Author: NiteFlirt

Hilarious Tweets That Prove Grindr Was At Its Worst in 2015

Grindr is supposed to be a magical erotic wonderland where gay men can cruise hot guys looking for action in the flick of a finger. But sometimes, as these hilarious tweets show, it’s an awkward place where just trying to get a nut proves more unpleasant than it’s worth. Check out some favorites.

  1. When a guy is looking for compassion for a dead pet instead of getting laid“I’m having a funeral for my fish.”“I have a really huge dick bron [sic] I love showing it off.”

    Tweet: “Grindr in a nutshell.”

  2. When gay sex just gets too complicatedTweet: “Someone on Grindr is listed as ‘Mega Bottom’ – I wonder if that comes before or after Power Bottom in the evolutionary series.”
  3. When even sacred, religious festivals are used as pick-up linesTweet: “Someone on Grindr asked me if I wanted to put the D in their Diwali.”
  4. When straight guys feel like sexually exploring“Can I jerk u off into orgasm? Can u jerk off and orgasm on my face? I’m straight but kinda wanna try it. Can I taste your nut?”Tweet: “I hate Grindr.”
  5. When it gets a little too close (and stalker-y) to homeTweet: “Grindr is all fun and games until someone with no picture messages u saying ‘I’ve seen you on [street name] so many times.'”
  6. When work gets awkwardTweet: “That awkward moment you see your manager on Grindr & his profile says ‘kinky only.'”
  7. And things get “hot for teacher”…in a bad wayTweet: “My teacher just messaged me on Grindr. I’m crying.”
  8. When dude’s get right to the point“Door open, dark, I’m face down, ass lubed, just come in, fuck me, unload.”“Is that the standard greeting now?”

    Tweet: “I must’ve missed the memo…”

Feel like getting right down to business yourself? We’ve got all of the fun, and none of the awkwardness right here!

Check out more hilarious tweets that prove Grindr was at its worst in 2015!

7 Women Confess Their True Feelings About Their Pussies

Some women recently took to Whisper to confess their deepest feelings about their pussies. Though you’d think having a pussy would be amazing, these women’s confessions show there’s a range of emotions when it comes to vajayjay’s. Here’s what they said.

  1. “Confession: I like to just sit and look at my vagina. I have major vagina confidence.”
    Well, vagina’s are pretty magical!
  2. “My husband wants to give me oral sex so bad but I won’t let him because I’m afraid of my vagina.”
    You have nothing to fear but fear itself! By all means, let your husband do his thang!
  3. “I told a guy my vagina had teeth so he wouldn’t date me. No regrets.”
    Yes, and if he actually believed you, then indeed, no regrets.
  4. “I rug burned my vagina and I have no idea how to explain this to a doctor.”
    Wow. It’s probably a pretty great story though!
  5. “My boyfriend just told me that my vagina smells like fried chicken. I’m taking that as a compliment.”
    Mmm, Finger lickin’ good!
  6. “My vagina is constantly wet…Is it possible to be TOO wet?”
    This is a good problem to have. And no it isn’t.
  7. “I’m scared to lose my virginity because my vagina doesn’t look like the girls I have seen in pornos…”
    Pussies come in all shapes, colors, and sizes. That’s what makes them beautiful!

In the mood for some amazing experiences yourself? Call us and let us do our thang!

More (magical) pussy confessions here.

Here’s How Much Sex Happy Couples Have

just4pleasureEven though as a society we think that sex is the secret sauce to a lasting relationship, more sex isn’t always better for couples in a long term relationship. So what is the magical number that a couple should have sex to keep their relationship happy and healthy? A new study has the answer, and the number is probably less than you might think. As it turns out, sex once a week is the sweet spot for established couples.

The study looked at data from 25,510 Americans aged 18 to 89 and found that while having sex definitely means more satisfaction and well-being in a relationship, happiness maxes out at sex about once a week. “This showed a linear association between sex and happiness up to a frequency of once a week, but at higher frequencies there is no longer an association,” said a psychologist on the study. “Therefore it is not necessary, on average, for couples to aim to engage in sex as frequently as possible.” In another interesting finding, the study found that having sex once a week makes couples happier than if they had more money! The takeaway message is that having sex regularly is important for maintaining happiness in a relationship, but that it’s also okay for couples to have realistic expectations for their sex life.

Looking to increase your happiness and well-being? We’ve always got a day in our week for some secret sauce!

Here’s more about how often happy couples have sex here.

10 Confessions From People Who’ve Heard Some Strange Things After Sex

Image Source: Flickr | 93963757@N05 (Richard Foster)Let’s face it, we’ve all had a one-nighter that turned out a little, um, weird. While casual sex is great for no-strings-attached fun, the aftermath is not always so hot—especially if you find out that the person you just fucked is not quite what they seemed in that dark bar after you’d had a few drinks. Here are 10 confessions from people who’ve heard some very strange things after sex.

  1. “She reintroduced herself using her real name…lol.”
    Oh, hello. Nice to meet you, stranger I just had sex with!
  2. “Hey, can you give me a ride to my boyfriend’s house?”
    Um, I wish that you’d given me this information before deciding to ride me.
  3. “He told me after we did it that his dead rabbit was under his bed! WTF?!”
    Things just got Fatal Attraction creepy!
  4. “I always had a thing for your mother so now I know what it’s like to have sex with her.”
    The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, or something?!
  5. “Someone needs to do cardio.”
    Thanks for the inspiration?
  6. “You have the hottest vagina I’ve been in, literally, the temperature is unreal.”
    This line’s like a badly written sex scene.
  7. “I wish the condom would’ve broke so I could keep you in my life.”
    One word: RUN!
  8. “He jumped up, did “touchdown” arms and yelled, “that was the best sex I’ve ever had!”
    Score!
  9. “‘My God, that was so consensual!’ I think she meant ‘sensual,’ but it was a good laugh either way.” 
    Consensual sex is always sexy!
  10. “‘Now you are part of me forever.’ Which would be romantic, but…we had just met.”
    Again, things are getting a little too much like Fatal Attraction up in here…

Looking for a hot, no strings attached experience yourself? We can make you jump up and do “touchdown” arms right here!

Check out more confessions about strange things people have said after sex.

Inside Los Angeles’ Exclusive Gay Sex Party

marcus_hansson:Los Angeles is home to one of the best and most exclusive gay sex parties out there. Guys travels from other countries, pay large sums of money, and put through themselves through a rigorous screening process all to have the experience of attending what can only be described as a giant gay orgy. The attendees represent an underground network of people who want to celebrate their sexuality through watching or participating in erotic and sexual events. And this LA sex party definitely lets them explore their sexuality and fantasies while having a night they’ll never forget!

The orgy party’s organizer, who goes by V, said, “We have a mix of gay, straight and bisexual men and women in the audience, so it’s important for us to have a wide variety for guests.” A lot of the guests like to watch the live-show, which usually consists of guys getting on stage, stripping, and masturbating in front of the others. Straight men and women also enjoy the scene, including one couple who said that the parties help them to open up sexually, and add some spice to their sex life. “I am not gay or bi or anything like that, but something about seeing these guys whack off gets me hard, and seeing my wife turned on is always a plus. So, by the time we leave and get home, I’m ready to just pound her out,” said the man. And according to V, that’s the point of the parties: “I want people, couples, everyone, to experience sexuality in their own way. I want them to explore their bodies and fantasies to get the full flavor of life.”

In the mood for some wild and sexually liberating experiences yourself? We can help you open up sexually right here!

Check out more about LA’s famous gay sex party here.

6 Amazing Gay Porn Parodies Inspired By Your Favorite Hollywood Movies

batman-robin-male-xxx-gay-porn-parodySure, we’ve all seen Batman and Robin, but have you seen Batman and Robin: An All Male XXX Parody? Or what about the newest Harry Potter’s?—you can have your pick between Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls and Larry Cotter and the Wizard of Ahhs. If you love these movies and other Hollywood classics, and you also happen to be a fan of hot gay porn, we have good news for you: you can watch amazing gay porn parodies inspired by your favorite movies! Here are some of the best.

  1. Twinklight
    Yes, this is Twilight but with gay vampires. What’s not to love?
  2. Batman and Robin: An All Male XXX Parody
    This just makes sense—everyone always knew that Batman and Robin were in a gay relationship!
  3. Web of Sperm: A XXX Parody
    This Spiderman gay parody will definitely turn on your spidey sense! The gay sex is so hot it will having you climbing up the walls while shooting white fluid from your body!
  4. Larry Cotter and the Wizard of Ahhs
    Synopsis: “This sexsational flick of hot twink lust introduces Brit BoyToy Larry Potter. Watch him wave his magic wand and make hot Brazilian soccer players appear. Lean teen, barely legal boys, hard pounding anal action, colossal cumshots, and a bit of magic.”
  5. Green Lantern is Gay: A XXX Parody
    Well, obviously he is! This gay porn parody will keep you (hard) on the edge of your seat as the Green Lantern fights to “win the heart and ass of his true love.”
  6. G.I. MO: Rise of the Cock
    Synopsis: “Gavin keeps a nice hard-on while he’s getting fucked, which I love about him. Bradley gives it to him good, and Gavin shoots a huge load all over his chest while Bradley’s fucking him, and then Bradley pulls out and shoots an amazing load himself. It made Gavin looked like a glazed doughnut!”

Wow, did all that hot gay sex turn on your spidey sense? Call NiteFlirt to find out if we’ll use our super powers to save you from your horniness!

Check out more amazing gay porn parodies inspired by your favorite Hollywood movies here.

Girlfriends Describe Their Boyfriends’ Dicks to Police Sketch Artist in Hilarious Video

Image Source: Flickr.com | Quacktaculous

If you had to describe your boyfriend’s dick to a police sketch artist, how well do you think you’d do? Several girlfriends were put to the test when they tried to describe their partner’s member to a stranger in as much helpful detail as possible while their guys listened on. And as you can probably imagine, the results are pretty hilarious (watch the video below).

First thing’s first: circumcised or uncircumcised (most of the girlfriends knew the answer)? Next, describe the penis shape: “it’s shaped like a penis”; “it’s shaped like a can of beans.” How veiny is the cock? What does it look like hard? (one woman described her man’s as an elephant trunk; another said “a full GMO banana”). They had to give accurate girth, distinguishing characteristics such as moles, and even the color (“it changes color,” laughed one woman). And of course, the lady’s didn’t ignore the balls: they had to describe the color, shape (“you know that net that catches basketballs?”), whether they’re very wrinkly, and even the amount of sag. In the end, the lady’s were very satisfied with the police sketch artist’s likenesses—while some of the men were a bit more critical: “It’s definitely bigger than that!”

Looking to give your “mushroom with a little smile” some attention? We love full GMO bananas here!

Here is the hilarious video of girlfriends describing their boyfriends’ cocks to a police sketch artist.

New Sex Toy Turns Your Phone Into a Vibrator

 

 

A new sex toy that turns your phone into a vibrator is promising to make sexting a literal reality. The IZIVIBE is being described as “the world’s first sex toy which uses the vibrations of your smartphone!” So far, the company just has a prototype, but with all the buzz and excitement surrounding the device, they plan to launch a campaign to bring the high-tech sex toy to the masses.

The IZIVIBE website says, “Simple but effective, IZIVIBE’s internal dildo structure is designed to propagate the phone’s vibrations along the entire length to get a maximum of pleasure.” The phallic-shaped phone extension has several functions, including seven vibe modes, customization options, and the ability to allow a partner to control the settings remotely (literal phone sex, anyone?). The device is also made from safe, medical-grade silicone, and will have a protective sleeve so that any dirtiness from your phone won’t get transferred onto your sensitive areas. The company hopes to have the sex toy out in markets by June 2016, and so far, they have not confirmed a price.

Looking to get into some buzz-worthy action yourself? We’ve got all the right vibrations right here!

Here’s more about the sex toy that turns your phone into a vibrator.

Japanese Museum Displays Centuries-Old Controversial Erotic Art

A shunga print. Photograph: Geoffrey Clements/CorbisDespite Japan’s eclectic and hugely popular porn industry, many of its citizens are still prudes when it comes to the country’s rich history with erotic art, or shunga. 133 centuries-old original shunga prints, which mix graphic depictions of sex with visual humor, were rejected by 10 museums before finally finding a home at a little gallery. The woodblock prints are definitely shocking: they are of couples, and groups, in the midst of sexual ecstasy, though they’re often depicted in humorous and satirical ways. Voyeurism and orgies are recurring themes in the art, with women and men in various contorted sexual positions, their kimonos loosened or discarded.

Created in the 17th century and eventually banned for being “obscene,” the works depict all manner of sexual escapades taking place in brothels, teahouses, inns, and even Buddhist temples. But most shocking is not the images themselves (the most famous one called “the Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife,” which depicts a woman being pleasured by two octopuses), but that so many Japanese who love porn and manga wouldn’t want to see what’s being billed as “the original shunga.” Thankfully, not everyone is so prudish: over 9,000 people have gone to see the erotic works. The museum director said, “I hope they will feel a sense of discovery and re-connection with something important that has been missing from the way the cultural history of Japan has been presented until now.”

In the mood for sexual ecstasy? We are always up for wild and shocking escapades!

Check out more about Japan’s centuries-old erotic art here.

12 Foods That Totally Don’t Look Like Anything Else

Creative Commons Photo Credit Attribution Carrot - AlicePopkorn www.flickr.com/photos/47283811@N06/15641871466/in/pool-th... Photo Credit Attribution Background - Viktor Simonic URL: www.flickr.com/photos/viktorsimonic/8660455830/

Even though you might feel a bit immature snickering at a peach that looks like an ass or a squash that looks like a giant dick, we’ve all done it. And while you probably think you have a dirty mind for giggling at a banana that looks just like a boner, we’re here to assure you that your laughter is warranted. And Distractify does, too—they made a hilarious list of foods that don’t remotely look like anything else (check it out below). Here are some highlights.

  • That Banana Sundae is Sure Happy to See You
    Some prankster stood the banana erect and made balls out of two scoops of vanilla ice cream. This makes us crave dessert!
  • Hot Dogs and Bun
    “Nothing to see here. Just some hot dogs being inserted into a bun.”
  • T-Bone Pussy Steak
    Mmm, nothing better than steak and pussy!
  • Double-Breasted Ice Cream Cone
    Titty-fucking, anyone?
  • Chicken Wing Cock
    The chicken wing takes after its father (who must have been very well endowed). Finger lickin’ good!
  • Grapefruit Vagina
    Auntie Angel (of the famous grapefruit blowjob) would approve.
  • Jelly Filled Vajonuts
    Oops, we meant donuts! So creamy…
  • Masculine Carrot
    The lady carrots love him!
  • Two Scoops of Ice Cream with Two Cherries on Top, Please
    Those are some perky scoops there! Makes us want to lick the cherries right off.
  • Pink Glazed Donut
    Sugary butt sex.
  • Cock Melons
    No, seriously. These look exactly like cocks! It’s uncanny.
  • Cock Sausage
    Mmm, spicy!

Have a hankering for something sweet or savory? We have everything you crave right here!

Check out Distractify’s list “18 Foods That Don’t Remotely Look Like Anything Else.”