is like a professional Yelp reviewer—for sex! You may be wondering what it takes to become a bonafide prostitute tester: “Besides scoring tips for carnal consumers, the ideal candidate ‘should enjoy having fun with people’ and not be afraid of contact,” Huffington reports.

The prostitute tester will review brothels in Germany in order to up the quality of the experience for customers. To do this, the prostitute tester will have sex with the sex workers, noting everything from service to cleanliness to safe sex practices. The site wants its customers to be able to have information on sex workers or adult organizations before buying their services—sort of like the way you can check out a hotel or a restaurant menu online before spending your money at a place. “Our vision is to see sex work as an equal and fully accepted part of society,” said one of the owners of the social media site. Right on, Germany!

Want to have a quality, satisfying experience yourself? We’ve got “the ideal candidates” right here!